(Closed) Playing Referee Between My FI and My Brother…Long

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Silver Plum Fairy:  No experience but heres the thing, when you marry someone they are your family. Right or wrong you stand by them. If your brother is being a douche and it sounds like he is, then you need to defend your Fiance.

Fiance only wants to spend time with his cousin. It would have been a great bonding experience but it sounds like your brother is hijacking your FI’s cousin. I can understand why he made your brother his Bridesmaid or Best Man, because he was trying to extend an olive branch. You did mention that your brother has pissed off your Fiance on many occassions. So maybe your Fiance was extending a courtesy and hoping it would heal the breach and now your brother is being a jerk.

I would be really upset for your Fiance. He seems like he is trying to be a good guy and your brother is treating him like crap. By not standing up to your brother your allowing him to establish a pattern that its okay to play childish games with your Fiance. You state that you hold your FI’s opinion in the highest esteem but then you get mad at him when he wants to cut your brother out of his life. Its his right too. If your FI’s sister was treating you like crap, would you expect him to stand up for you and your feelings or take his sisters side?

Post # 5
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Silver Plum Fairy:  I wasnt trying to be harsh, I was trying to see if from another prospective. Your brother sounds immature at best. Your Fiance sounds like a really really patient guy who has gone out of his way to be nice to your brother even when your brother is being an ass. I dont have a brother like this. I have a sister like this, and I can tell you if she treated my Fiance this way I would rip her a new one.

I know you cant pick your family and it would be nice to have a family that respected each person individually but that doesnt always happen. However as much as I love my sister, my Fiance is my priority as are our children. If something threatened that relationship I would fight to defend it.

My sister disrespected my Fiance one time. It was one time to many. I told her in no uncertain terms that she would apologize, she would control her tongue, and if she didnt like it she could lose our phone numbers and addresses. She has since regained control of herself and is polite, because it isnt us suffering, its her suffering from lack of family.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I actually think your Fi is being melodramatic and a bit childish so is your brother. I think the only thing that makes it weird is that they were friends before so it’s makes it hard to draw boundaries.

Anyhow it is a minor situation and your Fi sounds like a two year old throwing a tantrum which most be annoying and put you in awkward position. Hopefully emotions were just high at the moment and he didn’t mean it. I think if he dislikes your brother or no longer want to be close friends it is fine, but he has to learn to coexist with him and vice versa. Some separation and less friendship on both of their parts might actually be good for everyone involved.

Post # 7
Member
7758 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with B on this one.

Why? Becuase it’s not the bachelor party, it’s the day after the bachelor party. So it’s not “a weekend for your FI”. The weekend will be over, the bachelor party will be over. B will snowboard the next day and has has invited Fiance to join him.

Fiance can’t go putting extra conditions on an invite. He can accept the offer, or decline. Simple. So if he doesn’t like the arrangement (and it sounds like he doesn’t), he can just say “no thank you”.

The topic ‘Playing Referee Between My FI and My Brother…Long’ is closed to new replies.

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