(Closed) Planning a wedding and feeling so sad.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

REgarding the wedding – can you have your wedding here, then have a second party/reception in France once you move so that his family can attend?

Post # 4
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

That is a lot to deal with.  LDRs are hard enough without adding in the additional stress of planning a wedding and a major move to another country whil working three jobs!

As for wedding planning, I would slow it down until you have a chance to answer the questions you are bringing up about your marriage.  Would things be less stressful if you had a simple civil service and moved overseas sooner rather than waiting for the 2014 wedding?  Do you really want to move overseas?  Would he consider moving here?  If he lived where you live would any of this be an issue?  It’s normal to be scared about a big move like that.  What activities or organizations could you join once there that would help you meet people and transition?

*Talk to your venue about the deposit and see what options you have.  I am sure you aren’t the first bride to book a date and then figure out that you cannot meet the minimum.

Post # 5
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is the extra you’d have to pay for the under count more than the $5000 deposit you’d lose?  If not then keep the venue, unless you really want to change for other reasons.

Sorry to hear about your troubles!  I’m worried myself that many of my relatives won’t want to come to my wedding, and they’re all in the US!  I feel for you on that.  

Moving sounds like it could be hard.  But if you try to embrace it, take language lessons, meet new people and socialize, you might find you really enjoy your time overseas.  What a great adventure!!

Post # 6
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just want to say God bless ya for having a LDR, planning a wedding without Fiance, dealing with the stress of his family, and working 3 jobs.

Can you maybe downsize your wedding? Then maybe you can save some money and have an alternate wedding or reception in France for his family since they can’t/won’t come for the wedding in the US?

Post # 7
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh honey, that is one hell of a plate you got yourself, but don’t let things get you down….distance is merely an inconvenience, you and your Fiance are as close as you want to be…if he’s interested and your inclined, why not take the time to write in a book about some of the planning things and appointments you go to?  Put in little pictures, a matchbook from a hotel, a cocktail napkin from a bar, send it to him every once in a while, let him comment, write and send it back?  It’s a tangible memoir you both can interact with.

Families are families, and they’re all excited about traveling anywhere, until something closer or cheaper comes along…if your Fiance is feeling down about this, let him, that blows, a lot…it would bother me too…but sooner or later, he’s going to snap out of his funk and find some things to be excited about too!  Just listen to him, support him, and love him through it.

I would talk to your venue very frankly about your international guest situation…and how what you thought was a solid guest count has diminshed due to travel and time contraints…any business man worth his salt knows that there’s a lot more to be made than a the deposit, and it would behoove them to find a compromise…be it adding some extra services and items to make up the difference, which can only add an air of luxury and elegance to your reception.

Finally, moving to France in an adventure, in more ways than one for you!  You’ll be a Mrs., you’ll be living with the man that you love for the first time ever and you get to discover all of that together in a beautiful new place!  Sure, you are leaving a lot behind you, but love is a leap, and no one ever found anything new, that didn’t leave something old and comfortable behind…being scared is fine, just don’t let it stop you…be bold!  Be brave!  Reinvent yourself and find out what works for you in your new home, because it may be rocky, scary and a little sad, but I promise you, IT WILL WORK!

Best of luck! 

Post # 9
Member
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Holy Crow!! I can definately understand your frustrations. I did long distance (although only a couple hours away not a different country) for several years with my fiance and it’s really hard.

And I can understand your fears about living in a new country. It can be really daunting but it could be a really amazing experience. I’ve done it twice, one study abroad to Japan and one to Costa Rica, and it is hard but it can be really great. Force yourself to get out into the community. It’s the best way to learn the language and while it may feel awkward at first, it’s the best way to start to feel at home. Otherwise it’s easy to stay home, watch TV, skype with friends and family you miss and get lonely. Don’t get sucked in. Go out and do something every day.

I also agree with PPs about doing a small reception/party in France since so many of his family members may not be able to make it to the US.

And for the venue, can you upgrade your food/drinks instead of adding people?

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