Post # 1
So… I’m sure a million people have dealt with this before me, but whatever. I’m freaking out.
SO and I talked, about a month ago, about getting married. I’m super excited, duh, because I super want to marry him! BUT, he’s Mr. Finance, and he wants to a) pay for most/all of the wedding (I tried to talk him down a little bit… as my parents paid for most/all of my sister’s wedding and I think they’d be weird if they didn’t contribute at all) and b) he wants to have all of this money saved before he proposes. He says this will take about/less than 6 months, but we want to get married next May (2013).
I (of course) immediately started looking at wedding blogs and getting ideas, but I’m getting worred that all the good venues (read: MY IDEAL VENUE!!) is going to get booked unless I act really fast. I called that venue today, and the coordinator kind of confirmed my fears: I need to get this done with soon.
The problem is: I feel really strange planning serious things, and setting down money, without a ring. I haven’t told my parents yet (I’m not sure about their reaction.. I am 25, but they are a li’l possessive…). Advice? I just wrote a long email to SO (I’m away on vacation/working a summer festival for a month away from home) about plans and asking questions about what he sees our wedding being like… it’s just very surreal and I don’t know if I’m being stupid or if it’s just normal engaged/planning freaking out. 🙂
Post # 3
Well this should hopefully make you feel better. I’m 27, and not engaged but I have a venue booked for May 26,2013 as well as my photographer and DJ. My boyfriend lives in Texas and I travel there 3 times a month. Long distance has really been wearing on us so we decided we need to have some kinda end in sight that there is confirmation I’ll be moving there. We both know how much we love each other and we know we want to get married, so we figured why not just start planning. He was 100% on board as well as my parents. Trust me its verrryyy tough asking your parents to put down thousands of dollars on a venue and you dont even have a ring on your finger. But the good part is that we have chosen a ring and it is being made, when its coming will be a surprise but I do know its coming. Now as for looking at venues and whatnot, Ill be honest, I wore a fake ring, I just felt people wouldn’t have taken me seriously if I was not engaged. So the things I have booked do think I am already engaged, and my boyfriend has come along with me and met them as well. I knew for a fact I wanted a May wedding, and let me tell you May and June are BUSYYYYY months to get engaged and I was not loosing out on my venue just because I didn’t have a ring yet. So honestly I say if you know hes it for you, just start planning you have nothing to loose!
Post # 4
I told SO flat-out that weddings take a minimum of nine months to plan–just like a baby. That made sense to him, especially when I mentioned specifics like dress fittings, save the dates and that most engagements are 1-2yrs long. I threw the idea around of doing our wedding in November and HE vetoed it, saying we wouldn’t have enough time to plan.
Tell him you need X amount of months and he’ll hopefully get the picture. After all, if you’re looking at May 2013, he still has two more months to pop the question 😉
Post # 5
@burgers: Hi, let me just start by saying…..STOP Planning…..why the rush???? Choose a date thats in 2014 so you can properly plan , your tastes may change and then where will you be? What if you move? Or break up? Be careful…..
Post # 6
I think it’s totally ok to plan, just don’t do anything like put a deposit down until you have your SO onboard!
Post # 8
@burgers: in all fairness, I know coordinators just want to get things booked so their going to pressure you to get it done ASAP. I don’t think its silly to think ahead, I’ll admit I’m guilty of this, but don’t put any money down and if you’re really concerned go talk to him and explain that it does take a little bit and you want this and this and you need to do it soon.
Best of luck to you! 🙂
Post # 9
@megs8684: That’s a really interesting way of doing it Megs8684, I like it
Post # 10
it’s ok to start getting ideas of what you like now, just don’t put down any deposits until you guys have a definite date. my fiance and i started planning our wedding a few months before we got engaged. we didn’t book any vendors, we just did research and got some quotes on prices. we wanted to get an idea of how much it would all cost so we would know how much we needed to save and how much time we’d need to save and plan.
and it’s ok to feel to be a little freaked out at the idea that you’re actually planning your wedding. i felt like that too. ever since i was a little girl i would talk about what i wanted my wedding to be like. when my fiance and i started talking about marriage, it kinda freaked me out a little just because it wasn’t a hypothetical wedding anymore, it was my actual wedding day we were talking about and it was going to happen. BUT by the time he proposed i was so ready to be engaged and start planning the wedding i had always dreamed of 🙂
Post # 11
@burgers: We booked our venue for May 26, 2013 a month before we got engaged. We needed that date because we have to get married on a Sunday and wanted to do it on a 3 day weekend. We also booked our band for that date before engagement. ALTHOUGH my FI had already purchased the ring 4 months before (he spent ALOT of money on the ring which I am not going to lie reassured/made it easier for my parent’s to invest some of their money into the venue beforehand)…he also spoke with my parent’s and told them what his plans for a proposal were!
Post # 12
@Dell79: we have the same wedding date! and thats the same reason we picked that weekend as well, it wasnt my first choice for a sunday wedding but since everyone is off monday it worked out. I actually had to go up against 2 other girls for that date but i got my payment in first. But our stories are very similar and it made my parents feel so much better once they knew the ring was purchased.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I really urge you to wait until things are official before you start booking things– especially someone who is so money concious, I could see that not sitting well with your SO. I know for a fact mine would have flipped out. Then there’s the risk that you’ll end up like my sister (hopefully not!) who bought her dress 8 years and 3 fiances before her wedding…
Post # 14
@juliette.eliza: Hate to threadjack but I really want to hear this story about your sister. It sounds like one of those don’t do that kind of tales.
Post # 16
I think it’s okay, but I personally would not feel comfortable doing it. If you have your eye on a specific venue that may be difficult to book, I’d say do that so you can get in, but other than that I’d hold off planning until the actual engagement. Research away though so you can hit the ground running when the time comes! 🙂