Planning a wedding the day before a freind's?

posted 4 months ago in Beehive
  • poll: What should I do?

    Plan for October 9th

    Pick a new date

  • Post # 31
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @henhouse7:  

    Did you ever tell them that it was your dream to have that date in October? If you don’t see them that often and none of their guests will be coming to yours and vice versa, then I would just go ahead with the date you wanted. But if you’re going to their wedding or they’re coming to yours then you’re probably going to be pretty exhausted!

    ETA: Do you consider them quite good friends? As I imagine that a 10 guest wedding would be only really close family and friends. So if they are that important to you and you can’t imagine them not being there then I would consider changing the date, but only if they were very dear to me and I could not picture the day without them. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @strawbsandcream:  The 10 guests are crossover guests invited to both weddings. The actual wedding sizes are larger. (OP’s initial post was a little confusing about that.)

    Post # 33
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @katebluestone:  Oh okay! Well in that case I would personally pick a different date unless I were okay with guests not wanting to come/not wanting to attend two weddings in 48 hours. In the country I live, guests almost always give cash gifts (about 150-200 per couple attending but at least enough to cover your plate) and if I were a guest it would be a lot of pressure to attend both, especially if I had to travel, give gifts and pay for two outfits. I also wouldn’t want to go to someone elses wedding the day after my own as here it’s a day to relax (weddings don’t finish until about 3-4am) and have an after party at night, so that would also be a factor in my decision. It sounds like you want to keep your date though, so do whatever you need to do as long as you’re okay with those 10 people potentially declining. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @henhouse7:  To be blunt… I wouid not be friends with you anymore if you booked your wedding the day before mine, especially in this scenario. You were invited to their wedding, and planned on going. They had to postpone due to a pandemic. Please, unless you want to come off as completely inconsiderate… pick another date.

    Post # 35
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee

    I think you’re the only one that’s going to be able to judge for sure what you should do based on how much you value your friendship with these people. If you’re really not very close, then it might not bother them. But if they think of you as “good but old friends” this is likely to downgrade the friendship a bit. 

    Post # 36
    Hostess
    4741 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I chose “pick a different date” as I’d be shocked if you’re able to book October 9th this late in the game with all the Covid delays.  We planned our October wedding 18 months out and some of the Saturdays were already booked – this was years ago, so before Covid delays even were at issue.  I think that once you see what dates are available, this won’t be a concern anymore.  

    ETA: Even if it was local, I wouldn’t have attended a wedding the day before mine.  We had our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner the afternoon/evening before.  All of your friend’s VIPs will have to chose whether to miss her rehearsal or your wedding.  Even if the date is available, I would choose something else.  And this is coming from someone who almost scheduled her own wedding on our 10th dating anniversary, but chose a different date to accomodate VIPs (no regrets about it).  Your wedding anniversary will still be special!  We celebrate both our dating and wedding anniversaries each year. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    1237 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I voted to keep your date, but after reading all the replies I changed my mind! The actual date isn’t that important, in the long run. My husband and I met on September 10 and got married on September 23 two years later. I still remember our original anniversary and might say something, but it all blends together. We celebrate it on a weekend anyway, usually. And his birthday was the day before our wedding so we’re celebrating that too. 

    If you want this couple, and any of the same guests, to attend both weddings, then having both events the same weekend just isn’t realistic. Plan yours for the following weekend if you can get a venue. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee

    I think if you’re prepared to no longer be friends with this couple then go ahead and plan your wedding the day before. There’s no way you’ll have the energy to attend her wedding the next day, and she will definitely be too busy planning her wedding to attend yours the day before hers.
    If I were her I would be hurt. Maybe you should talk to her directly about it and see her reaction. Maybe she won’t care 

    Post # 39
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Yes, it would be extremely inconsiderate to plan a wedding the day before your friend’s. They’re already going through a lot postponing their wedding during a pandemic, which is stressful enough (I would know, as would tons of brides on here!). 

    I also think you seem to be downplaying how close you are as friends. If you don’t think she’s a good friend to you then fine, but a 10 person guest list overlap for a friend and not family member is actually a lot (to me). So if you don’t care about her feelings then at least think of how inconvenient you’d be making things for the rest of the overlapping friends. 

    I also don’t understand this obsession with “meaningful” dates either – the date will be meaningful either way because it’s the day you’re getting married. 

    Also, if I were one of the 10 overlapping guests and knew you chose the day before their wedding after they already announced their new date, it would be the equivalent in my eyes as showing up to their wedding in a big white dress or announcing a pregnancy at their wedding…and I’d prioritize going to their wedding if I couldn’t make both.

    Just choose another date. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    1323 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I think it would be incredibly rude. These are lifelong friends, not acquaintances. As such you aren’t as close as you were in high school but that’s to be expected. You no longer see them daily and are no longer in high school.

    They won’t be able to attend your wedding as they will have their own rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. And no Bride or Groom wants to spend the night before their wedding at a wedding. Any mutual friends that are invited to their rehearsal will miss your wedding. Also as a mutual friend, I don’t want to attend weddings on back to back days. I would pick theirs as I would have been planning to go for years now. Also as a mutual friend when I found out your date I would think it was incredibly rude and selfish and my opinion of you would change. You may not just lose the bride and groom as friends but your 10 mutual friends.

    You probably wouldn’t feel like going to their wedding the next day but, it would be in incredibly poor taste to show up at their wedding like, we’re so sorry you couldn’t be there we got married last night…. um no if you were sorry you would have picked another date. It’s inconsiderate to the 10 overlapping guests and couple and I would definitely no longer consider you a friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire friend group stopped inviting you to all events.

    It’s just a date. What about the date you first kissed, said I love you, talked about marriage, moved in together… to me your dating anniversary is just that, a date. Your wedding day will be significant because it’s the date you get married. It’s not going to be less special because it’s not THE date you first met or kissed or said I love you or started dating. Would it have been cool sure, but your mutual friends announced their date before you. So pick a date a week before or after and get married and save yourself a lot of DRAMA, hurt feelings, and a group of 10-12 people that have known you since high school thinking you are selfish.

    “I know their wedding is already planned and they had to postpone it an entire year due to a pandemic… but it’s our dating anniversary and 2021 is our year!” Without considering the pandemic and postponing it’s not a good look.

    Pick a date that’s not the day before a friends already fully planned wedding.

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