(Closed) Planning w/o Mom (and Dad) – Need a hug.

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I felt the same way.  My mom passed away before my senior year in high school and it was so difficult planning and getting married without her.

Post # 4
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know how you feel. I don’t expect my family to help out with planning, but that option would be nice. My mom is deceased and I haven’t seen or talked to my father in years. I don’t have the happy-butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling about planning a wedding when I think about it that way, but when I think about being with my fiance for years and years, it puts things in perspective for me.

 

Post # 5
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My parents are the same. We even offered to pay airfare and they aren’t coming. It doesn’t get any easier, unfortunately, but you just have to try to accept that it’s not your fault, and it’s a decision they have to live with, missing their daughters wedding. Try to lean on your Future Mother-In-Law, mine has been a huge blessing πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m in the same boat. My dad passed away in 2007, and my mom and I havr never been close.

The only thing that has gotten me through this is how suportive my fiance has been. I look at him as the new man in my life to support me and take care of me. That is why I want him to walk with me down the aisle.

Your fiance will do the same for you. just be honest about how you are feeling when you get down so he doesn’t think it has to do with him.

It will be ok. *hugs*

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Double Post

Post # 10
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Both my parents and my grandparents passed away before I was engaged. I am an only child, and I have never had any connection with any relatives on my Dad’s side. My mum came from a very small family as it is and then she fell out with her sister and brother just after my grandparents died and just before she did. As a result I essentially no longer have any family (not a single relative at my wedding lol). So I can understand how lonely and challenging wedding planning may be for you.

My advice is to get yourself a DOC ‘Day of Coordinator’ so at least on the day they can do what a Mum or relative might do, ie organise people, make sure everything runs smoothly and that you are not bothered with stressfull details, ie my cake arived at the venue unassembled (cup cake tower) I dont know what I would have done without my DOC. 

I cant say my friends really helped at all, but my husband was amazing in the planning and so were his parents, I hope yours are to.

Good Luck (((((Hugs))))))

Post # 12
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am so feeling the same way.  My mother passed away a year ago now and every moment that I imagined being so fun to plan is just miserable.  I wonder what she would say, what she would like or dislike.  Little things that I know everyone spends money on like a veil and alterations, my mother would have done and they would have been her special little touch.  So it is extra bitter spending money on some things that would have been so special coming from her.  My father is not a big talker and well I love him but he is basically just a guest at the wedding, so it is all me and my fiance. My fiance has been great but is currently cramming for the bar exam, so I am feeling extra lonely. . .

 

I am having a huge bridal party in an attempt to have some help and support.  It has been nice having them there for me.  I know am lucky to have so many close friends to ask!  I’m sorry I don’t have much advice but I do understand how you feel.  It is about you and your future hubby, so try to just enjoy the moments of planning you can with him and maybe some of your closest friends if you can.  Good luck and hang in there!

Post # 13
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Smyrna: * HUGS * My dad passed away when I was 13 and my mom is 2,000 miles away in Ohio. I have Future Mother-In-Law, so it’s forcing some quality bonding but you can’t replace having your own parents there on this journey.

Welcome to the Hive, you’ll find lots of support and help here. I know the Bees have totally helped me through some lonely times along the way πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can relate. My parents both passed away several years ago, and the rest of my family lives several hundred miles away. I am very lucky that my Fiance is one in a million, and his mom and my FSIL’s are so great. They are definately picking up the slack and filling up the “family” space. One thing that I might suggest is that you hire a wedding planner to help you with all the details, and so that you don’t get to feeling overwhelmed through this whole thing.

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