Post # 1
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
I grew up with “please and thank you” it became second nature. If i need something even if offered “would you like a glass of lemonade?” “yes, please” Lately i’m noticing my husband doesn’t actually say that. We’ve been married 8 months and were dating for 4 years before getting married. It’s just started to bother me so much lately. This morning i asked him if he wanted me to make him a sandwhich for work. He managed to shout out “yeah” from the bathroom. Last night we were taking out the garbage. He handed me a bad and said “put this in the bathroom” uh excuse me? So every time i notice him not saying it i say “please” at the end of his sentence. It’s starting to seriously get on my nerves. I mentioned it to him last night too. He said “do i have to say please with everything??” uh, yeah, you do. It’s not like adding please at the end of a request requires any extra work. This is the first time we’re living together so maybe that’s why the little things are irritating me so much. like leaving things on the edge of the sink instead of IN the sink. For gods sake it’s only a few more INCHES to put it IN the sink! ugh. Love him, but i’m getting irritated.
Post # 2
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
daniellemc: There are definite growing pains while adjusting to living with a new person sometimes! Luckily your stuff sounds small.
Post # 3
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
It’s just courteous. My Darling Husband is similar. Some day’s I let it slide but on other’s I will ignore him or simply slant him a look until he apologises and asks politely. Without the “please” it goes from being a request to a demand.
Post # 4
Member
4061 posts
Honey bee
…I gotta say, someone adding “please” at the end of everything I said would get really old really fast. You’re not his mommy. He’s not wrong if he isn’t wording it the way you would.
Post # 6
Hostess
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
daniellemc: OMG I have a coworker like this!! It was the very first thing I noticed about him and it drives me crazy! He never says please or thanks, for anything. One of my biggest issues is that I always say “Have a nice night” or whatever when leaving and he just says, “yeah.” Not “you too.” No that would be WAY too hard and polite.
UGHHH
I feel you on this. It’s basic human decency, really.
Post # 7
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
I don’t care when my Darling Husband doesn’t always say please and thank you to me but it bugs the hell out of me when he doesn’t say it to others. I always say please/thank you to waiters/waitresses and he rarely does. It drives me insane. Really it just comes down to differences between the two of you. This is probably not going to change if it’s not ingrained in him. I pick my battles.
Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
We all have our pet peeves. That would annoy me if it were a constant my home as well.
You would say “please and thank you” in someone else’s home or a stranger Why shouldnt your spouse get the benefits of good manners as well? I agree its not a big deal in life, but I hear ya.
It’s like people chewing with their mouth open. Its like nails on a chalk board to me. We all have our pet peeves.
Post # 9
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
I think a PP was correct in saying you’re experiencing some growing pains. It’s an opportunity for communication, and I would encourage you to use it as one. If you just let everything build up, you’ll just explode and you’ll both end up fussy.
That said…while it is definitely polite to say please/thank you, I think tone of voice goes a long way too. My Darling Husband and I are very good about saying please or thank you if we need something/get something, but sometimes if say, he was to ask me if I’d like ____ out of the kitchen, and I say, “sure!” I’m not being rude just because I didn’t say please. So I mean if he is using different language outside of literally “please,” but his tone is still getting the same thing across, I would let it go. And, if you’re going to keep track of him not saying please and thank you every.single.time, make sure you are saying it every single time as well. 😉
As far as the little things like the knife by the sink or whatever; pick your battles. It would take as much time for you to drop it in the sink as it did for you to type the line about it. I’m not saying you have to just let him do whatever he wants while you get frustrated. But I’m sure you do things that he’s like, “ok but WHY for gods sake it is only ____.”
To give you an example, my husband leaves every kitchen cabinet open when he cooks. EVERY. ONE. Looks like we have a poltergeist, haha. I used to be like wtf dude, but then I realized it will take me 2 seconds to shut the doors…and if they’re open it means he cooked dinner. For me. There are bigger problems I could have, lol. To us (and again, you might feel differently) that’s not worth fighting over.
All that to say: if something truly bothers you on a fundamental level, talk about it. He can’t fix it until you sit down and say, “Listen; I realize we were raised differently but I am used to hearing please and thank you. When you don’t say that it makes me feel like you’re demanding something of me instead of asking, even if you don’t mean it that way.” Sometimes you have to just say it outright if you want the message to get across.
At the end of the day, just because someone does something DIFFERENT than you doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I used to get so frustrated at my coworkers who complained that their husbands made the bed wrong…like girl. He made the bed. Y U MAD lol
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by
mrsginger.
Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
You are going to have to let the little things go. You were raised to say please and thank you but your SO wasn’t. You won’t be able to change that now, just as he won’t be able to get you to stop saying it.
Pick your battles, realize what can be changed and what cannot, and understand that sometimes s part of compromising means letting things go.
Post # 11
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
mrsginger: you are 100% correct. It’s certainly the tone he uses. I mean he’s never mean about it. It’s just the growing pains of living with eachother. I usually let things go but for some reason i was just so annoyed by his lack of please last night and this morning. I’ve never actually mentioned the sink thing to him, it’s not worth it when like you said i can literally put it in myself. I just have to get used to all his quirks. Just like he has to get used to me leaving my shoes by the ront door instead of in the closet.
Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
daniellemc: and it does get better, as long as you guys keep the line of communication open. 🙂
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