(Closed) Planning your wedding around another bridesmaid’s?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s tricky, isnt it?  I realized before we were even engaged that we may run into a problem with one of my closest friend’s/bridesmaid’s date. 

We both want to get married outside, in the same city, at the end of summer.  Our guest lists are very similar, and our bridal party is nearly identical.  She’s got a huge budget compared to mine, and is also having a wedding overseas shortly after her American wedding.  Also, she lives across the country and will have to fly home numerous times for her planning, her bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.

I didn’t want to compete nor did I want her to have to fly home extra times that same time of year or make time for everything I’d want her full attention at (my bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding!)… so we moved our wedding up a YEAR.  Sounds crazy, but that’s how much I wanted to avoid a situation like yours

Honestly, though, i’ve had plenty of friends who have had weddings near each others, and i think the key is to focus on how your day will be special and unique and not worry about comparisons.  Five weeks after your wedding, you’ll likely be much more relaxed, post-honeymoon, and able to just enjoy your new sister-in-law’s day without having to worry about how your day will turn out.  Do your own thing during planning, and only talk to her and discuss plans as much as you’re comfortable with.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

One of my BMs and besties is getting married the weekend Fiance and I had originally planned on. We hadn’t officially announced our engagement to anyone but my parents because we were getting my e-ring made so we were waiting but in the meantime my friend got engaged and picked that date (in October). Yeah, I was upset, but I sucked it up and didn’t say anything and just moved my wedding up two months to August. We have a lot of the same Out of Town friends so I wanted to give everyone a bigger buffer between dates. I’m totally over it now.

Post # 5
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I got engaged in October and got a jump on reception site shopping. My Fiance and I are very much “fall” people and would have loved an outdoor autumn ceremony. We chose a venue, and put down our deposit.  Fast forward a couple weeks and my cousin gets engaged (which is good) and announce that they are getting married on the same date I already reserved! My whole family knew about my date, and no one said anything to them. I felt like I would come off rude if I did. My Fiance and I decided to speak to our venue and move our date. Now we are getting married at the end of November, with no chance of an outdoor ceremony. 🙁  

 

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s annoying but somebody has to do it. Who had their date booked first? If your Future Sister-In-Law did, then you should move yours, IMO. if you booked yours first and she booked hers two weeks after yours without checking with your Fiance and your Fi’s family about crossing-over family situations, then that was just rude of her and you are taking the high ground.

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I got engaged prior to my best friend, and my roommate. I set my date in September, and they both got engaged around the same time. My best friend set her date for 2 weeks before mine and my roommate set hers for 3 weeks after. I was in both weddings, and it was so much fun!

The way I think about it, you only really get one day. It was a lot of fun planning with both my best friend and my roommate…and my best friend and I even had our bachelorette parties together. It was definitely a lot of planning and trying to make sure our weddings weren’t exactly the same, but you shouldn’t think of it as something to resent someone for. Think of it as a chance to go through the experience together!

Post # 9
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend has been engaged for about two years and set her date for August 2010. My Fiance and I wanted to get married early fall but out of respect to her we moved it back November. I want to enjoy her wedding and I want her to enjoy mine and if they were that close I don’t think either of us would. Sometimes people can’t help the date but at least be respectful!

Post # 10
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

i’m not planning my wedding around my bridesmaids wedding, but her “surprise” shower. her moh wrote to all of us bridesmaids in my friend’s wedding and said she would like to have the shower one of two days in august. i asked her to hold off because i knew i was going to get engaged in late november and those two weekends were the only weekends that would work for our wedding (who the heck plans a shower 10 months in advance anyway?). well she went ahead and planned the shower for the one day that i particularly wanted. i couldn’t even say anything to my friend because it was supposed to be a surprise. 

we picked another weekend to have the wedding instead, but i am really annoyed with this girl because she didn’t even write me back saying, oh ok, i’ll hold off or oh well does another weekend work for you? i thought it was so incredibly rude that she just went ahead and planned a shower 10 months ahead of time when i asked her to hold off for a few weeks before booking.

Post # 11
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

One of my good friends has been with the same guy for 6 years and planning to get married the week after she finishes med school for like 5 years, so she had the middle of May 2010 reserved forever even though she wasn’t officially engaged until last spring.  And thanks my venue having heat but no AC, my mom’s April vacation plans and my sister’s school finals, my outdoor wedding that I always dreamed of is going to have to be in March and probably inside because of the unusally cold winter we are having.  Mid-May would have been perfect, but c’est la vie!

She’s also having like a zillion showers and turning 30 this month and planning my showers around her parties has been a bit of a b*(&h.  I just had to go ahead and plan my shower and bachelorette party for the same day as her birthday party.  She lives 3 hours away and we have mostly separate friends though.  I feel terrible about it, but not having a shower at all because of her birthday party was just too depressing.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah that just sounds crappy then =(. If everyone knew your date, then the only reason to do that is just plain meanness. I think she and her Fi should’ve talked about it with the families involved. AFter all, they all knew of your dates. Barring any major reasons (graduation from grad school, stuff like that), just picking somethign 2 weeks later is presumptuous. It’s not always a big deal, but depending on the families involved, it could just be unnecessarily stressful. From what you say, her nature just sounds not cool tho =(

 

Post # 13
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

One of my bridesmaids picked my dating anniversary date for her wedding, which I wanted, then took my color choices too. I couldn’t avoid telling her things because obviously she is in the wedding. Then I lost the date I wanted at our cosen venue because we were two days late to visit, only to find out I could have put a tentative hold on it without deposit. Then I had to book a date that made the sportsmen in my family upset, two weeks after my cousin’s wedding.

Post # 14
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve been right there with you too… sounds pretty common! 

Future Brother-In-Law got engaged in November 2008, he just started new job, she was just starting university, said they were going for a July 2011 wedding.  We then got engaged at Christmas 2008, sat with them to talk about it, they reiterated that they wanted july 2011, and were okay with us doing 2010.  Said to go ahead, book our stuff as they wouldn’t be thinking about it for a year.

Fast forward 2 months, we let FI’s family know what we had booked, they were all really excited… then Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law come forward and say they decided on July 2010 and booked the same photographer, the same florist, the same dressmaker and the SAME FRIKKIN RECEPTION hall!!  GRR  I was sooo upset, because we had booked this hall because it was formerly a restaurant owned by my grandparents who have now passed away. (and we live in a big city, so it wasn’t because this was all that was available!)  Everyone told me to forget about it, not to worry, but I’m still really stressed about how it now looks like we are copying them… since ours is 3 months after theirs.  We changed everything else, to not have identical weddings, but the reception hall was too special to me to change, so we kept it there.  We will see how it goes after their wedding in July…

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