Planning Before Formally Engaged

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
  • poll: How much did you plan before formally engaged?

    We didn't do any planning, other than talking in hypotheticals/general preferences

    We solidified a date

    We looked at some vendors we might prefer

    We booked vendors in advance & paid a deposit for our preffered date

  • Post # 16
    2848 posts
    Sugar bee

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    gatsbygirl :  We decided on a date and toured venus before he proposed. He proposed the week I was touring venues and decided on one. I knew he was going to propose, and we approached it like a joint decision. 

    Post # 18
    1994 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

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    gatsbygirl : Proposal is on hold because in his words he “wants to get me a nice ring that he can be proud of” even though I’ve stressed I don’t want a pricey ring.

    He obviously has no clue as to how much weddings cost.  How about you give him some figures and convince him to save some of that e-ring $$ for the wedding. See??? reason for early researching!!!

    On an unrelated note,  you’re going to go over budget.  Just wanted to warn you of the inescapable reality.



    Post # 20
    476 posts
    Helper bee

    We talked about general dates/timeframe and what planning would look like in a general way. But we didn’t formally look at venues until after our formal engagement. However, my husband had absolutely zero idea of how long (large) weddings can take to plan or how much they can cost. Early research would have been a very good thing!

    Post # 21
    476 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    gatsbygirl :  Not everyone but it’s very easy to be tempted to stretch your budget, and even if you don’t, there are almost ALWAYS unanticipated costs that come up that you forgot to budget for.

    Post # 22
    8 posts
    • Wedding: September 2021 - Ipswich, Suffolk, UK

    We’re another couple who’ve gone quite far without the engagement being official.

    We haven’t set a date, but we know approximately when we’re going to book for.

    We’ve discussed guest lists.

    We’ve chosen a venue – suggested by future Father-In-Law. It’s a public space so we took a walk just to see it and I fell in love, it’s beautiful. Will pay the deposit once we do make it official and have a date.

    My friend is a photographer, so I’ve asked him if he’ll do ours and he’s said yes.

    We’ve decided who’ll be catering (offer from a family member) and I’ve started browsing ideas for what that may include. A vegan buffet, most likely.

    And I’ve already said yes to a dress! It was a second hand find I stumbled upon which just so happened to be my dream style and an almost perfect fit, so decided to go for it. 

    The engagement won’t be far away – we’ve had a lot going on and are planning a move very soon, so I think we’re going to get settled first. But I think it’s nice that the planning is already coming together as something we can visualise and look forward to.

    Post # 23
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2021 - Hertfordshire, England

    We booked our venue and photographer about a month before we were ‘officially’ engaged.

    My ring was custom and I knew it was being made. I also knew we wanted to get married in a busy month at a popular venue. My Fiance saw that I was stressed and said ‘why don’t we just book it now?’ Although he did keep teasing me about how he might still change his mind, lol 🙄

    Post # 24
    3089 posts
    Sugar bee

    So, I’m not sure we ever crossed a line where we were “formally engaged”.  We mutually decided we wanted to get married, and within 6 months had worked with jewelrs on custom rings (tracked down diamonds, designed rings, etc).  But we picked a location and an approximate date within a week or two of deciding we wanted to get married, and we settled on a date within a month and put a deposit on the venue.  

    I’m of the “if you’ve agreed you are going to get married in the near future, you’re engaged” types, though.  


    Post # 26
    1706 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    We booked our venue first, but we had designed the ring together and it was already in production. We also talked to vendors and went to a wedding expo.

    In your situation, I definitely would not put down any deposits. Your budget will depend a lot on your partner’s employment. 

    It is RIDIC hard to stay on budget, btw. The little things add up.

    IMO, it makes sense to start touring venues now, while your bf has some extra time. 

    Post # 28
    2570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    We already knew we’d want our venue if the tour went as expected, and we knew what we wanted our approximate date and honeymoon to be.

    We saved the venue tour until after we were engaged, and it didn’t disappoint, so it was the only venue we toured and we booked it the next day. Date availability was definitely a benefit of getting engaged over a year before the wedding!

    So, now we have our 12-13-20 wedding date and will be headed to see some Christmas Markets! 

    Post # 29
    3070 posts
    Sugar bee

    I feel like hypothetical planning can make sense and be a fun way to pass the “waiting” time, but if you’re planning actual things involving deposits, setting dates etc., then that makes you engaged whether it happened “formally” or not. 

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