(Closed) Planning but not engaged

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I began wedding planning as soon as I knew my husband had the ring, even though he didn’t  propose until 3 months after he got it!  I booked our venue over two months before he ended up proposing.  I think you know in your heart if it is the real thing, and if it is then go ahead and start planning.

Post # 18
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I also feel engaged as well, even though he actually hasn’t proposed.  He initiated the whole ring talk in November and we’ve been discussing it ever since.  As a joint (financial) decision, we’ve decided not to get engaged until the Spring … aka buy the ring and start wedding planning… but he tells everyone that we’re getting married!  I had to ask him to hold off because when we get engaged, we won’t have anyone to tell.  I’m just enjoying the pre-engagement wedding planning stage.  It’s just me daydreaming about it all at this point!!

Post # 19
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Not to sound crazy but I had almost everything planned before he popped the question ๐Ÿ™‚  So don’t let it stress you out too much.

Post # 20
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I’m in exactly the same boat!  We’ve been talking for months about getting married in the summer of 2009.  He even asked me how long of an engagement was appropriate.  We’ve looked at rings.  I’ve been expecting the ring and proposal for at least a couple of months now.  Around the first of the year we decided to go ahead and set a date so I could start planning.  All of the big stuff is done…..ceremony, recpetion, catering, flowers, my dress, music, etc., except for the "official" proposal!!!

@tabby — I agree with you that it’s frustrating when people ask to see the ring and want to know how he proposed!  And you’re right, it almost doesn’t seem real yet!  I’m crossing my fingers for a Valentine’s Day proposal!

Post # 21
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

My Fiance actually wanted to plan our wedding before we were officially engaged.  He brought the idea up last May and I was against it (traditionalist, I guess!)  If we had done it his way, we would be getting married this summer.  Because we waited until he actually proposed (November) we are not getting married until October.  It all worked out ok and I think that you just have to be comfortable with your decision….and to nicely speak up if you no longer feel comfortable with the present arrangement!

Post # 22
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m in the same boat. I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for 6 years,( i’m 22 and he’s 23) and we have been talking about getting married.  It feels like i’m not truly engaged because of the fact that he hasn’t asked me, and he hasn’t gave me a ring…We’ve set a date and are even looking at venues ect. But i don’t have a ring, but we’re planning on buying them this christmas…Our date is 10/10/2010, which is a while away, but he see’s no need to actually "plan" anything. He says that we shouldn’t plan anything for another 6 months…It’s driving me insane, I want him to be involved, but he doesn’t seem very interested, and he doesn’t understand that in some cases you need to plan further in advanced then other things… I’m just lost all by myself…sorry this is getting into way more then what this thread is about… I just feel like i’m pushing, but if i don’t push then it’s not going to happen… I just don’t know what in the world is happening….Grrrr…I’m stressed! I’m stressed! Help i’m a sinking ship!

Post # 23
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well don’t stress.  Just communicate with him. 

Today I had a talk with my guy and we both are sick and tired of the 2 houses thing and I am unofficially engaged (to me it doesn’t count just my opinion, till the ring is on the hand officially) and I will refuse to finalize one darn thing until then.  Today he was trying to figure out how l get out of the contract on my house (I am doing a lease purchase and I require giving only a 3 month notice as I did that on the front end proactively when I signed it) and what we want to do about that.

Our big trip is in less than a month…and Ms. Sparkley had best be sitting on left hand on the return flight.  Sorry.  I have pms.

Post # 24
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ditto with the PMS, that’s why i’m freaking stupid horrible hormones! lol. I understand why he says that we shouldn’t start planning, that we can just look at different things ect, and he agree’s we should only really put in stone the venue place, which we’re going to look at this saturday…But it’s hard not to "plan" anything

Post # 25
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m in the same boat, too! We went to look at rings back in October, and I knew he was up to something because he and the store employee spoke alone for ten minutes. But then the months passed and I kept trying to not think about it. All of my friends got married last year or are getting married this year, and he told me he thinks a September wedding would be good. We both agree on a 6-ish month engagement. Yet I’m still waiting for the ring.

FINALLY on Valentine’s Day, he told me that he had wanted to propose back in October, but the reason it has been taking so long is because the ring and diamond he chose take five months to order. He wants to have the ring when he asks me and make it special. So that means if he ordered it back when we first looked at the store, it may be ready sometime in March. I hate waiting, but I am so excited that it is really happening soon! And in my mind, I’ve already done a big part of the planning, though I refuse to put deposits down or tell anyone other than my closest friend until he officially asks me. ๐Ÿ™‚ (Good to know I’m not alone in this. I lurked on the Knot’s "not yet engaged" board, and everyone there would have snapped at me for a post like this!)

Post # 26
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Girl, my Fiance did the same thing. He wanted to surprise me. So after talking abou tit ans doing some pre-planning I fianlly got my proposal and then we changed eveything! I mean everything – date, location, time, colors. So have fun with it!

Post # 27
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My boyfriend and I picked out the ring and he ordered it, but it wasn’t ready before he deployed.  I told him I needed to start planning when he was gone and while I was in KC after Christmas to visit family.  It was a whirlwind week of planning, but we got my dress, the church, the priest, the reception site, and picked the date.  I felt weird planning without a ring, but it worked out.  It is incredibly difficult to plan while my man is halfway around the world!  It’s also difficult planning a wedding when I’m 3 states north of our wedding location.  I’m basically engaged, but I really look forward to having that official title.  He gets home soon!!

Post # 28
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m doing the same thing.  We call each other boyance and girlance.  To us we are engaged.  We have booked our venue and photographer but I am going to wait until I get the ring to sign any other contracts.  It’s great that I get to plan but it’s also hard when you can’t tell everyone about it because some people might think it’s weird or not real.

Post # 29
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s good to know that I’m not along in this boat! We’re planning on a spring 2010 wedding (May to be precise), but we’re not engaged with a ring. He’s always talking about this and that in relation to the wedding and what we’ll do when we’re married- but we still haven’t gotten engaged.

 I’m graduating this spring, he did two years ago, and I’ll be moving in with him in June. He had planned on proposing over the summer, but after Future Brother-In-Law lost his job he became nervous about finances and chose to save longer before buying a ring. I’m sure the economic situation has caused many proposals to go on hold. We were planning on already being engaged when I moved to Nashville (in June), but it looks like that might not be the case. 

We’ve had a couple arguments about the "importance" of the ring; where I keep trying to explain that it’s not materialistic, it just makes a physical symbol of the promise we’re going to make to each other. He understands and wants to do it really bad, but being only two years out of college it’s hard to have that much money in the bank. But it is nice to know there’s other ladies with the same deal- and I’m not a crazy person planning this far in advance!

Post # 30
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Me too!  We’ve been together over 3 years, have chosen a date, and have looked at rings.  However, we’re both in grad school and our chosen date is not for almost 2 more years! (we’re trying to wait until after graduation)

Post # 31
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorta on the fence about this.  On one hand, I think it totally is a big step for womenkind, but in the other, I feel like it’s plain old male laziness.  It’s as though they want to test the waters before actually taking the leap and seeing if you’ll say yes.

 That’s not fair.  ๐Ÿ˜› It’s not much of a surprize when you already know they have a ring.

If it’s any consolation, I was in a similar situation, I never told my fiance I was disapointed because I was happy to be marrying him, but in a way, that’s a memory I’ll never actually have. ๐Ÿ™

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