(Closed) Planning NOT as fun as anticipated?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally feel this way. We are two months out after being engaged for 20 months and, even though everybody has been fantastic and friendly and supportive and agreeable, I’m just so ready to be married and have the stress of all this little nitpicky stuff over with. It’s just way too easy to lose focus on what’s important when you’re trying to figure out stuff like programs and songs and seating.

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m not having a destination wedding, but I am getting married in a different state than I currently reside.  HUHHHHH….I wish I had eloped.  Even though we sent Save-The-Date Cards out 9 months before the wedding, apparently, no one read them and figured the wedding would be local.  Hello!  It says it on the STD.  So now, all these people who harrassed us for invites are complaining about how much will cost to attend.  I understand the economy is tanking and many people will not be able to make it.  I am OK with that.  So why are they trying to make me feel so bad?  Especially when I blocked rooms at very low price points and arranged transportation so no one would need to rent cars.

My point is: you will never be able to please everyone.  Screw ’em girl.  The wedding could be 3 blocks away and people would still complain about how they are being inconvienced.  Stop losing sleep trying to make the weekend affordable for every single guest and instead plan the wedding you want.

But maybe I am being a bridezilla….

Post # 5
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t think it’s all that fun, overall.  There have been a few fun things (food tastings!) but really, I just want it to be over and done with.  We’ve had a long engagement and I think that’s part of it — it seems like I’ve been "planning" forever and still have forever to go.  But another part of it is that there’s really not that much that has to be done, no matter what the wedding industry tries to tell us, so at this point we’ve made almost all our choices and the only thing left to do right now is either second-guess ourselves, or shelve the planning until the wedding gets closer.  But I would definitely say that wedding planning has not been the highlight of my life thus far!

Post # 6
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Woo hoo!  I hear you on the guilt trips!  We probably would have just gone to some nice island and tied the knot just the two of us, but our parents wanted to be there, and who wants to go on a romantic trip with the folks?  City hall and dinner would have been nice, too, but once again it’s us eating dinner with our parents — I wouldn’t even want to do that on a Friday night let alone on my wedding day….

So, a wedding it was.  We live in NC and our families are in the midwest.  We’re paying for the wedding ourselves and decided to have it closer to where we live — prettier location, easier to plan, and less expensive for us (not everyone will want to make the trip).  We ran it by all the Must Attend guests before we booked everything, and everyone seemed okay with it.  Not a peep out of anyone, and we asked and asked.   But now that we’re getting closer to the day my mom likes to remind me how much it’s going to cost my brothers to come to the wedding, his dad that he doesn’t like to travel, others that we won’t get much for gifts..

I just politely remind people that it’s not necessary to come.  The only person necessary is my FH.  If we wanted everyone there, we would have had the wedding closer to everyone.  Isn’t the point of having a quasi-destination wedding to weed out some of the guests who attend out of familial/social obligation?

Oh, well.  Even when we were looking at having the wedding closer to everyone (in the city that we used to live in), we had people complaining that that would be too far. 

Seriously, do people think there’s a magical location that’s convenient to everyone???

Post # 7
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

This is not fun.  We’re too early in the process for guilt trips, but one set of parents is clearly struggling with the lack of control (and the lack of trust).  We’re paying for everything ourselves and have declined offers knowing that with money comes power.  We are extremely lucky to have a wedding planner who makes everything so much easier for us, but I still bring up eloping every other week (down from every other day). 

 Neither of our parents live where we do, but this is our home, and this is where our memories belong.

Post # 8
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I HATED PLANNING my wedding.  It really really REALLY sucked… (we just got married about a week and a half ago.)  Parents complained or wanted this and that, guests asked questions re: children even though it was clear that they shouldn’t come, things got more expensive than I wanted it to be, dress issues.. bridesmaids issues… etc.. etc.. I’m just glad it’s over… but one piece of advice– regardless of whether things go your way or people complain or they are not happy about things— ENJOY that day– You are getting married to your soul mate— nothing will be perfect…. people will have their opinions.. what matters most is the fact that you’re getting married to the person of your dreams.  Something will probably go wrong because nothing can be perfect BUT don’t let it get to you… (and my hubbie and I joke about how we should have eloped.. HAHAHA.. )  Good luck!!

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know what you mean. I have to always remind myself that it’s my day and I can’t please everyone else all the time!

Post # 10
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

I’m so glad to see someone else feels this way!  I’ve been engaged for one month, and thought I’d take some time to enjoy being engaged – but with pressure from parents, etc. to get planning, not to mention finding out that the original idea I had for our wedding is not so original (and therefore booked up or expensive, depending on how I chose to do it), it has been so stressful that I honestly don’t understand how people do it.

Post # 11
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I couldn’t agree more.  Wedding planning sucks way worse than I ever thought it could.  I feel like I’ve been working two jobs for the last 8 months with all of the extra stuff that has to get done.  It sucks when "close friends and family" turns into 200 people.  It sucks when you find out the pretty chairs cost $9 each to rent (what?!).  It sucks when you find out that for the price of a catered meal, you could be feeding your guests prime rib and lobster at a restaurant.  It sucks when you start to avoid calling your own grandmother for fear she’ll launch into another guilt trip about inviting your distant cousin (who you’ve never even heard of before, let alone met.)  I could go on, but suffice it to say I am totally with you on this one.

Post # 12
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am feeling this way right now… but I hope for all you who post that there alternates good times and bad, or at least it all pays off on your wedding day!

I too feel like a burden to my family, and I try to limit my calls to my mom to 2-3 times a week to discuss wedding stuff. Right now I’m dealing with some similar family guilt trips, "why isn’t so and so invited? If he’s not welcome then I don’t want to come." Time just keeps slipping away and nothing gets done. Like a few of you have mentioned, I thought I was doing something fun and simple and it’s growing out of control.

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