Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor lives out of state and I’m not having any BMs. Don’t have too mamy close friends that I think would throw an engagement party for me, especially if they are not party of my bridal party, since I’m not having one. SO can’t keep a secret and he’s proposing on sunday. lol. He makes it so obvious, he’s just too excited. Anyway, we want to have a small get together on dec 15 at the rooftop lounge on top of a hotel in venice beach. Our first date! We are moving away in janurary, so I would like for our families and friends to meet before our wedding. I feel a little sad that I have to plan my own engagement, but it needs to be done. Does anyone do this? It makes me a little depress to think that I’m planning my own engagement instead of being a surprise or my friends setting it up, but I’m excited to get eveyone together.
Post # 3
I’d plan that as a going-away party rather than an engagement party. There’s just something a little off-putting about planning one’s own engagement party. But if you plan it as a going-away party, chances are many people will still celebrate your engagement.
FWIW lots of people don’t have engagement parties so don’t be depressed that no one is planning one for you. That particular tradition seems to be falling out of the norm these days, probably due to the larger number of couples who pay for their own weddings, marry at slightly older ages, and are established couples/households prior to marriage. It’s just not as big a deal when you’re not 19 and still living with your parents.
Post # 4
@fishbone: That’s a good idea. I think I’ll just keep it as a going away party. A lot my family, including my dad, doesn’t know yet. Thanks!
Post # 5
The only place I ever heard of engagment parties before WB was on tv. Call it a going away party, or Christmas party.
Post # 6
I went to an engagement party that was planned by the bride. No biggie…I certainly didn’t notice or anything. At least you can make sure it’s exactly how you want it to be.
Post # 7
It would be nice if someone threw us one; but no one is. Ehh whatev.
Since you are moving, just make it a going away party! Sounds great though!
Post # 8
We planned our own. Everyone had a blast. No weirdness at all. Don’t think the issue of who was hosting ever came up…so anyone could have been hosting For all anyone knew. FI parents gave a toast and helped us cook all the food and setup…so I’d even give them credit for hosting.
Post # 9
We’re hosting our own this weekend. Our families have never met, live 3hrs from each other and neither side can afford to throw us a party. We decided to invite everyone to our house the Sat after thanksgiving to meet each other so it wasn’t awkward when wedding events started. Originally it was just a small casual meeting for immediate family members and we werent calling it an engagement party. Now we are having about 35 people to our house and people are calling it an engagement party.
I know how you feel, I was fine hosting 20 or so on my own, but now that we are up to so many guests I wish someone offered to help with the cooking cleaning decorating etc. my fiancé has to travel for work and won’t be home until early Sat morning, so it is all on me! I’m excited for our families to meet, but I feel awkward hosting an even celebrating us! I hope no one feels the need to bring a gift.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s weird at all, actually everyone I’ve known to have an engagement party had it themselves. Just friends and family over to say, hey this is great let’s drink and have a good time. And the fact that you are moving away is even more of a reason to have it and plan it. No one is going to ask “OMG….did you plan your OWN engagement party??? What a weirdo!” They’re going to say “Congrats, thanks for the invite!”
Post # 11
@echolove: I thought families usually hosted those. Idk I dont think you should feel bad.
Post # 12
I am hosting my own with the help of my Maid/Matron of Honor and my mom. Its in my home town. I don’t think the usual “traditions” really stand anymore in this day and time. I agree to just maybe call it going away/engagment. Since only a few on my side have met him, I am calling it “Meet & Greet/Engagment.
Good luck and Happy wedding planning! 🙂
Post # 13
Fiance and I hosted and paid for our own party, no one knew or cared.
Post # 14
I don’t think it matters who plans it really; although, traditionally, I think it is usually something that parents put on, no? I have never seen friends or Bridesmaid or Best Man put on an engagement party for a couple. I think plan it yourself for sure! This is your time to celebrate, so you do it how and when you want!
Post # 15
Traditionally, the Bride’s Family typically have hosted the Engagement Party… a chance for them to shine… and the first act as what would become a year where Mom & Dad would be hosting a variety of events… also it was a “nod” to the Groom To Be… saying essentially “Here is the wonderful our Joanie is marrying… we so want you all to meet him”. Infact at many an E-Party, the actual Announcement of the Engagement would be a surprise to the Guests.
But overall, the E-Party traditionally was also a chance to introduce the couple around to the Relatives, Old Family Friends… the guys her Dad played Golf with every Friday… the Couples who came over for Bridge once a week… etc. Of course there were also some of the couple’s friends included as well…
It was often held at the Bride’s Parent’s Family Home, Club, or a fancy restaurant.
From an Etiquette perspective it is poor form to host one’s own E-Party… as it essentially is saying “Woohoo LOOK AT ME… I am engaged” (in the same way that it is also inappropriate to host one’s own Birthday Party or Shower… YOU are the Guest of Honour… and the Honoured don’t applaud their own accomplishments)
fishbone: is right, the way to handle this is to find another excuse for a Party… Christmas, New Years, Drinks for Friends on the Rooftop BEFORE We Leave Town… are all appropriate.
Of course, most folks are gonna “get it” and quickly refer to it as your E-Party… the important factor tho is THAT YOU DON’T
Hope this helps,
PS… And of course if it does turn into an E-Party with “some” Guests bringing Gifts etc. Don’t embarass others… don’t open the Gifts in front of everyone (unless EVERY Person brought one). Save the Gift Opening for private… and do make sure to send out your Thank You Notes quickly afterwards.
Post # 16
I’ve never heard of anyone having an engagement party thrown for them, honestly. All my friends planned their own and it’s certainly not the MOH’s duties – that’s bridal shower, bachelorette party, not engagement party. Sometimes the parents do it or family members help out, but I don’t think you should expect your friends to do it or be sad/disappointed because they won’t. I agree with other people – say it is a going away/engagement party and plan it yourself.