(Closed) Playboy Vent

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

 

Totally get what you’re saying. I’m usually a very laid back, chill person, lots of guy friends, etc but I have zero tolerance for porn of Any kind. I consider it cheating–sexual gratification from another person.

I don’t buy the whole ‘it’s a guy thing’ either, I guess I just have really high standards and expect my fiance to be a better man. It’s completely disrespectful to your partner.

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Pornography of any kind is a deal breaker for me- EVEN PLAYBOY! My father was addicted to porn, so it just creeps me out! I have actually dumped guys over this!

Is there any way he can keep his “collectibles” somewhere where you would feel less threatened? Like instead of keeping them in the closet or whatever, he puts them in the attic or storage with other bachelor stuff?

Seriously, explain to him that it makes you feel uncomfortable about your body. You also need some self confidence, girl! Guys are told that this is not only acceptable behavior, but that it’s expected of them. So ofcourse they do it! Just realize he LOVES you, he wants to marry you! You must have something those bunnies don’t!

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I personally think it’s a fair compromise that they are away in the garage.  I mean unless he lives in the garage he’s not even around them generally.  I used to be a lot more uptight about this kind of stuff, but I feel that both my husband and I are adults and we have discussed our limits and are both comfortable with what we have established as being okay.  

This is really a situation where you have to reach a compromise that both of you are okay with.  It sounds like he has compromised by unsubscribing to the magazines and throwing away all but a few and storing them in the garage.  

Post # 6
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@stbMohror: Just because he got rid of physical magazines doesn’t mean he can’t just as easily – and for free – access the equivilant on the internet. Just food for thought. Have you had that conversation with him?

Post # 7
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have kinda a double standard with my hubby. While I feel insecure and don’t like him looking at stuff that is really hardcore, Playboy really doesn’t bother me so much. But then again I really don’t have a leg to stand on because I have the Playboy Bunny tattooed on my hip….

Post # 8
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I personally don’t think Playboy is that big of a deal… also, some vintage Playboys can be worth quite a bit of money so someday you might be glad he heald on to those.

Post # 9
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I dont agree. I think playboy is fine. My fiance donsn’t pay to much attention to playboy he prob has only one or two magazines. I actually think playboy is one of the more tastfull men’s magazines and I myself have read several of the articals. They actually are pretty good and instering. I know my body is not as perfect as the girls that pose in them but i’m fine with that and happy with my body. Thats just me. If you really feel weird about it than I would make sure your fiance knows. I’m sure if he knew you felt so strong about the issue he would choose keeping you happy over some magazines.

Post # 10
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I personally don’t see pornography as that big of deal.  I think it just depends on how it plays into the relationship.  If someone has a problem and it is taking energy away from their main relationship and causing problems in their life, then that’s not okay.  If they look at pornography occasionally (or even regularly) as a part of a balanced life I don’t see that it does any harm. 

Post # 11
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree @tnason, it really does depend on the couple and the balance. Due to my father, I obviously have a bad perception of porn. My Fiance and I have decided that to us, porn is cheating, so we don’t look at it. I have seen it ruin my family, so I’m not ok with it, but my father was not a healthy person.

Healthy people can probably use porn to even benefit their marriage, but for people with previous bad experiences with porn, even Playboy is a huge deal. I’m not sure about @stb’s past, but that’s where I’m coming from.

Post # 12
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

One of FI’s friends sends him text message forwards with those sorts of pictures, and it bugs me.

Post # 13
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It would definitely bother me if Fiance kept porn in the house–whether that be videos, magazines, whatever. I know he looks at it online, and that’s fine with me. BUT I don’t want it in the house where I could come across it!

I think it’s funny that he’s keeping the ones from the 70s…I feel like the women probably look so outdated, with frosted makeup and fringed hair!

Post # 14
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@mrsv2be:  I totally understand that perspective.  I have similar issues with alcohol.  While my parents steered clear of problems with alcohol, the alcoholism (all recovered presently) rate in my mom’s side of the family sits at about 50% of people who drink at all.  As a consequence, I have chosen not to drink (because I don’t like my odds for being able to maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol) and am really uncomfortable around people who are drunk. 

My Fiance and I had to do some serious negotiating around alcohol because he loves beer (which is fine) and lived in a frat house when we started dating and binge drinking was a regular part of his social life (not okay with me but really normal where we live).  We’ve settled at something that works for us where he can have a drink or two routinely and it doesn’t bother me and I turn a blind eye to the two or three times a year he goes out with his frat buddies and gets sloshed.  It works for both of us. 

Point is, I totally get what you are saying about understanding that something may be fine for other people, but just isn’t something you can personally live with and I am really glad that you and your Fiance have sorted out something that works for you.

Post # 15
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

As someone who’s husband subscribes to Playboy, I will say the articles really are good. I think I spend more time reading Playboy than my Real Simple. 

But it’s all about what each of you are comfortable with. 

Post # 16
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I also dont think porn is that bad, in moderation. There is a point where you are addicted and it is really destructive. Sexual addiction is never okay. BUT, I dont see a problem with a little “recreational” use. We’ve watched it together, we’ve watched it separately… meh. It’s not a huge issue to me.

The way I see it, those ladies are pros. They arent the girl next door, or a co-worker, or someone that he can realistically go have sex with. Now, if I caught him with pictures of someone we knew or something like that… then I’d be pissed. That would seem like cheating to me.

It’s a really personal issue and I respect your right to be offended by this. I am not trying to tell you that you are crazy or anything, just sharing my personal view.

The topic ‘Playboy Vent’ is closed to new replies.

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