(Closed) Planning Dilemma…grad school and other issues

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@xiabu:  I guess for me, the idea of marriage is more important than a wedding, so I would put all money into the schooling and career, and focus on that (and elope). That doesn’t really sound like something you’d be open to, though.


Just a word of advice – planning life doesn’t always work. For example, there’s no guarantees that you will get a job right after you finish the degree (you planned to work for a year before going into grad school). Keep that in mind. I got a job right after my BA, but my sister (who has a masters from a world class university) is still working odd jobs, a year and a half later.


I like the idea of the combined bachelors/masters degree. Are you placed for the internship or do you have to find it on your own? That can be another factor as well.


Could you set a budget with your parents and have them pay for the whole wedding? That way you could have a wedding maybe on your summer break this year or next. It may not be the wedding of your dreams, though.


I guess it really comes down to how badly you want an expensive wedding. If it’s your #1 priority, then you may have to wait until 2016. If not, scale back a bit and marry sooner.




Post # 4
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would get married over summer break 2014 or 2015. Fiance is starting grad school 2 weeks after we get married, and I’d rather be married when he’s in grad school than engaged…

Post # 5
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I really wanted a lot of stuff for our wedding.  I had high expectations and we’ve spent thousands over our budget.  Now that the day is almost here, I’m wondering what I was thinking.  Yeah, it’s going to be my dream wedding.  But now we can’t take our dream honeymoon.  We also can’t pay off our school debt as fast as we wanted to.  We’ve had a lot of unexpected expenses come up too.  Life happens.  You can plan as much as you want (and trust me, this is coming from a BIG planner), but in the end, your plan might get completely thrown out.


If you want to be married, then get married and do a big wedding later.  If you want the big wedding, then realize that you will be sacrificing other things.  How long you’re engaged doesn’t really matter in my book.  But also know that there’s not much planning you can really do until you have a firm wedding date picked.


Honestly, if I were you, I’d just concentrate on school and let the engagement follow later.


Post # 7
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@xiabu:  That is a legitimate concern.  Until you pick a date, people are really annoying.  When are you getting married?  Have you picked a date?  What’s taking so long.  Jeez, back off!  LOL!


My co-worker got engaged a couple months after me, but she’s not getting married till October 2014.  No one in the office has commented on her longer engagement.  She freely tells people why (her fiance is finishing school, they’re moving, etc).  I don’t think people will judge you for having a long engagement unless it’s like 5 or 10 years or something.


And who cares what they think anyway?  This is about you and your fiance, no one else.  Don’t let them bring you down!  When you finally get proposed to, you’re going to be so overwhelmed with joy.  Don’t let ANYONE take away from your happiness.


Post # 8
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in school part time, work full time, and and planning my wedding. And it’s pretty stressful. But it’s not impossible. I would get engaged now because you want to make that committment. Then decide whether you’re ok with the stress of wedding planning while in school. Maybe set the wedding date for a few months after you graduate to give yourself some last minute planning time right before the wedding. I’m graduating in December 2013 and getting married in April 2014, so at least I have about 3 months after graduation to get last minute things done. I have to say though, I’m strugglng getting things done right now! Between work and school, I just want to sleep in my spare time.

Post # 9
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@xiabu:  I think the combined programme sounds very interesting, but if you really want a big wedding I’d just postpone the whole engagement for a bit while you think things over.

You guys sound very stable and committed so maybe wait a year to get engaged and see how things work out with this programme and start wedding planning when you have more time/money and are more relaxed.

Even though you see it differently most people see engagements as starting to plan a wedding (to be honest I don’t get the point of being engaged for years, appart from certain situations where there are practical issues, mainly because I think that if you feel secure and happy and commited in your relationship then you don’t need to broadcast your intentions). But if you don’t care go for it, it’s your business howlong you are engaged for but I think it would make more sense to pushit back a bit to when you have a clearer understanding of what lies ahead school wise.

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