+1000000000. What you do with your husband to be is of no concern to others. They won’t find out unless you or your man start telling everyone. Honestly, who says that THEY haven’t had sex yet??? They could be keeping it a secret from you.
I apologize in advanced for the long message
I want you to know that you ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! Your post does put the spotlight on something that many women in your position are actually going through because of communities that push people to wait until they are married/don’t have proper sex ed.
A lot of women hear this hype about “I’ve been told so many times that sex is this amazing and wonderful act that “in marriage” will be so fulfilling and great.” like you said, but are thoroughly dissapointed once it comes around BECAUSE it’s been so hyped up. I wish people could just be more honest about sex in communities (we see this problem a lot in the states). If younger people were more educated then things would be safer AND more enjoyable.
There are a couple of other things I would love to add.
First of all, congratulations for taking that next step with the man that you love and will spend the rest of your life with. Even though you may be dissapointed right now…practise makes perfect 😉
Which brings me to my next point…I’m not going to lie to you. I lost my virginity before I was with my fiance. I had a long term relationship and things progressed to that point. I next had what some may call a very quick “rebound”…a just for distraction man. I can’t really say that I regret my decisions because without my previous experiences I don’t know if fiance and I would be as great together as we are. BUT I do often feel guilty that I could not have “given” HIM my virginity. At least you know that this is the man you are marrying!
I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason. Right now I’m kind of having one of those moments where I feel that this is ONE of the reasons my past has gone the way that it has. If I hadn’t experienced having sex with three different men I wouldn’t be able to tell you this:
Maybe women say that sex “in marriage” is fullfiling and great because it is! The awesome thing about knowing that this man is with you forever, in sickness and in health, til death do you part, means that you can be comfortable enough with THIS MAN to be able to openly communicate all of your wants and desires. For example, I did not enjoy sex with my first partner….ever. I did not once find pleasure out of it. BUT I NEVER TOLD HIM!!! I NEVER GAVE HIM HINTS OR ASKED TO TRY SOMETHING NEW! Now that I think about it, I know that it was because I was not 100% comfortable with him and was more worried about his feelings than I should have been, and I didn’t ever see myself having to deal with horrible sex for the rest of my life.
Now, with my fiance, I have been honest from the beginning. Now I love sex. He tries his best to do the things that we have spoken about that work for me, and have experimented, and it turns him on to know that I am happy. But I think that marriage, or knowing you are with someone for life, is kind of a solid reason in my head to be like “hello lady, if you don’t tell the truth, you have to deal with mediocre sex FOREVER”. If you don’t tell the truth, you may end up resenting him/not wanting to make love….and let me tell you that THAT will affect your marriage in a negative way.
If you are not completely satisfied, maybe research together what he can do to make sex better for you. Another honest point: Women do not orgasm from intercourse all the time…in fact, it’s often difficult. Maybe you should let your man know this…and hopefully you guys can have fun learning with each other, and trying new things to make it happen for you!!! Because once those start happening through intercourse, you won’t regret it! 😀
Feel free to private message me if you wish. I love helping people through sex situations. I’m hoping to study this sort of sex therapy in school 🙂