Post # 1
I need some advice. My wedding has long come and gone, but now my maid of honor is getting married! YAY! This is the thing. I’m pregnant. Right now I am 8 weeks pregnant. Imagine the worst hangover of your life where you spend the day after hovering over the toilet with a terrible headache puking your brains out unable to keep a single thing down. That’s me! Morning, noon, and night! I particularly enjoy waking up at 2:00 am (when I am able to even get to sleep) to throw up again!
So here is my problem. Morning sickness is prevalent until week 14 and then the second trimester is supposedly very easy and happy. Before I got pregnant, I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I would really like to plan her bachelorette party. I am not in the wedding as the only attendant is her sister, who sadly, will not be able to attend any of the pre-wedding functions since she lives across the country. I have an awesome weekend planned starting with a hosted cooking party on Friday night at my house (she is an avid cook) and we are going to learn a 5 course French meal. On Saturday we will be getting a room(s) at a swanky Hollywood hotel, watching our alma mater’s football game at a bar, lounging by the pool, and then having a big night out at the bars. This is where my problem is.
By the time the bachelorette party rolls around, I still will not be out of my first trimester and there is a very good chance I will still be miserably sick. She knows I am pregnant and also that I have been extremely sick. While I am very happy to host the cooking party, I honestly don’t know if I am going to be up for the next day of festivities and I feel terrible. I have not given her any inclination that I may not be able to attend especially since we are in the throws of planning her perfect day, but I just feel awful if I can’t be there for her.
I think that she would be understanding, but I think about myself a year ago and I’m not totally sure if I would be. I would have been really disappointed and not knowing anyone well who went through a pregnancy beforehand, I don’t think I could have imagined how awful morning sickness can be. I’m so worried that she may not understand and this will really hurt her feelings if I can’t go.
I am not going to say anything for a few weeks and see if I start feeling any better, but my doctor has said that I most likely won’t until after the first trimester, which is just after the bachelorette party.
What should I do??
Post # 3
I can sort of speak to the side of the bride. My sister was TTC and I knew there was a chance she wouldn’t be able to attend the bachelorette when we first started planning. Honestly, it made me a little sad, but I wasn’t upset she was TTC near my wedding, and I’m sure your friend won’t be upset you’re pregnant, either! I know my situation is a little different, but I really can’t imagine being mad at a pregnant woman who just hosted a cocktail party for me for not going out to a bar with me!
Post # 4
How about you host the cooking thing and get someone else to plan the rest of it, then attend if you feel up for it at the time? That way the fun stuff still happens for her and you’re not feeling pressured to plan something you may not end up going to.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should make any plans based on the future. Your morning sickness could go away tomorrow. I never even had morning sickness. didn’t throw up once during pregnancy. My first trimester was a breeze after I got over the random napping and constant peeing in the first 3 weeks.
So don’t count yourself out just yet. If you are still sick then you are just still sick.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t worry about it too much now. Your morning sickness might go away. Maybe you could warn the bride to be about your morning sickness and that there is a possibility you won’t make it out. But I would just wait and see how you feel that day.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies for the advice.
Miss Tattoo – you have no idea how jealous I am that you didn’t have any morning sickness! I wish I was like that!
Post # 8
You should be able to get something for your nausea from the doctor. If your not keeping anything down and waking up just to puke, then I would say it’s pretty serious.
I agree with Miss Tattoo about morning sickness not being something you can count on. I know women that had morning sickness almost all their pregnancy and some that didn’t have it at all, me being in the latter category.
Post # 9
I never had it at all either, but many people have it all the way through. There’s really no way of knowing when yours will go away, so maybe ask someone else to be prepared to host what you’ve already planned. That’s what I’d do anyway!
Post # 10
I would let her know that you are going to have to play things by ear. If you’re feeling alright by then (which you very well might be), you’d love to take part in the festivities but if your morning sickness is still awful, you may have to pass and meet up for a girls brunch or something once you’re into second trimester and feeling better. I’m sure she’ll understand and still appreciate all the planning you’ve put into her party.
Post # 11
If I were you I would continue on with the plans as if I was attending 100% of the festivities, but have a ‘wait and see’ attitude to determine what events you will actually attend. This bach party you are planning sounds way more involved than any I have ever attended, so it’s understandable honestly if you have to bow out of one or two things. But you never know, you might be feeling just fine and with a little push be able to attend both nights. You already know it won’t be as fun for you since you can’t drink and will probably be tired or feeling a little sick, but if you can’t even get out of bed without throwing up that day then you probably should stay home.
I had two pregnant BM’s, one was my Maid/Matron of Honor and both attended my bach party. I was really happy that they made it – it meant so much to me, but if they had to stay home because of pregnancy complications I would have totally excused them. Yes I would have been upset, but honestly the fact that they are pregnant AND my bach party was a 3 hour drive and overnight stay for them, I would have understood and not held a grudge or anything. If they had been local I’ll admit I would have been hurt if they hadn’t at least tried to come to cocktail hour before the big night out or something.
Post # 12
I dont think you should try to skip out on it just yet. You can be a dd for the other girls go dance and have fun not to mention after you get out of your first trimester morning sickness goes away for most and some even have it go away before then. So I wouldnt tell her your not coming just yet. I had morning sickness but it went away after about ten or eleven weeks. I know how miserable you are right now.. .but I think even if she would be understanding she would still be a little dissapointed if you werent there or at least didnt make an appearence.
Post # 13
@Mrs. Louboutin: lol everyone says that. I didn’t even have heartburn or crazy cravings. I guess they say you get heartburn if your baby has a lot of hair? My daughter came out needing to go to the salon right away!
The only thing that sucked (and I’m not trying to scare you) is around 22 weeks it seriously felt like my pelvis was expanding an inch per minute! I remember crawling up the stairs because it was so painful to stand.
Post # 14
@Mrs. Louboutin: I think with her sister being across the country and not being able to make it, she would be sad if she were not able to have the wedding activities but I dont think she would be mad. Being a Mom myself, I know that pregnancy can have some strange times and like Miss Tattoo, I didnt have the sickness. I would say stick to the plans, see how you feel and go from there.
Congratulations on the baby!!
Post # 15
Don’t skip out on it yet. As a never-been-pregnanter I can tell you it frustrated the heck out of me when Future Sister-In-Law ruined vacation because of “morning sickness” I am sure that I will feel more sympathetic to it after I have my first kid.
Plan the cooking thing. PLAN the next day. Tell her “B2B, I am hoping that in a few weeks this morning sickness will be gone, or at least much better. I may not be able to go out drinking with you all, but I’ll definitely be there for the cooking and I’ll lounge by the pool with you all day!”
This way, bride to be knows you’re not just pulling the “I’m pregnant” card to get out of something you said you’d to, and you have a graceful way to not do something that will make you sick!