(Closed) Planning my own engagement party…:-(

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@This Time Round:  The problem with this is that the reasoning behind the “rules” are completely irrelevant…they make no sense in modern times.  How many people have parents with golfing buddies…bridge? Stupid.  Times have changed…the rules need to catch up. 

WASTE OF LIFE to not celebrate your engagement or any occasion you think is worth celebrating with your loved ones.  Those rules are poopoo!

Post # 18
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @icetea:  Read my post again. 

As other Bees made inquiries about E-Parties… many saying they’d never heard of them.  I gave a HISTORICAL account of where the custom / tradition came from (it is not a point of Etiquette).

Cannot believe how many times folks get Traditions & Customs confused with Etiquette… they are not the same thing.

No wonder sooo many people are confused by Etiquette… they don’t understand WHAT it is.

What it is… is HOW TO ACT appropriately in a given situation… so that life is easier in the long run, and one runs into fewer embarassing / intimidating situatons… has less conflicts with people etc.

The point of Etiquette lies in the fact that it is NEVER appropriate to host a Party in Honour of oneself… just like you don’t toast yourself, applaud your own accomplishments (like at an Awards Presentation) etc

In truth, one can do as they please… but if they do follow the standard Rules of Etiquette… then there are less chances that things will go off the rails be it with Family Members, Friends or Work Colleagues

 

Post # 19
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@This Time Round:  No thanks.  Read it once.  And disagree completely.  I think it’s a waste of time and the tradition, custom and etiquette of it all is STUPID.  I think it’s elitist, racist and biased toward heteronormative culture.    🙂

To me the tradition and the etiquette you mentioned means only rich, white people with both a mother and father who want to “show off” and who attend country clubs and can afford to host an engagement party at said country club or fancy restaurant should be allowed…that leaves a lot of us out of the picture!

Post # 20
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My parents “host” all my parties (brithday, graduation etc.) but I have always planned and paid for the majority myself. They’re in control of the party, accept RSVP’s (and forward them to me), welcome people, manage the toasts etc., and people recognise them as the hosts but they don’t have the stress of planning or the cost. Same is going to happen for my e-party, my shower, and hen’s (as I don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor anyway). Hosting, planning and paying for can all be done by seperate people, no one attending is going to know. 

Post # 21
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO icetea:  you missed the whole point…

As I said, the scenario I wrote about was purely HISTORICAL not modern day…

Truly if someone / anyone… wants to have an E-Party they can (and I covered that off as well in my previous post)…

— — —

As an aside,

I notice whenever there is a discussion on Customs / Traditions or Etiquette, you LOVE to jump on the bandwagon on what is wrong with such things… thereby having no room to further discuss other possibilities (talk about being closed minded)

You ONLY see what you want to see in any given situation…

But life doesn’t really WORK that way.

In the long run knowing about other things and HOW they work or WHY they work is also important.

Don’t have to like them or embrace them… but you should be aware that they do matter to other people (and that is called MANNERS & RESPECT… also an important part of Etiquette)

When someone on WBee asks a Question about things that are Etiquette related, I give them the facts.  It is up to them whether they follow that info or not… yourself included.

 

Post # 22
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@echolove:  I planned my own engagement party because my sister was too lazy to do it. I was sooo sad like you at first but I saw it as a pre-game to me planning my weddding and boy did I learn alot. Congrats on the upcoming engagement!!!!!!! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We hosted our own, we knew we were having a long engagement and it was a good chance for the rest of our families to meet. No biggie. My parents probably would have hosted it if they’d been in the financial position to do so.

Post # 24
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@This Time Round:  How did this turn into a post about me?  Kinda creepy that you’re following me around on this site just fyi.

Not agreeing is not a bad thing.  It is also a part of life. And another FYI this is posted in the parties section not etiquette.

Post # 25
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@icetea:  More word twisting… and drama on your part.  I’m done.

 

Post # 26
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I planned my own, with some help from mum. Who cares? It’s not like anyone has to know and the party is an opportunity for your families to meet. I honestly don’t get why planning/hosting your own is such a big deal. Ours is on Saturday and i’m super excited! I don’t know of anyone who HASN’T planned their own.

Post # 27
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@icetea:  I am the polar opposite of “elitist, racist and biased toward heteronormative culture“. I was raised by my lesbian mom and super-butch step-mom who is now step dad (and no longer with mom) in serious economic disadvantage. If you’d asked me at at 12 what my favorite kind of cheese was, I would have said “welfare cheese.” I am white though, and anything I say to try to counteract “racist” (“I have lots of black friends!”) would just sound ignorant, so I have to hope you believe me when I say I celebrate all types of diversity and stand up against racism whenever I can.

… Having said that, This Time Around is right about that history and the reasoning behind throwing engagement parties. It WAS to introduce everyone to all of these people who would now be part of their extended family or extended circle of friends. And people usually brought gifts to say “welcome, we like you and accept you, here’s some junk so you’ll like us too.” 

You are right that most people’s parents don’t belong to country clubs or bridge clubs, and nobody needs to meet their fiancee’s mom’s “senior partners at the firm”. That’s true. But it’s still very questionable for the same person (or couple) to be both “host” AND “guest of honor” at a party, especially when people are likely to bring gifts. Of course you can throw yourself a party and invite your own friends (or mom’s boss if you really want) but calling it an engagement party will be seen by some as attention-seeking and gift-grabby. Since we all know that is NOT what this poster or other couples intend, it is good helpful advice to suggest they frame it as a holiday party, or going away party, or start/end of spring/summer/winter/fall, or pretty much anything else that doesn’t scream “celebrate us and presents would be nice.”  That’s all.

Post # 28
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Daisy_Mae:  Well see that’s where we disagree.  I do not agree with the notion that people will see it as gift grabby or attention seeking.  We hosted ours and it was very well receieved.  We attend many self-hosted birthday parties and NEVER once thought it was attention seeking or gift grabby.

Times have changed.

 

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