(Closed) Planning but not engaged

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m in the same boat.  We have the date, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, the dress, and suit.  As soon as we tie down the ceremony details and the music we should be good…oh, wait, there’s that other little detail of him actually asking me.  We decided last year we were getting married this fall…Septemberish, so he had pently of time.  Then we found out in December/January that he is being deployed around that time so we moved the wedding to April.  And I still haven’t been asked. 

It is very weird planning a wedding and the first thing people ask for is to see the ring and to know how he propsed, then you have to tell them that he hasn’t yet.  To some extent it doesn’t feel "real".  However, we printed a mock up of our invites this weekend and seeing it, on paper, made it very real all of the sudden.

Post # 4
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Yep I’m in the same boat. We talked about it, decided on it together (it’s a mutual decision, ya know?!) and even picked out the ring together. I don’t have it yet, because he wishes to surprise me with it, which is sweet). The wedding’s going to wait till we’re done with school, so we have over a year… but we’re already talking details and locations and guests etc.

Post # 6
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh yes, we planned much of the wedding before we had the ring. We don’t have an exact "engagement" date because it’s happened in phases. What’s important is the wedding date and our commitment to each other from this point forward, In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 7
160 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think there’s any harm in planning! It would be a little weird to plan details without being in a committed relationship…! Besides, if you know the date, there’s no point in waiting when you can get alot accomplished. No one wants to save things till the last minute anyway!

Post # 8
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I,  too, was in that boat. We had actually talked about marriage for a while.  And then I told him that I need a year in advance to plan the wedding (we were long distance).  So we pulled out a planner and picked the best date.  Then when I came home, we went venue shopping and put a deposit down.  I had to wait 6 months after we picked our date, venue, photog, and videographer before he finally proposed.  And yes, it is frustrating because I couldn’t tell my friends and it’s no fun planning a wedding by yourself, let me tell you.  We got invited to 12 weddings this year and thank goodness nobody picked our date or I would have gone psycho on the boy for taking so long to propose.

Are you allowed to tell people about the wedding if he hasn’t proposed yet?  I’m sure he’ll do it soon!

Post # 9
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

One of my friends was in the exact same situation…she had the date/venue/dress/etc picked out, and they had even picked out the ring, but he wanted to wait to give it to her until sometime when she’d be really surprised. He ended up proposing officially eventually, and she was thrilled.

I’m sure its coming…don’t feel weird planning, you’ve already decided everything together. The ring isn’t what makes you engaged, its the decisions you’ve made with your boyfriend that count!

Post # 10
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

this seems to be a new big trend… instead of the guy deciding when- You both decide.  I actually like it, I feel like it’s a big step for women.


Post # 11
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My boyfriend of one year and I had been talking about getting married since about the middle of the summer. He told me to start looking at rings to get an idea of what I liked and then he and I went shopping together. We narrowed it down to three rings. He went back to the jeweler without me and bought one. I didn’t know which one he bought-I just knew that he had one. That was in October. He wanted to wait to surprise me with it. Well, family holiday came and went with Thanksgiving (I had visions of a ring stuck in the cool whip on my pumpkin pie) and also Christmas (a dark room with a lit Christmas tree-romantic-was the vision for that one) and still, no proposal! He waited until we went away for our one year anniversary in January to pop the question-I was totally surprised and totally touched. He waited until the perfect moment, I turned around and he was down on both knees with an open ring box and proposed. It was perfect. All of that being said-we had picked a date, gotten bids on everything from florists, to photographers, etc.-were "penciled in" with our church, the florist & photographer. All of that pre-planning has made the wedding planning in the past three weeks since getting engaged very easy and alot of fun! I also have to say, as a second time bride (this is a 2nd marriage for both of us) and that I have children (5 year old twins) it is MUCH more enjoyable planning the 2nd time around-it’s about what my fiance and I want-no committee decisions on anything. It’s really been alot of fun to do-we’ve even decided on chocolate cupcakes on cupcake stands for the groom’s cake-the bakery was thrilled to do something different!

Post # 12
39 posts
  • Wedding: November 2010

We are planning, have set the date, and even have some of the centerpieces already and the card pockets for the invitations (I was able to get an amazing deal).  I know that he just bought the ring and is waiting for that perfect moment, which I hope is soon!!  I keep joking to him that I want some "birthday bling" as my birthday is coming up in a few weeks.

Post # 13
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have known for over six months we’re getting engaged.  It’s been told to our families we’re getting married this year, and we are firm about this!

He already has the ring..and we’re going off on our engagimoon in March! 

Post # 14
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, I’m an encore bride too!  I’m a good planner, loves design and decorating so this is anything but stressful for me! 

We will do a late summer/early fall wedding.  My grandparents wedding anniversary (their SEVENTIETH) is this year so we want to commemorate our date with their anniversary and to combine both celebrations!

I have purchased my gorgeous wedding shoes though.  That I have done.  My sister has already picked out the bridesmaids dresses (little black dress from j crew) and I have narrowed down to a few dresses/looks for me.  Colors picked long ago.  Feel designed months back. 

He knows that I require and will need at least four and a half to five months at a minimum!  I have info from four places we love and the final choice of venue will depend on the health of my grandmother.   

Post # 15
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I am in a similar situation, too! With the economy the way it is, this is probably not uncommon. Finances & emotions don’t always match up!

On Jan. 4th my boyfriend & I decided to get married. It was a wonderful & emotional time for us, and I count that as my "engagement." But I was unsure at first since there was no ring (we picked it out three weeks ago) yet we were ready to set dates & start planning, etc.

I asked him about it and he said he already feels "engaged" (he likes calling me his "fiancee!"), so the whole one-knee thing seemed like a formality to him. I agreed, but I didn’t want to take that moment away from him if he wanted it. He says that when the ring arrives, he’ll make "something formal" out of it.

In the meantime, we’ve looked at reception places, set a date and formally announced it to his parents, and we’re flying to CA next month to visit my family. It makes sense to me that engagement is a process rather than a single, shocking moment.


Post # 16
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think that’s strange at all! I was wedding planning before I had the ring on my finger, although my vision did change after it was there and I realized that my vision and my budget had to met somewhere in the middle.

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