- 4 months ago
- Wedding: May 2022
I have written a few posts asking about navigating guest lists. FH and I have friends/family spread out across the US and wherever we would have the wedding, at least 50%+ of our guests would have to travel. So, we decided to pick a centrally located state to host a US based destination wedding in for 2022. FH comes from a big community where 250+ person weddings are the norm, and his demographic DOES travel for destination weddings—one friend in their group got married in Mexico and had a 95% turnout rate out of 150 US based guests. My dream wedding was always ~60-90 people with a beautiful dinner party feel. We decided to compromise at around 150 guests, and our guest list is currently at 176 (109 are from his side, and 67 are from my side—we are from two different areas, so there is very little overlap in our lists).
Having a destination wedding, we feel that it would be nice to host our guests for at least 2 events, so we are including everyone in the rehearsal dinner/welcome party (we are renting out a bar). The bar has a capacity of 150 people. Our wedding venue also has a capacity of 150 people. I know that destination weddings have less people show up than local weddings, but with our demographic of guests, I am worried that we could have a 90% turnout rate, which would put us over capacity with 176 invites. FH doesn’t want to cut anyone else for “political reasons.” I, on the other hand, have people that I definitely could still cut. On both sides, but more so on FH’s side, there will be guests that we hardly even have active relationships with, and that makes me cringe. For example, FH’s parents have invited 22 of their own friends (we cut this from 40), whereas mine have invited 6… I suppose it is worth mentioning that FH’s family is paying for the rehearsal dinner/welcome party and my family is paying for the wedding.
Overall, I am frustrated and tired. We took a trip to where our wedding will be over the weekend to try two catering options before picking one. I am an avid cook and serving wonderful food in a dinner party atmosphere was my main requirement for the wedding—part of the reason why I wanted a smaller wedding was to splurge on food. Both tastings went well but one was with a chef who captured my “vision” perfectly. He worked closely with me on highlighting ingredients that were important to me. For example, my grandfather was a cook/restaurant owner, he passed away, but cooked with a lot of mint. Featured beautifully in almost every dish that the chef served us was MINT. The tasting with the other catering option went well but was pretty standard fare. If we had 100 or less guests, then we could go with the “mint chef,” but with 150 people, it is simply not within the budget at this point. I am ok going with the standard option; however, I do feel that it is a compromise that I am making with little appreciation! Everyone keeps saying that this wedding is for me, the bride, and while I know that regardless, I will have a blast, what the wedding is turning into does not feel exactly like me. I never envisioned myself having a traditional 150-person wedding and am trying to make compromises along the way because I get that a wedding is about two groups/families joining together. I suppose that this was more of a rant than direct questions!