Planning Before Formally Engaged

posted 7 days ago in Engagement
  • poll: How much did you plan before formally engaged?
    We didn't do any planning, other than talking in hypotheticals/general preferences : (56 votes)
    68 %
    We solidified a date : (10 votes)
    12 %
    We looked at some vendors we might prefer : (4 votes)
    5 %
    We booked vendors in advance & paid a deposit for our preffered date : (12 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 16
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    gatsbygirl :  We decided on a date and toured venus before he proposed. He proposed the week I was touring venues and decided on one. I knew he was going to propose, and we approached it like a joint decision. 

    Post # 18
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    gatsbygirl : Proposal is on hold because in his words he “wants to get me a nice ring that he can be proud of” even though I’ve stressed I don’t want a pricey ring.

    He obviously has no clue as to how much weddings cost.  How about you give him some figures and convince him to save some of that e-ring $$ for the wedding. See??? reason for early researching!!!

    On an unrelated note,  you’re going to go over budget.  Just wanted to warn you of the inescapable reality.



    Post # 20
    445 posts
    Helper bee

    We talked about general dates/timeframe and what planning would look like in a general way. But we didn’t formally look at venues until after our formal engagement. However, my husband had absolutely zero idea of how long (large) weddings can take to plan or how much they can cost. Early research would have been a very good thing!

    Post # 21
    445 posts
    Helper bee

    gatsbygirl :  Not everyone but it’s very easy to be tempted to stretch your budget, and even if you don’t, there are almost ALWAYS unanticipated costs that come up that you forgot to budget for.

    Post # 22
    5 posts
    • Wedding: Ipswich, Suffolk, UK

    We’re another couple who’ve gone quite far without the engagement being official.

    We haven’t set a date, but we know approximately when we’re going to book for.

    We’ve discussed guest lists.

    We’ve chosen a venue – suggested by future Father-In-Law. It’s a public space so we took a walk just to see it and I fell in love, it’s beautiful. Will pay the deposit once we do make it official and have a date.

    My friend is a photographer, so I’ve asked him if he’ll do ours and he’s said yes.

    We’ve decided who’ll be catering (offer from a family member) and I’ve started browsing ideas for what that may include. A vegan buffet, most likely.

    And I’ve already said yes to a dress! It was a second hand find I stumbled upon which just so happened to be my dream style and an almost perfect fit, so decided to go for it. 

    The engagement won’t be far away – we’ve had a lot going on and are planning a move very soon, so I think we’re going to get settled first. But I think it’s nice that the planning is already coming together as something we can visualise and look forward to.

    Post # 23
    13 posts
    • Wedding: July 2021 - Hertfordshire, England

    We booked our venue and photographer about a month before we were ‘officially’ engaged.

    My ring was custom and I knew it was being made. I also knew we wanted to get married in a busy month at a popular venue. My Fiance saw that I was stressed and said ‘why don’t we just book it now?’ Although he did keep teasing me about how he might still change his mind, lol 🙄

    Post # 24
    2603 posts
    Sugar bee

    So, I’m not sure we ever crossed a line where we were “formally engaged”.  We mutually decided we wanted to get married, and within 6 months had worked with jewelrs on custom rings (tracked down diamonds, designed rings, etc).  But we picked a location and an approximate date within a week or two of deciding we wanted to get married, and we settled on a date within a month and put a deposit on the venue.  

    I’m of the “if you’ve agreed you are going to get married in the near future, you’re engaged” types, though.  


    Post # 26
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    We booked our venue first, but we had designed the ring together and it was already in production. We also talked to vendors and went to a wedding expo.

    In your situation, I definitely would not put down any deposits. Your budget will depend a lot on your partner’s employment. 

    It is RIDIC hard to stay on budget, btw. The little things add up.

    IMO, it makes sense to start touring venues now, while your bf has some extra time. 

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