(Closed) Planning with fiancé is frustrating

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@moosey:  Go online to like marthastewartweddings or something and print out a recommended timelne for him.  Most men don’t argue when they have the facts in front of them.  He probably just doesn’t know any better.

Post # 5
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh boy, this sounds frustrating. I’ve been booking vendorss for months (I’m getting married a week after you) and a lot of them are telling me September 2012 is booked up, or at least close. I’m not trying to panic you, I’m just telling you based on my experience.

Post # 6
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly….my opinion would be to involve him less. If he is stressing you out that much then jsut remove the stress. When it is time to make a decision then you involve him. Here are three photographers…pick one. That kind of thing. It might be easier on both of you that way.

Post # 7
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If I were you- I would just start doing the projects you want to do. There is no need to stress yourself out. If they get done before the designated “due date” then so be it. They sit in a room until it is time to mail them.

Post # 8
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

🙁 I feel you hun – maybe its just men in general dont understand the concept of wedding planning, they think everything just falls into place probably the month before the wedding. My fiance thinks im planning way to soon too.. Im not looking into venues, or menus or any of that stuff.. all im doing is.. SETTING A PROPER DATE. and he thinks its way to soon to even think about it. Its frustrating. but just keep doing what your doing.. Women and men are diff, you can try to involve him maybe a little after you put things together, like when choosing a venue, or when you need help with the menu, definetly dont ” NOT ” interfere h im if that makes sense, he needs to be a part of this because we dont him getting used to the idea that you will handle everything and it just becomes a habit down the road. You can either talk to him about it now and tell him tht its both your wedding and he needs t be a part of it and have him understand what needs to be done and why your setting things up now, Or you can go ahead and keep doing what yoru doing, but do involve him in big important descisions and kind of find a special way to get his opinion. like a clever way of asking what centerpeice hed find better- Or whatever.

 

Post # 9
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@moosey: definately frustrationing i get married two months after you, i have the venue, photographer, caterer, church and a few other things booked. 

i wouldn’t leave your invites that late, as you can’t predict the future, so leaving them that close to when they need to go out is asking for trouble.

i would carry on with the planning, tell him you looking around for a photographer but not intending to book, just via the internet maybe, some photographers have avaliabiliy calanders on their site, would be a good o show him how fast they book up.

Post # 11
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@moosey: i agree everyone thinks it all happens by magic, noone really sees the frantic bride in the background doing all the hard work. 

Post # 12
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Btw my dad is the same way. He was supposed to give me a certain amont of money to help me prepaer for the wedding, Im pretty sure hes gonna wait till like the month before the wedding to do so, Its so annoying cu when ever I ask for it, hes like..” ITS STILL TOO EARLY i dont know why your rushing..”

 

I kno why im rushing, but sheeshh hahaha its so hard to get people to take wht you wnt to take seriously, seriously. haha.

 

Post # 14
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just want to say that finding this thread was a little eerie. As you can see, we’re date twins, and I could have written your original post and first reply almost word-for-word. I’ve been going in circles trying to convince my fiance that yes, we actually do need to do things beforehand, that yes, things book up, that it doesn’t matter if we’re doing something casual, because NOT EVERYONE HAVING A WEDDING IS AS FREAKIN’ RELAXED AS HE IS. Sorry, got caps-y there.

And oh my god, about people not understanding that work has to be put in for things to “just fall into place”, I can’t even tell you how much that bugs me.

Anyway, I can’t say I have answers, but if you ever need a sympathetic ear, shoot me a PM. I’m not trying to be pushy or weird here, I just feel really strongly like we’re in the same boat here.

Post # 15
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmmm…  well he’s given you a clue to why he is so resistant. Budget.

I would honestly sit down and discuss that 1st.  The timeline “checklist” that we’re following has that as the #1 thing to do.

Even if you want it to cost as little as possible: find out the average + bare minimum for each of the things you need.

Try this: http://www.creditsesame.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/111504-CS-WEDDINGKNOT-1.png . I printed it off for our wedding portfolio. We take pride in knowing we can do better on most items; but that we’re average on others.

________

I’ve also learned from my FH that he doesn’t like being “ambushed” by wedding talk.  All he wanted was that we schedule a time to sit down and go over our plans and my research, or see vendors. We’ve been sticking to this and he’s really involved and interested, and has great ideas.

Post # 16
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

PS –  I just realized I recognise you from the Sept 2012 boards, we talked about “pre-versaries”.  It must be something about the 1-year-away point for our FHs and ourselves as brides.

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