(Closed) Planning a wedding after a death in the family

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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sparkles1986:  My fiance’s grandmother died in January, very unexpectedly. I lost all my grandparents, but she was definitely my surrogate Granny – and I was so excited for her to be at the wedding. I have a similar feeling, too… every time I book something, I remember she won’t be there and sort of have a mini-meltdown. I don’t really have any words of advice on how to get through it; but you aren’t the only one. 🙁

Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Thats really sad news and Im sorry.

Take comfort in the knowledge this is something he would want for you, to see you marry the man you love surrounded by all his family and friends.

Maybe have a look online and ways you can subtly include his memory on your special day. Maybe his picture tied to your bouquet or his handkerchief sewn into your dress. Only a small token but it might bring you some comfort. xxx

Post # 4
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m so sorry. Hugs.

I completely understand. I’ve lost both of my parents and Fiance has lost his mom. My grandfather (the man who raised me after my parents passed) passed away the day after we got engaged, before I could get home and tell him. Then 2 months and 2 days later my FI’s grandfather passed away. We haven’t really felt like doing anything. We also graduate in May so we’ve been pushing it off. We have an idea of what we are doing, but haven’t made specific plans.

Having dealt with a life full of grief in my 22 years on this earth, I can tell you that it does eventually get easier. You are only 3 months out, that’s not really a long time. Of course, you will always have times that are harder than others, and that usually comes when it’s a big life event. Just know that your grandfather would want nothing more than for you to have your beautiful wedding and to be happy!! 

Post # 5
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just 4 months before our wedding,  my husband’s brother n law, and groomsman,  very suddenly passed away.   It was very difficult for the family.   We chose not to mention him at the wedding,  as his wife had to step down as a bridesmaid due to it, and we didn’t want to call attention to the missing groomsmen,  thereby causing tears.   It was difficult,  but it did get easier. 

 

Post # 6
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Not much I can say to make you feel better, except that I’m so sorry. My Dad passed away a few years ago, and the closer the wedding gets, the more I find myself having tearful moments. It’s just hard. I get it.

Maybe allowing the tears now will help keep the grief at a manageable level during those key moments during your wedding day? That’s my hope, at least. 

Hugs to you.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  alinyc.
Post # 7
Member
3164 posts
Sugar bee

Like a PP I have dealt with grief through life and it does get “better”. You will always, always miss your grandfather but you will learn to live your new normal. 3 months is so fresh…. just give yourself time and ask for help with the planning where you can.

My Mum passed away about 18 months ago now and my Fiance propsed within a year of her passing. I couldn’t have planned a celebration within 12 months which is why we didnt have an engagement party. Because more time has passed than in your situation I’m now doing OK with the wedding planning now, though I did have a moment trying to book make up and hairdressers where I really wished my family could be “normal” and I could have my Mum there to get ready. 

Post # 8
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁 

My fiancée’s mom passed away extremely suddenly over the holidays, essentially leaving her an orphan since she’s had very minimal contact with her father since she was five (and has no extended family either). My heart’s breaking for her, but we’re also very conscious of choosing to celebrate our life together knowing just how fleeting it can be. 

From my own experience, grief does get “easier” in some ways… But it takes a lot of time, and the loss is never going to be erased. My grandfather passed away in late 2013 and I’m still struggling with it now. All you can do is take it one day at a time, not force yourself to fake happy, and make steps as you’re ready to make them. If the date in your profile is correct you’ve still got a decent amount of time to get plans in order – take a break to mourn if you need it.

Post # 9
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As sad as it makes us, our grandparents passing away before us is the way things are meant to be. It’s the natural order. It is also natural to grieve their loss and initially not be able to see that time will heal.

Remember that your grandfather would not want you to dwell in this place of sorrow. He would want you to be happy, to celebrate your marriage to the love of your life.

Because he was the foundation of your family, he will always be with you in spirit. You will think of him often, but in time it will be with a smile on your face as you remember all that he taught you, and all that he wanted for you.

Post # 10
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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sparkles1986:  I’m sorry for your loss. My Papa also passed away 2 months ago and it was very difficult. My Mom had to leave out of state to help, so I had to get a lot done on my own that I would have liked her to help with, like picking out my dress.

He was the only grandparent I have ever met, so we were close. I know that his spirit will be with me and I know your grandpa will be with you on your big day as well.

Post # 11
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there. I lost my brother in a tragic accident in 2000. Even though it has been almost 15 years, it still hurts but not as deep and I still miss him like crazy every single day! He was my only sibling. It was hard planning for a wedding 2 years after he was killed, knowing that I wouldn’t get to hear his wise cracks or see his smiling face. But I got through it. We did it for my family – we wanted them to be reminded of the last time we were all together was for a happy occasion.

Post # 12
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

I am so sorry.

My mother passed away the day before this past Thanksgiving. We had made huge plans for the holiday and I had went all the way to Michigan from Kentucky to get her desert from her favorite restaurant. I am getting married June 6. It has devastated me. All she could talk about was the wedding. I was doing so much in terms of preparing for the wedding but ever since it is like I have hit a block. I have so much to do in the next two months and it is just seems to get harder and harder. I miss her so much. But I know she would want me to have that day.

Post # 13
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I understand how hard it is. I was supposed to get married sept 2014 and my dad passed away in July, just 6 weeks before the big day. I ended up postponing and got married 2 weeks ago! My brother Walked me down the isle. I knew the whole day that my dad was there. 

i thought that day was going to be miserable for me. I thought all these people here are just going to feel bad for me, and I’m going to be an emotional wreck. When the day came I did not shed one Tear. it’s almost as if my dad held my tears back.

Your grandfather will be there in spirit and your wedding will go on and will be amazing, the way he would want it to be 🙂

good luck with evertrhing and be positive!

Post # 14
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Im so sorry. My grandma passed away 6 months before my wedding. One of the reasons i decided to have my wedding in my country was so she could be there. I wasnt able to tell her i was engaged. I just cried, every time i thought of her. But i know she would have wanted me to be happy, and enjoy my day. I also think she was there on my wedding, being proud of me.
When my sister got married, she gave her a beautiful rosery, but i didn’t get mine. I am so sad about that. But thats was my something borrowed, so i could feel her a little bit closer to me.
I put out a picture of her (and my other grandparents who passed away) with my bouquet at my reception.
It gets better, but i still miss her so much. I still cry sometimes, but thats ok.

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