Post # 1
How do you navigate wedding planning if you have family members footing the bill? Is any money ever truly “no strings attached?”
I’m trying to generate advice for a friend [link removed] with serious strings. What do you girls think?
Post # 3
Can you tell us more about the strings?
I think your friend basically needs to figure out what those who are footing the bill have in mind. What do they want to see in the wedding? (Will they just sign a check? Are they wanting invites for all of their friends? Certain venues, food, bar?)Yes, I do think that if you are accepting someone’s money you do have to be prepared for them to give you ultimatums. (Although sometimes ppl just give a check for the couple to use as they please.) But could it be what they givers want might be on the same page as what the couple wants?
After figuring out where the givers stand, your friend will then have to decide if she’d rather have her wedding under their terms, or try to pay for it herself. To each his/her own. I can see it many ways. Some brides are so set on having it just the way they envision, it’s better to do it on a very limited budget. While others feel their own money is better spent saving for a home. Some feel that even though they can’t have their wedding just as they envisioned, having a wedding with a bigger budget will get them closer to what they want than having a wedding they have to pay for themselves.
Post # 4
Good question. In this case the couple’s parents are asking that they get married in the Catholic Church in order to receive funding for the wedding. Something the couple is strongly against.
Post # 5
I feel like there is big difference between your parents insisting you invite their friends or picking a certain venue and insisting you get married in the Catholic Church. Religion is a very personal decision and being bribed into making a committment before God in a particular church feels wrong to me. I’ve gone through this with my Grandmother and I told her I didn’t need her $.
Post # 6
Oh there are lots of strings. Mom is giving us money – and wants to use that money to pay for the food and alcohol at the wedding reception, so mom got to invite whomever she wanted.
At first I was annoyed, but then I decided, the more the merrier. What’s another 500 bucks in food, with the price of this thing anyways… It will make her happy, allow her to have a fun time, and put another arguement behind us.
My dad is giving us some money, and so are my FIs parents, but there are no strings with that, it’s for whatever! FIs parents are also paying for the honeymoon, so we’ll be sure to send them postcards and get them a great gift!
Post # 7
Oh, money has strings. Boy does it ever. I’ve given my personal story time and time again. My parents offered to pay for a full wedding in Jamaica, pay for DH’s parents to fly out there, us, and an attendant each, and offered to pay for the honeymoon. So this meant: his mom, his friend, my parents, my friend, and the two of us. The only problem was, this meant his grandparents couldn’t make it, his sister, who was 7 months pregnant with a 1.5 year old and her husband couldn’t make it, and none of our friends could make it. So while the offer was generous (and worth probably 15K), we said it wasn’t feasible and why. Then they said, “well, we won’t just give you money for a wedding unless you have it this way” and we had to say “well, i guess we’re paying for the wedding ourselves”.
And we did. Getting married in Jamaica, how they wanted, and not having people like his grandparents, his sister, more distant family, and friends there was not something we were willing to compromise. On one hand, it was very generous of them to offer, on the other hand, it’s selfish because it only really catered to them, not the rest of our families.
Post # 8
Hmm. So both sets of parents are asking them to get married in the RCC? The parents are nervous. As they see it the couple won’t be married in the eyes of God, and will still be sinning. So they are trying to use whatever leverage they can to make this all work in their eyes. I think in their own mind they are trying to do what they think is best.
However, if the couple doesn’t believe in getting married in the RCC, I can only imagine they’ll do other things to regularly keep them out of the state of grace. (Not attending weekly obligation, perhaps using birth control etc.) So I don’t think the parents’ efforts will do much good. And if they don’t really believe in the vows they’re taking…
Post # 9
Thanks, guys. I appreciate it!