- Ms. Darko
- 10 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
Hello Bees! This is my first post after stalking the boards for some time. Please forgive me for such a long story. I really don’t know how to shorten it.
I have been with B for 4.2 years now, living together for 3 years. We are both 26 years old. We have had our ups and downs throughout our journey together, overcoming many obstacles, and are doing better than ever. We enjoy a lot of the same things and share the same group of friends.
I had always made it clear to B that marriage is important to me and that I want that form of commitment from him in the future. I was the one who brought up the idea of marriage and at first, I probably did so too much. I feel that I did this because I had previously had a failed relationship in which we were living together, and I was afraid that it could happen again. I wanted his reassurance that he was as serious as I was about our relationship.
He has always reassured me that he loves me and “won’t let me go anywhere”. It was good to hear, but at the same time, he wasn’t saying, “yes, I also want a marriage with you in the future.” I could sense that although he loved me, he was still unsure about marriage, perhaps because he has witnessed his own parents marriage fail. I thought it might be best to back off the subject for a while and that eventually he might come to terms with the idea on his own. After all, he always brought up “our” (future) kids, “our” house “our dogs” and “our” future together.
After 3 years together and with things between us going really well, I did want to make my expectations very clear to him, without giving him an ultimatum. I told him that I would like to be engaged preferably when we reach our 4 year anniversary together, and I don’t really see why it shouldn’t happen unless he is unhappy. He was not threatened, but did not have much to say afterwards, other than the usual “i love you so much” “you know I will marry you someday”.
At the beginning of 2011, a lot was going on. A couple of our friends became engaged and their weddings occured during the summer. He was showing a lot of interest in helping our friends with things wedding-related. He was also talking to me about how he wanted our wedding to be. He occassionally started introducing me to people as his “wifey” (kind of annoying because i’m not, but still cute). I sensed that he was coming around to the idea on his own.
In August, I went into his wallet to look for a business card for his company because I wanted to give it to a friend at work. While searching, I accidentally found a business card for a local jewellers with a ring size on the back of it. I was so happy, although I would never tell him that I found it. Of course, I could not stop thinking about it.
Our 4 year anniversary came and went in September and although I had previously told him that I expect to be engaged by that time, I didn’t bother him about it because I realize he wants to plan this himself and does not want it to seem forced. He has always been one to do things his own way. AND, after seeing the business card from the jewelers, I was happy just knowing that he had at least been thinking about getting engaged. I should add that in one of our conversations about engagement, he mentioned that it would happen in 2011, although he had a sheepish grin on his face at the time. During the month ofSeptember, and ON our anniversary he kept hinting that he had a ring…..
This brings me to October. Earlier this month we were driving in his truck and he asked me to grab something out of the glove box for him. What did I happen to see when I opened it?!? A layaway receipt for a ring. I forced myself not to look at the details. The wheels started turning in my head… why is it on layaway when I know he has the funds to buy it now? Why all the hints about having a ring when he may not in fact have it? Did he put it on layaway because he might change his mind? Am I a crazy person for obsessing over this?!
This brings me to now. Still waiting for a proposal. Trying not to think about it, but still thinking about it constantly. I know too much….
Thank goodness for these boards.
If you made it through this long post, thanks for listening. 😉