(Closed) planned pregnancy and not happy

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
9878 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Please speak to a doctor if you continue feeling this way. Perinatal depression is a very real thing that happens to many women, it’s just not as well known as post partum depression.

You don’t have to like other people’s children to love your own. Trust me.

And please make sure those anti-anxiety herbs are safe for pregnancy.

Post # 32
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am 26 weeks pregnant with baby #1. I am 28, DH is 30. We own our own home. We are in a financial position where I can be a Stay-At-Home Mom (my dream). DH and I were TTC for seven months.

I have to admit, I am STILL having moments of doubt!

I too suffer from anxiety. I am also an abuse survivor. I sometimes get so weighted down with thoughts like “am I REALLY ready to be a Mom?” “What if we can’t really afford it afterall and I have to go back to work?***” “What if my kid hates me?” “What if I’m a bad Mom and mess up my kid?” “Will something snap in my brain (like it did for my Mom) and I perpetuate the cycle of abuse?”

***side note: one of the ‘requirements’ I had for becoming a Mom was being able to afford to stay home. It is REALLY important to me (and DH wants it for me)….and I was prepared to put off having kids for as long as it took for us to be able to afford me staying home. Plus, I only work part time so to even AFFORD daycare I’d have to work MORE!

In my darkest moments I have even had HORRIBLE thoughts like “would it be so bad if I had a miscarriage?” Plus I am having some body image issues (I feel like I just look fat instead of pregnant). 

It’s hard being surrounded by people who are excited for your pregancy when you aren’t feeling the same! All I can tell you is as this pregnancy has progressed I’ve started feeling a little ‘better’ about it. I still have my ‘bad moments’, but I just keep telling myself that it’s going to be ok.

You’re going to be ok too! *hug*


Post # 34
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
Ekat :  I think you need to be considering better treatments for your anxiety. Not that I don’t believe that homeopathic medicine ever works but I wouldn’t risk it on something as serious as depression/anxiety. I also don’t think that you are far along enough for the baby to be physically affecting you mentally and emotionally. I believe it’s much more likely that you are mistaking correlation for causation here. 

Post # 35
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Perinatal anxiety and depression are common. We as a society only grudgingly talk about postpartum depression, but it is the tip of the iceberg. Looking back, I had some pretty serious anxiety during pregnancy that foreshadowed a bigger battle with postpartum anxiety. I did not get help, but should have. What you are feeling is “normal” in the sense that there are a range of reactions to even the most carefully planned pregnancy (meaning that feeling freaked out or not instantly in love with your little clump of cells does not make you an unfit mother), but there is help for perinatal anxiety. Go get some of it! Talk to your husband, you need his support. 

Also, I know you have to wait until the end of the month to see your doctor, but please call your OB before then to check on the indications for your herbal supplements while pregnant. A nurse should be able to help you.

Post # 36
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would call your doctor back and tell them you are struggling with anxiety/depression and NEED to be sooner.  You don’t need to suffer.  It is okay to get help.  It is the best thing for you and baby.  (I’m not pregnant, but I’ve had a tough last year and have said a lot of these things to myself too.)

Post # 37
363 posts
Helper bee

I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better about the whole thing! I think it might be helpful to talk to your husband. Let him know how you’re feeling. He might not like it at first, but he’s your husband. He’s there to support you. You’re not in this alone. 

Post # 38
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
Ekat :  I’m so glad you feel better!  If you feel that way again please make sure to reach out to someone.  As someone who suffers from anxiety (and get occasional panic attack these days) one of the side effects of peegnancies is that it does a number on our hormones which may affect other conditions or bring them up if you don’t usually suffer from them.  With time these should stabilize but it’s always good to get help if you need it.  Based on my history I made sure I had a therapist I could talk to when I had really down moods and for me that was all I needed and it was extremely helpful.  Do not feel bad if you don’t feel “ecstatic” about being pregnant all the time, it’s particularly hard when you have all day sickness that lasts longer than normal or other unpleasant side effects of being pregnant.  Also it’s completely normal if your not head over heels over your little one when s/he is born.  To some the love is immediate to other it’s something that grows and that’s ok! Just make sure to take care of yourself and don’t be too harsh on yourself.

Post # 39
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Valerian is best avoided in preg due to there just being no studies on pregnancy/valerian. 

Chamomile in normal doses ( cup of tea or two a day) is considered safe. Higher doses can interfere with certain blood thinners. Just make sure to double check with your doctor sooner than later.

Post # 40
19 posts

I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I understand what you’re going through.

I am 19 weeks with an unplanned baby however. DH and I wanted kids just not for a long time. I wanted an abortion and even hoped I would miscarry so I would not be the one to break DH’s heart. 

I am still not ready for a baby but I am slowly getting there. My anxiety and depression came back, made worse by extreme morning sickness and fatigue which clouded my judgement. It will take time, but it does get easier and now I am feeling her move and starting to show, I wwant this baby more than I don’t. At the time it felt like I would never change my mind though. Hang in there, you have plenty of time before you need to make a decision, so let it sink in first. And speak to a therapist, it helped greatly for me 🙂



Post # 41
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

View original reply
Ekat :  I had baby fever for years before getting pregnant but I couldn’t get excited for the baby for MONTHS. It is a big deal, and I ended up with hyperemesis and prayed for a miscarriage sometimes it was so awful. But in my last trimester it finally sunk in and I got into baby shopping big time, and now she’s 15 months old and I am totally in love with this perfect, smart little girl!! 😍

As everyone has said give it time, big things take time to sink in!!

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