(Closed) planning before it's official

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

First off — What’s a groomothra?


If you KNOW you’re getting engaged I don’t think it’s Kate Hudson movie crazy to start planning but clearly you think there’s something wrong with doing so if you won’t go to an appointment without a ring.


Personally, I would wait until getting engaged.  But I had enough time given the date we wanted and knew the ring was in DH’s closet πŸ™‚

Post # 4
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@TrousseauHorse:  I have my entire wedding planned, booked and partially paid for; we aren’t official yet nor will we be until around Christmas of this year lol. Aside from my sister and 2 friends no one knows that we are getting married. We made the decision and looked at a few venues; at this point we realized how quickly things book up (we are getting married August 23, 2014) places were already booking into 2015! So we started booking.  

I went to appointments with vendors with no engagement ring, heck I even told the manager at my reception location we weren’t officially engaged yet! You and your SO have made the choice to get married, there’s nothing strange about that and since joining Weddingbee I realize there are a lot more people who are doing this whole process backwards too.  

Don’t over think it; do what feels right for you. And congrats either way!

Post # 5
463 posts
Helper bee

Haha you’re funny πŸ™‚

Honestly since you are engaged in the sense of planning a wedding, I would just own it. Go and look at venues or whatever totally unashamed.

My guess is these types of folks know better than to scrutinize your ring finger anyway – making you feel awkward is not a good way for them to get your money. It’s totally normal to not have a ring at first, or even at all.

However 9 months is also PLENTY imo.

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee

hi I don’t think you are crazy as my now Fiance gave me the go ahead long before we were engage to start planning and I was glad I did as things do book up quickly. my dream venue had only two dates left and we were lucky to get it. I say go for it,

Post # 7
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My SO was talking today about how we need to start saving for a wedding. I was like o really? last time I checked I was not properly asked lol. I was like no ring no planning. He is the one who wants to start planning. I don’t understand if he knows he wants to get married and is looking at planning….wheres the ring???


Post # 8
132 posts
Blushing bee

Haha don’t stress! It’s totally reasonable to be planning at this stage. Heck, I’ve been planning for a few months and I won’t be engaged until later this year and will be having a long engagement (like 3 years long)! I get a little too excited sometimes – it’s been all online planning, please dont judge me haha!

Anyway, back to you! If you want to start planning, then go ahead and plan. Even without a ring, at this stage you will be engaged soon and a year is a good time to give yourself to plan. Maybe you’ll find the venue of your dreams and it could potentially book up if you leave it until you’re officially engaged. Please don’t stress out, this is meant to be an exciting, yet sometimes daunting, time in your life. Enjoy it πŸ™‚

Post # 9
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Darling Husband and I decided at the end of Jan 2010 that we were going to get engaged before my lease ended June 2010 and move in together. I wanted to get married during the Fall of 2010. Darling Husband thought that he could propose in June and I could start planning then–silly boys!


He gave me the go ahead to start planning. In March I put down the deposit on our venue and bought my dress (it even came in before he proposed because it only took 10 days). I think I had most of the stuff planned by then (maybe even met with photographers) by the time he officially proposed in April. 


I say go ahead and start looking, planning and putting deposits down. No one really realizes how soon things get booked up and how much effort it takes.


Post # 12
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’re doing this (we have to wait to get formally engaged as well) and it is going well, we’re going to finalize and pay for our venue on a trip in two weeks! We are not getting engaged until this Christmas. Neither of us want to plan a large wedding in 8 months.

I say as long as he is on board, do it. You’re engaged if you’re planning a wedding, the ring is just a public symbol of that.

I had those fears at first when he was like “lets pick a date” I was like ‘oh god people are going to think I’m nuts’ but so far, nobody has even batted an eyelash and I have gotten over the fear that he’s going to change his mind.

Post # 13
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@mchitt329:  I think Groomothra is the male equivalent of Bridezilla. Godzilla battled Mothra in a movie. You are clearly not a nerd πŸ™‚ I’m not either… my SO says I’m “marrying into the geek community” and gets very excited when I get references like this.


@TrousseauHorse:  That first paragraph made me laugh so hard my SO came in to check on me and I had to hide WeddingBee!!! And girl… don’t worry about planning already. I confessed to a group of bridesmaids a few weeks ago that I was planning my wedding (even calling venues and researching DOCs) without a ring and all the married ladies were like “You HAVE TO! Weddings take FOREVER to plan and you’ll most likely only have a year and it’s all so overwhelming!!!!” So I feel better about it now. 

Post # 15
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@TrousseauHorse:  LOL Your friend is brilliant. WeddingBee is the perfect outlet for your crazy!!

I would give mom a heads up. Perhaps you could have it letterpressed and hand delievered so as not to offend her WASP-iness. πŸ˜› Seriously, though, it sounds like you’re going to have about a 6 month “official” engagement. That’s going to freak her out because it’s too much planning. Better to get her in on it now. 

Post # 16
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally could never do this. It’s too weird. When you’re making the first appointments, everyone is gushing about you being newly engaged and asking questions how it happened and when and IDK I can’t imagine doing that all without being engaged.  If you’re plannign to just say we aren’t engaged yet then that will nip it in the bud, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend wearing a ring – it’ll just welcome in questions you can’t yet answer.

We wanted a fall 2012 wedding but do to some logistical issues didn’t get engaged until Feb 2012 so fall was out. I understand the wanting to plan before engaged so you get your dream date, but at the end of the day it wasn’t a big deal to sacrifice the date and season and move our wedding to march 2013.  

It’s so exciting doing all that stuff right after you get engaged, I’d just hate having that excitment taken away because you already did half the planning before you got your ring.  That’s just me though.

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