(Closed) Planning before the engagement?! Anyone else?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

I am in a similar position, where I have been with SO for forever but we are just now moving into the time in our life when we are both feeling ready. After we went looking at rings I had a very similar response and funnily enough, my “planning” involved scouting out venues online. I wouldn’t say I am planning the wedding, but I have become an avid pinterest user and it’s definitely on my mind. We are in the same boat 🙂 but I definitely won’t be spending a penny or really doing anyhting beyond dreaming over internet venues until we actually are engaged! 

 

Edited to add: A big reason why I started looking into venues was to get a realistic idea of how much our wedding was going to run us, so that I could set up my savings plan (I like to plan and love personal finances lol). 

Post # 3
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Fiance and I actually planned quite a bit before he proposed.  We had been together for 8 years and knew when we wanted to get married (down to the exact date because we wanted it to be close to our dating anniversary).  So I felt the same excitement and joy after having these conversations and started looking at venues as well.  When I found one that we both loved and inquired about it I found out that it books a minimum of 18 months out!  So we decided if that was the venue we wanted we would have to book it asap to get our date.  Our venue was booked 2 years before our upcoming wedding (7 months before he proposed).  After that we decided that it would be nice to spread the cost of the wedding out over the 2 years and continued to book vendors.  I know this is not traditional at all and most bees frown upon spending money on wedding things before being engaged, but it made sense to us.  We wanted to lock in prices before they went up for the following year, it made it easier on us to pay for things, we got our top choices of vendors because we were so early, and there hasn’t been any stress.  That initial excitement of planning and nonstop thinking about the wedding hasn’t gone away!  Now our wedding is 6 months away and I don’t regret the early planning at all!

Post # 4
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Not the same situation as you, but we have almost fully planned and paid for our wedding for this August although we are not officially engaged. There’s been a string of issues with the ring, it’s being remade right now and might take another 2 months. He doesn’t want to say we’re “engaged” until I have a ring on to show people so in the meantime I’m just holding tight / dying of anticipation! 

It’s also simplified because we are “eloping” (planned and not a secret) at a castle in Scotland so it’s not like we have to give people notice for a date. Our moms and best friends know, we’ll tell everyone else once the ring is done. It’s non tradtional but actually kind of fun! 

Just try to enjoy what you can for now without getting too caught up in it since you still have a couple of years 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee

I booked the venue a week before he proposed. However, when I started planning that intensely, I knew he would propose in the next month. Looking back, I’m surprised my parents went along with it and didn’t think I was crazy, but maybe it was because I also had a date in mind that was only 5 months after the proposal time and he had already asked my dad for his blessing.

Post # 7
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We have! SO has been talking about proposing/has been looking at rings for quite some time now, just about 2 years. In that time, we’ve spent a decent amount of time discussing the where/when/bouncing ideas around. It seems a little strange, but it’s also nice to know that we agree on everything and therefor won’t (or at least shouldn’t) hit any major disagreements when the time to officially plan comes. 

Post # 8
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My now-FI and I planned before he proposed. We’d weighed all our options and decided to “elope” on a cruise just the two of us and had picked out which cruise we were going on. He proposed right after that. 

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

Yes I’m doing the same. Haven’t narrowed it down completely, as I won’t know what’s available when the time comes. But he gave me a timeframe for when we’ll have my ring made (June) and I’ve been gathering ideas, picking out colors, talking with my BFF about details (she’ll be my MOH), and obsessing over the ring-to-be quite a bit. 

I’ve tried to dial it back but it is haaaaard. He knows and I’ll show him things I find to get his opinions.

He told me once he secretly likes my slight pre-planning obsession because it shows him how excited I am to marry him. Lol 🙂

All in due time, but gosh darnit, let’s hurry this year along, please!

Post # 10
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Fiance and I have been planning and paying for things since December.  No one knows other than our immediate family because we were waiting for my ring to come back from the designers so he could do a “formal” proposal.  It’s here now and we’re going to Italy next week so I’m pretty sure it’ll be then.  We have all the major vendors booked (venue/caterer, florist, photographer).  FWIW we’ve known each other 9 years, and we’re a similar age to you (27 and 34).  We didn’t want a long engagement either, wedding is in September.

Post # 11
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

Oh, absolutely. It’s a go-to when I’m feeling bored. He and I have looked at venues, bought books, scoped out invitation styles, the works. (Granted, when I say he and I it’s more of a 10%/90% thing!) Not booking or anything, just looking for fun.

Thanks for making this post, I feel less insane knowing lots of people do it.

Post # 12
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

OP, if you want the venue I’d go have a look and book. One of the venues we saw was just okay. And the one we booked only had one date left this year. They told me that January is a busy time and they get in excess of 30 bookings in January each year, so we booked in December.

Post # 13
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I think part of the problem is dates typically filling up up to 2 years in advance.”

Wow, that’s crazy! I know of almost no one who started planning two years in advance. I live in a big city and started planning about 9 months before the wedding date. We booked our venue 7 months in advance and had no trouble finding a wide variety of places with available dates. Having to plan that far in advance would be an incredible barrier.

Post # 14
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee

Yup, we have everything planned alread, his suit was purchased, my dress is being made, date is picked, location reserved, photographer hired…. I do joke some times that he hasn’t really officially proposed yet but at this point why bother. He has even written his vows already

 

Post # 15
Member
3133 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t do any actual planning before we were officially engaged.  We had a timeline discussion previusly and knew approximately when we’d get engaged.  

Maybe 8-9 months before we officially got engaged I started doing a bit of wedding related research so I’d have a better idea of approximate costs, could start thinking about a budget, and also have an idea on how early vendors tend to book in my area.  

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