Planning wedding before engagement?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

My dad and I did a bunch together lmao. I kept telling him not to put the cart ahead of the horse since I hadn’t had my proposal yet and my husband might decide he’s had enough of me and leave.  but my dad got sassy and told me since he was paying he wanted an idea of how much he might need to spend. So we just didn’t really book anything until after the proposal.

We definitely went dress shopping and looked to see what kinds of venues might be in my husband’s area and in his family’s area in case we went and brought the wedding to his family. We checked out cake prices and tried to figure out music and colours and if we could afford a sit down dinner or no. We looked at decorations and centre pieces and tried to figure out what we liked. Just little things like that. It made planning afterwards much easier. I still got very overwhelmed though because I still had to book all those things and then reconcile what I wanted with what my husband wanted based on a 5k budget. Turns out he was the groomzilla who wanted the huge wedding xD so he got to work on the things I was having a harder time with to figure out how we could do a version of them while still not going over.

I would always say to a woman to have an IDEA ahead of time of what she wants. Proposal or no proposal. Just be prepared to scale back or scale up depending on what your real life budget ends up being and don’t necessarily be attached to anything you plan alone because the wedding should be about you both πŸ™‚

Post # 17
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I think timing plays a big part.  If you are planning a short engagement and need to start booking venues, then yes, I think doing research and narrowing down the venues and making sure they have your date open is a really good idea. 

I would hesitate to get your hopes too high on anything though because you BF/FI might have his own ideas of what your wedding should be like.

In general terms, I see nothing wrong with compiling ideas. 

Post # 18
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Haha, I was one of those “planning your wedding since age 6” people, so yes, absolutely! When my husband proposed he was shocked that I already had like 5 local venues and several cake bakers and florists picked out… We ended up not getting married locally because SoCal was cheaper than the SF Bay Area, so as long as you don’t get too attached to your first ideas it’s all good!

Post # 19
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We looked at venues, but I didn’t try on dresses.  I was UBER picky about the ring, but everything else was picked out, lol.   I started buying things for the wedding (MOG gifts) right after I picked out the ring, it wasn’t odd at all I just wanted to get what I could out of the way.  Right now we are COASTING because of all the preplanning πŸ™‚

Post # 20
359 posts
Helper bee

I’m an extreme planner, but we haven’t planned anything. I’ll say something that your mom might be concerned about – she might be worried you’re getting your heart set on a specific vision for your wedding when things might not pan out that way. You might have chosen your venue, call them, and find out they’re booked. Your dream dress might not be available in your size. Your mom is probably just a little concerned you’ll have your heart broken if it doesn’t pan out according to what you’ve chosen already. πŸ™‚

Post # 22
1766 posts
Buzzing bee

Yep, My photographer is actually already booked. Which my FH is fully aware of, he had a firm inquiry for the date he had marked for me, and e-mailed me to let me know, so I signed contract and paid the deposit ASAP, I wasn’t risking not having him.

My engagement ring is in the process of being made, my FH thinks engaged is once the ring is on the hand. Proposal is planned for between May – September this year. Wedding will be February 2019. So we’ll be running on a tight time line. 

My wedding dress deposit is done as well, as I’m working with a local designer with limited availability. 

Everything else is planned and we’ve talked about a lot of it. My budget is done and I have a loose day of time line.

Post # 23
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We decided our budget and booked our venue before we were “officially engaged” – really just because we were afraid to miss out on the venue, and the ring took longer to make than we expected. We booked our venue in September of 2016 for our Sept 2017 wedding, and he proposed right before Thanksgiving. Which was great because I was able to book dress appointments ahead of time and go try on dresses with my mom and my sister over the holiday weekend. We also got a few leads on a caterer that trip. When I got back to work after the break my colleagues were stunned because not only had I gotten engaged since I last saw them, I also had my date, venue, and wedding dress!

Post # 24
212 posts
Helper bee

Yep, we’ve been planning this in one form or another ever since we met, and before he proposed we already had the wedding vaguely planned out, and I had found a dress I loved. Still not set a date or bought anything, but saving up and planning until then. The plans have evolved and changed a lot since the beginning, but we’re still pretty set on a tiny event.

I never dreamt of my wedding day as a kid, but our wedding started taking shape from the day we met.

Post # 25
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I was too busy picking out a ring! Haha. But no, we didn’t start any serious planning until maybe a month or two after we were engaged. However, we knew we were having a long engagement since we had already picked the date, so that might have been different if we were planning to get married a year or less out.

Post # 26
772 posts
Busy bee

I personally feel like if you’re planning extensive before you’re engaged one of two things is happening:

1.) You are engaged lol. An engaged couple is a couple who plans to be wed – and if you’re going on venue tours and putting down deposits, you’re engaged – you may be choosing to wait until you have a ring or whatever to announce it, but it doesn’t make you any less engaged. If you’re sitting there like, “we really wanted to have a spring 2018 wedding so we had to get started early before he proposed” then you were engaged the moment you decided “we are having a spring 2018 wedding”

2.) You are putting the cart before the horse, and robbing yourself of a really special time to work WITH your fiance to plan something that is meaningful and important to BOTH of you. It’s both of your weddings, and if you have it planned out before he enters the picture, I don’t think it’s fair to him or yourself. 

Post # 27
8 posts

Ha ha well you might laugh at me but my boyfriend and i had a serious talk in january of this year about how we both think we are ready to get married and then we went and picked out rings. We have told both of our families and some of our friends too but dont consider ourselves engaged. In the meantime i was volunteering at a dress event for charity and found an amazing dress for 30 dollars and a veil for 15. I bought them both. This weekend i bought shoes at target for 11 and his mom and i have been working on making a detachable chapel lenght veil attachment for the last month. Its almost done! I also just bought earrings today for about 20 dollars. My boyfriend thinks its funny how much i have aquired for basically nothing and that im so excited but honestly we barely talk about wedding stuff. I feel like i need to give him that space till he is ready. Also, as crazy as it sounds i want the proposal to be a suprise. I actually love this time because it is so nice to have time to find exactally what i want and its so low stress. Also i will feel all ahead once we actually get engaged and since no one knows they dont bug me about it right now. My rule for myself is that i am aquiring stuff that he wouldnt have a say in right now but would never make decisions about the venue or decorations without his input. Also i dont want to start planning that part till we are engaged. 

Post # 28
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I looked at pinterest before getting engaged but i’m not really a fan of planning a wedding when there is no engagement.  To me the wedding is about both halves of the couple so I think it’s a bit weird when the bride has everything planned out for “her” day, almost regardless of who the groom is.

Post # 29
26 posts
  • Wedding: December 2018 - Bellagio, Las Vegas

Before I was engaged we had discussed getting married. He wants to get married in Las Vegas (we are from the UK). I went there for my friend’s bachelorette and fell in love with the Bellagio. I think he was thinking a chapel. We had an idea of the date in the year, but not which year. 

I had started pinning ideas, I know what style of dress I want and the theme/look I am hoping to have. Face, hair, nails etc. I showed my mum some venue photos and she also said “you’re not even engaged yet”. 

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