(Closed) Planning a wedding BUT….isn’t ENGAGED yet!

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wish i knew about this place before i got engaged!I freaked out when i did, because i was soooo overwhelmed! Everyone here is soo helpful. You are doing a smart thing, starting to plan, look for ideas now! It is going to be perfect.

Post # 18
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m right there with you! We have figured out just how much we need to save a month to have our budget wedding and not go into any debt. The FH and I talked and decided that the one thing that is off limits until the ring is the dress shopping! But don’t worry, I do enough looking online that I have a pretty good idea. 

Good luck and know that even if other people around you don’t understand, there are plenty of other girls here who do!

Post # 19
Member
10361 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My fiance and I started planning before it was official, too! Mostly a timeline issue – we knew when we wanted to get married, and if we didn’t start booking, we would have missed out. I’m almost embarrased to admit that we had the venue, photographer, caterer, and dress before the “official” proposal. But, we also got the exact space/food/kickass photographer we wanted, so it worked out perfectly!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with others who said to go ahead and plan the wedding without the official e-ring.  I wish I had done that.  I’ve been with Fiance for 12 yrs and knew the proposal was coming soon.  Yet, I didn’t think about wedding planning.  Somewhat of a mistake on my part because it’s kind of stressful planning a wedding in less than 7 months.  Start early and get the venue, photographer, etc. you want.  Start thinking about wedding dress too.  I wished I had more time to try on more dresses even though I absolutely love the one I bought.

Post # 21
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@huneebee- yes you are an (un)official bride! My guy and I tease and say we are ungaged and that we took non-gagement pictures. He’s been looking for jobs for over a year, so we’ve gotta keep a sense of humor some how!

The hive is an awesome place for waiting bees! It is nice to have people who understand. I haven’t told many people in real life that we are planning, but one or two of the people I have told were not very understanding. Anyways, we’re here for ya! Welcome again. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We did this too! We had our caterer and photographer and I’d already tried on dresses by the time he proposed. I think we were engaged before the proposal in that we decided to get married, and to me that made more sense for it to be a mutual, discussed decision. He proposed because it was fun, romantic, traditional, and an exciting way for me to get the best gift I’ve ever gotten – my engagement ring! I think this is how a lot of people do it these days, but for some reason “waiting” bees catch flack for it. Don’t pay attention to it! Congratulations on your impending nuptials and have fun planning ๐Ÿ™‚ I found that official engagement was actually more fun because I had the planning out of the way and could focus on this exciting time!

Post # 23
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yup … I’m part of that club! In all fairness, I did an internship at The Knot and have done a lot of freelance wedding writing over the past year, so I just blame it on my career …

But Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been saving for our Jamaican honeymoon for a while now! And we have an idea of where we want to get married, I know what colors I want, etc. I won’t let myself do anything permanent, though, until I have the ring on my finger.

Post # 25
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know this is going to be an unorthodox suggestion — but perhaps you can get engaged without a ring? We both knew we wanted to get married to each other and while we do OK, there isn’t a whole lot left over after bills, and well.. it took some convincing on my side to him, but I told him, I don’t need a ring to feel engaged. I know it’s different for a lot of women, but that’s my .02 ๐Ÿ™‚

But if I ever get something shiny to put on the finger later… I won’t turn it down! 

Post # 26
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@rileyjane: We say “un-engaged” all the time too! When his Mom introduced me in chuch as his fiancee (gasp!) and everyone stared at my empty finger I had that panic moment of “Oh crap! What must they be thinking?!” Then when we got in the car we started cracking jokes about the stories we could tell as to why I don’t have a ring on my left finger but have a beautiful diamond engagement ring on my right hand (again–gasp! it’s my great-grandmothers ring and we decided since it’s not really “me” or “my style” that we’d get something of my own, but it does raise some eyebrows!). We’re totally at the point where you just have to laugh at it.

My SO actually corrected the priest when he set up the date for the church, haha!
Priest: Well we’ll have your fiancee come in and we can all sit down and talk about when to start the pre-marital counseling. SO: No no, she’s my girlfriend, I haven’t asked her yet. Priest: long awkward silence. SO: Yeah, it’s cool, we will be engaged by the wedding.

 

Post # 27
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Glad you are starting the planning! Nothing wrong with being early and prepared! Have fun!

@ KansasPrincess11- Now that was funny, with your SO and the priest. I LOLed for real!

Post # 28
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am in the same boat! He and I aren’t “officially engaged” by normal standards, but we are planning our wedding. We talked about this the other night and both agree that we are engaged, just without the ring. I don’t call him my fiance to other people because most people wouldn’t understand. We have set a date, booked our venue and honeymoon, and talked with our caterer and photographer (but haven’t officially booked those yet). I have starting collecting things for decorating. I am a law student and we are getting married a couple of weeks after I will take the bar exam. It would be too stressful to wait to plan until after I got the ring with my final year of school and studying for the bar.

I know the proposal is coming this summer… he has something elaborate planned that he has told a few people and they almost cried. He still has a little bit of money to save up for it and that’s why it hasn’t happened yet.

Glad to see we aren’t the only ones who are planning early. When I talk to most people about our plans they just get this weird look on their faces like… “but you aren’t engaged yet…” haha.

Post # 30
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

why don’t you guys get a fakie ring? that looks like the engagement ring you’re going to get, he can continue saving for the real deal, and then whenever you have to wear a stand in later- you’ve already got it!

Or, a promise ring, they have some cute ones that have small diamonds..

Post # 31
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ha I have a fakie ring that I wore to a bridal show.  I mean, we have the date set, he and I know that if we start planning now we can pay for everything over a longer period of time relieving a little bit of financial stress.  I guess it’s just weird because now days, it seems like you must have the ring to start planning, but in my parents day or even before, you decided to get married, you planned a wedding and a ring/proposal came somewhere in between.   At least that’s how my parents did it..

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