(Closed) please be honest

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

They shouldn’t have called the bride and groom separately. They shouldn’t have asked to bring the nanny more than once. They shouldn’t need a nanny to control their children in the car. Especially with what you posted about the venue space requirements, all around, I think the parents of the children are in the wrong.

Post # 18
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@selena12312:  Not sure why 2 parents can’t control their kids, but that’s their issue. I think the parents need to respect the bride and groom’s wishes and not bring their nanny to the wedding. 

Post # 19
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@selena12312:  

 Bride and Groom are definitely in the right here! It’s their wedding and if they don#t want children there that’s fine. Also, with offering a room at the mansion originally and then offering to get a hotel room I’d say they have done more than enough to go above and beyond to accomodate these people.

Who frankly sound a bit odd to me. Ditto

View original reply
@208bride:  above- Nanny is live in but parents rarely go out leaving children solely with nanny?! And the parents can’t control the children in the car?!

Unless the children are very very small tiny new babies I honestly cannot see the problem in spending a few hours or a night away from them. And the car thing? kinda pathetic. 

 

Post # 20
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mrs wants to drive kids 6 hours, even though they are uncontrollable in the car, have them attend 1/2 hour ceremony and then wait in the bridal suite for the reception and then drive them back home another 6 hours? The children are obviously young enough that they may be disruptive during ceremony. Irregardless of the nanny situation that seems really difficult on the  kids. If Mrs accepted the room, she wouldn’t HAVE to spend the night, it could be used for child care and they could still drive home that night. I also think it was generous of bride & groom to offer to pay, Mr & Mrs have a live in nanny so I find it hard to imagine that the cost of a room would be prohibitive for them. 

Post # 21
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My sister and brother in law were bridesmaid/usher and they have three small children. They brought a nanny and her husband who came to both the ceremony and drinks reception and then took the baby away to go to bed. I don’t remember her asking me, it was just talked about in passing and done. Easier on the parents, my parents and the children. Didn’t mind one bit. Bride and groom should be more accommodating in my opinion.

Post # 22
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Hemnes:  I agree.

The Mr & Mrs are in the wedding party so they will not be able to look after the children, especially if the bride is of the demanding variety (as in wanting the BM’s to get ready together and do thing or her).

I think it is unreasonable to expect Mr &Mrs to have bridal party duties and look after their kids at the same time without any assistance.

If I was the Mr and Mrs I would step down from the wedding party, bring the nanny for the car trip, bring the kids to the wedding whilst leaving the nanny at a hotel and then picking up the nanny at the end of the night for the trip home.

Bride can deal with being down a Bridesmaid or Best Man & Groomsmen.

Post # 23
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think Mr & Mrs shouldn’t have rang groom after ringing bride and already getting answer. It sounds like B&G are really stuck for rooms etc and don’t want a nanny taking up one. 

Post # 24
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There was a thread like this months ago. And I want to say the solution at the time was to have the nanny wait in the car?! Lol. Anyway, just because the kids were invited doesn’t mean the parents have to bring them. If you know you can’t control your kids during a wedding ceremony and you know you’re not allowed to bring hired help to keep them under control, and you STILL want to attend this event…your only option seems to be to leave the kid at home. It doesn’t matter that the children are your niece and nephew, IMO. The reality is, you didn’t invite this stranger and she’s not invited to your wedding. Should your mother be allowed to bring a makeup artist in case her mascara runs? Should your sister be able to bring a seamstress in the event her hem falls out? Can your cousin bring her wetnurse since her baby doesn’t like being bottlefed? Where does it end? I respect the couple’s right to have household employees (I have them too), but it doesn’t mean that other people have to inconvenience themselves to accomodate their lifestyle. 

 

Post # 25
Member
6375 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I don’t think the parents are being unreasonable, but I do think they were pushy once they had already been told no.

Another family member needs to make themselves available to watch the children, or else this will end in disaster. I also think that the nanny needs to come… not necessarily to the wedding, but to the same town… where she should be put up at the parents’ expense, and that she should take the children in the evening, if the parents wish.

Post # 26
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Mr and MRs awere way out of line.   Ask once, fine.  Continual pestering no.  They can bring nanny and leave kids at hotel with nanny (at Mr and Mrs expense).  It is always wrong to expect B/G to bring extras. 

Post # 27
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I live in a world where people don’t have nannies, so am probably bias. Mrs is seeming unreasonable.

Bride has been accommodating by offering a room at a nearby hotel for the nanny to watch the kids. She has been clear that it’s a space issue, not a bridezilla one.

In my family, grandparents, aunts and uncles share child watching at events, as the kids are the groom’s neice/nephew, would there be other family around to assist? Not sure that a nanny is essential to control kids if other family is around…but, I have a Future Mother-In-Law that would be heartbroken if I gave my kids to a nanny instead of her. So, yeah… bias…

Post # 28
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The bride is bring unreasonable 

Post # 29
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Mrs. is being unreasonable. If there is NO ROOM for the nanny, then the Mrs. is being unreasonable, there’s just no room. If I have this right – bride said no; leave your kids at home with the nanny OR get a hotel room elsewhere (after already offering a room in the mansion, but Mrs. declined that, too). Mrs. just keeps hounding, hoping to get her way.

But Bride is sort of unreasonable too – why not just let the nanny come to the ceremony to watch the kids, if they become unruly she can step them out? It’s not like she will be in all the pix – most of the pix will focus in the front and Bride can just tell Photog, “I don’t want the nanny in all the pix” or whatever.

Post # 30
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Overjoyed:  Yes! I immediately thought of that thread.

Mr. and Mrs. seriously overstepped their bounds by continuing in their request to have the nanny come to the wedding after the first no and by asking for the nanny to hang out in the bridal suite. That’s not only unreasonable but ridiculously rude. If none of the other family members are willing to help control these apparently wild children, Mr. should step down from the wedding to allow Mrs. stand up with her brother. 

Post # 31
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Mrs is unreasonable.

For space issues, head count issues, the bride and groom said no to the nanny and kids.

Mr and Mrs declined room at mansion, declined nanny watching kids at other hotel yet keep hounding the bride and groom.

They need to respect the couples wishes and figure out what to do.

I also think its bit unreasonable that the mrs is saying she can’t spend one night from the kids or control them in a car without the nanny but that’s a whole other issue. Mrs has a live in nanny, watching them for one overnight is kinda part of the gig. 

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