(Closed) Planning my wedding 2 months AFTER FILs wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think they are being selfish. Yes they might fight bitterness like you did but they should do it PRIVATELY like you did instead of causing drama! My FI’s cousin got engaged to my roommate eight months after us and are planning their wedding for one month after ours. Did I blow up, no, did I silently brood and feel bitter for a while, yes. BUT after talking with her, (she asked me if I was mad) I told her no, we discussed what we wanted our weddings to be like and it turns out we have completely different views on decoration, colors, theme, and even the amount of formality vs. casualness. It sounds like your wedding will also be very different from your FIL’s. Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with them calmly and hopefully come to the same happy conclusion as me. Each person deserves to have their day and has been waiting for years to marry their love. On your week, weekend, and day YOU will matter and be the star and the same goes for them and their wedding. Hope I’ve helped! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions and good luck! 🙂

Post # 4
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s not like you put your wedding a month BEFORE theirs to steal their thunder.  If anything, your wedding will be scrutinized in the shadow of theirs but that’s your choice.  I think 2 months is plenty of time for people to recoup from theirs and enjoy yours.

Post # 6
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think if your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law are upset that they said these things to you then just drop it. Clearly Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are the nutty ones in the situation and everyone knows it. 

Just don’t discuss it with them any more and maybe have your Fiance step in and say to his brother to shut it. 

Who do they think they are? It’s 2 months later not 2 days later! (and even then, really, it’s none of their business)

Post # 7
16 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think it is wrong at all! I say keep your wedding date! My Fiance brother and his girlfriend decided to move their wedding up before ours and she took ALL of my colors and decor and applied it to her wedding so I am very upset about that! I now have to redo all my plans!!

Post # 9
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I dont think  youre in the wrong at all. But, I may be... I never thought about the wedding before mine, I felt it was my burden as the one having it after. Hmmm... My Fiances cousin was engaged without a date when I met him. I was with my Fiance for a year before he asked and we set a tentative date that night.

After researching venues we had it down to two available dates for the next summer. We picked July for the flowers . Before the news of our date spread we got word that his cousin had set a date for two weeks before us. EEEkkk… My Fiance asked if I wanted to change the date and I said no because I really dont care if people compare our weddings. I never thought the other bride would, since hers was first (Our other option was three weeks before hers)

Two weeks is different than two months though. They are basically asking you to wait another YEAR! That is just CRAZY. You are not in the wrong, I may be, but you are not. 

Post # 10
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Orchid4: You sound really sweet and considerate. I don’t think you shoulud beat yourself up over their reaction anymore. I know sometimes I want to keep having a conversation until I feel that it is resolved for both parties but sometimes I think you just have to let things cool off. 

I’m happy that your Fiance and your Future Mother-In-Law are on your side. For what it’s worth they are being ridiculous. Even if you were having a big wedding they do not own the year or the season! 

Post # 11
14661 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The day after the wedding is over, the wedding thunder is done.  Sorry, they dont get a single day past their wedding to bask in wedding thunder.  (Well, maybe a day, at least until the last Out of Town guest leaves)  If there were a lot of Out of Town, I can see why THEY might night like wedding a month or so apart, but 2 months is more than enough time.

My SIL got engaged 6 months after us, and got married 3 months before us.  Didn’t care.  His family had to travel out of state for both, I think that spacing was fine for them.. (at least no one complained that I heard of)  Its not like anyone that came to my wedding was STILL talking about her wedding months after the fact… it just doesnt happen.  Keep your date, shes being rediculous.

Post # 12
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Orchid4: You did the right thing and did NOT call b/c of some “guilt.” You called b/c you knew they were upset and YOU wanted to be the bigger better person and resolve any hurt feelings. They are obviously acting out of emotional immaturity while you took the high ground, good for you! Thankfully Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law agree with you so they should be the ones to continue the discussions with their son/brother. You did your part. I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this, don’t let their unease upset you and spoil your fun planning! Push their problems aside and enjoy your time 🙂

Post # 13
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

It’s two months later, not two weeks. They need to get over themselves. DH’s family had three cousins(including DH) get married within 10 weeks this summer.

You were very nice to talk to them about it and make sure they were ok with it – and your Future Brother-In-Law ‘steam-rolling’ you on the phone was a d*ck move. From here on out, if they have issue with it, they either talk to your Fiance or you ignore it. You should NOT have to be the one dealing with his family on this – especially if they are going to be children about it.

Good luck and happy planning!

Post # 14
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Darling Husband and I got married about 2 1/2 months after his cousin did. Not one person commented about that. In fact since ours could be considered a shotgun wedding or long overdue depending on your viewpoint, no one thought twice about it. They are two different couples. Maybe because they are cousins and not brothers it is a little different, but in the end… In 10 years no one is going to remember what dates you got married on, just that you got married.

Post # 15
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My brothers got married 6 weeks apart.  Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal. 

Post # 16
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

That is so crazy to me, people take this thunder nonsense way too seriously.

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