(Closed) please?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

daniellemc:  There are definite growing pains while adjusting to living with a new person sometimes! Luckily your stuff sounds small.

Post # 3
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

It’s just courteous. My Darling Husband is similar. Some day’s I let it slide but on other’s I will ignore him or simply slant him a look until he apologises and asks politely. Without the “please” it goes from being a request to a demand.  

Post # 4
Member
4061 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

…I gotta say, someone adding “please” at the end of everything I said would get really old really fast. You’re not his mommy. He’s not wrong if he isn’t wording it the way you would. 

Post # 5
Member
9555 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you his mom?

Post # 6
Hostess
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

daniellemc:  OMG I have a coworker like this!! It was the very first thing I noticed about him and it drives me crazy! He never says please or thanks, for anything. One of my biggest issues is that I always say “Have a nice night” or whatever when leaving and he just says, “yeah.” Not “you too.” No that would be WAY too hard and polite.

UGHHH

I feel you on this. It’s basic human decency, really.

Post # 7
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t care when my Darling Husband doesn’t always say please and thank you to me but it bugs the hell out of me when he doesn’t say it to others. I always say please/thank you to waiters/waitresses and he rarely does. It drives me insane. Really it just comes down to differences between the two of you. This is probably not going to change if it’s not ingrained in him. I pick my battles. 

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

We all have our pet peeves. That would annoy me if it were a constant  my home as well.  

You would say “please and thank you” in someone else’s home or a stranger Why shouldnt your spouse get the benefits of good manners as well?    I agree its not a big deal in life, but I hear ya.

It’s like people chewing with their mouth open.   Its like nails on a chalk board to me.   We all have our pet peeves. 

Post # 9
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I think a PP was correct in saying you’re experiencing some growing pains. It’s an opportunity for communication, and I would encourage you to use it as one. If you just let everything build up, you’ll just explode and you’ll both end up fussy.

That said…while it is definitely polite to say please/thank you, I think tone of voice goes a long way too. My Darling Husband and I are very good about saying please or thank you if we need something/get something, but sometimes if say, he was to ask me if I’d like ____ out of the kitchen, and I say, “sure!” I’m not being rude just because I didn’t say please. So I mean if he is using different language outside of literally “please,” but his tone is still getting the same thing across, I would let it go. And, if you’re going to keep track of him not saying please and thank you every.single.time, make sure you are saying it every single time as well. 😉

As far as the little things like the knife by the sink or whatever; pick your battles. It would take as much time for you to drop it in the sink as it did for you to type the line about it. I’m not saying you have to just let him do whatever he wants while you get frustrated. But I’m sure you do things that he’s like, “ok but WHY for gods sake it is only ____.”

To give you an example, my husband leaves every kitchen cabinet open when he cooks. EVERY. ONE. Looks like we have a poltergeist, haha. I used to be like wtf dude, but then I realized it will take me 2 seconds to shut the doors…and if they’re open it means he cooked dinner. For me. There are bigger problems I could have, lol. To us (and again, you might feel differently) that’s not worth fighting over. 

All that to say: if something truly bothers you on a fundamental level, talk about it. He can’t fix it until you sit down and say, “Listen; I realize we were raised differently but I am used to hearing please and thank you. When you don’t say that it makes me feel like you’re demanding something of me instead of asking, even if you don’t mean it that way.” Sometimes you have to just say it outright if you want the message to get across. 

At the end of the day, just because someone does something DIFFERENT than you doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I used to get so frustrated at my coworkers who complained that their husbands made the bed wrong…like girl. He made the bed. Y U MAD lol

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  mrsginger.
Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

You are going to have to let the little things go. You were raised to say please and thank you but your SO wasn’t. You won’t be able to change that now, just as he won’t be able to get you to stop saying it.

Pick your battles, realize what can be changed and what cannot, and understand that sometimes s part of compromising means letting things go. 

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

daniellemc:  and it does get better, as long as you guys keep the line of communication open. 🙂 

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