(Closed) Planning immediate family only wedding– how to tell other people?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I don’t think you really owe anyone an explanation,  if anyone asks why don’t you just explain like you did here? Those are all perfectly legitimate reasons to have an intimate wedding and immediate family only is very understandable for most people.  Sure everyone loves a good party, but your friends will still be happy for you without the big party.  It might be nice to have a casual get together with your friends at a separate time to celebrate, but I think it’s a little disappointing to be invited to a reception immediately following the ceremony but not the ceremony itself. 

Post # 3
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have to give a reason. I certainly would not recommend that you tell them that you would rather spend the money on a trip rather than hosting them at the wedding.

Juts tell them you are having an intimate, immediate family only wedding.

Post # 4
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have a cousin doing this. While we are all disappointed to miss out, we understand. You  just cannot start making exceptions..(well, I’m really close with this aunt so we invited her…etc). She’s inviting  1-2 super close girlfriends which we understand as well.

My only comment would be to ensure your parents are okay with their generous monetary gift going towards a trip rather than the wedding. As long as they are cool with it, go for it!

Post # 5
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

We did only parents, grandparents, and siblings. His family is pretty conventional, so I am sure it was hard for them to stomach. We explained it by simply saying it was a very small wedding with just our immediate family. I made sure to include the fact it was only parents, grandparents, and siblings. I think that people finally understood when they saw our pictures, which I am sure they did. It was definitely the first of the sort for his family. No venue, no big part, no fancy dress. Just immediate family having a nice dinner together. 

Post # 6
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband and I had a small courthouse wedding with only our son, my parents, his, and a brother and sister. We had a nice dinner after. It was just perfect, but yes we did have a few friends and family members that weren’t pleased. Brush it off; it’s your choice, your money, finances, etc. There’s no need for explanation. The only thing I would change is telling his mother, who didn’t come to our wedding, the date we planned right after the engagement. She put it all over social media, and tools all her extended family before we even announced anything ourselves. We had so much damage control to do after she did that. I was pissed. So my advice is, let those that you ate planning to invite know right away what your plans are, that way nothing spreads by word of mouth. Hope this post makes sense, I’m in a hurry and I don’t know if I explained well enough lol! 

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee

How about this one…this is my fiancé’s second wedding and my first. We are only doing immediate family (parents and sibling families) and a few close friends. My fiance has kept in contact with his ex wife’s family and we are friendly with them. But when we told them we were engaged they immediately started talking about being there and asking questions. They are still under the impression they are coming though neither of us have said otherwise because honestly we just got engaged less than 2 wks ago and have our heads up our asses. So now it’s not just a family member or work person thinking they are coming. This is his ex wife’s aunt and uncle. Are you kidding me?  How do they not see how inappropriate that is?

Post # 8
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Invite the people you invite. Don’t feel like you owe anyone an apology or explanation. If they ask, you just wanted something small and intimate. They will get over it. Just be prepared for people who try to invite themselves or family inviting people on your behalf. 

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