- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I’m not a very good decision-maker. I get all stressed out weighing the pros and cons and trying not to make a wrong decision and stuff, even when the “wrong” decision is at most “least optimal” and has no real consequences…
Well, you can imagine how wedding planning is going – it is nothing but decisions!
I’m also feeling so emotional about everything. And so undeserving in general. Like why should I try to have all this great stuff when I’m just plain old me. I’m crying over the dumbest things all the time.
As we’re getting into finalizing with our venue, we’re finding little things that they didn’t tell us and that aren’t in the brochure – it turns out that if we want a summer wedding on a Saturday then we have to join the club. If it wasn’t summer or if it wasn’t a Saturday we could just be sponsored by a member. Joining is an extra $1000, unspecified in the brochure. For some reason this upset me. It made me feel taken advantage of.
Now, if I think rationally, a lot of places charged more for summers and Saturdays, so this isn’t really different. It’s the usual wedding upcharge stuff that everyone knows goes on. I’m resolved now to joining the club for the year and even think it might be fun to do some of the club events, but I still sort of feel upset when I think about it – embarrassed for being unaware of it, maybe? I don’t know. The lady we’re working with isn’t as nice as the first gal we toured with, so that’s bothering me, too – like maybe she doesn’t think we’re good enough for their club or something. Probably not true, but it’s there in my head…
There are still a million things to go – buffet or plated, what food, colors, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, photographers, officiant… The list is endless. How can I keep from stressing about every decision? How can I make myself feel worthy of nice things and resolve myself about spending money on myself and our families and friends?