(Closed) please correct me if im wrong..

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
6656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’ve known some people in open relationships. It works for them. They set and abide by agreements based on their needs and boundaries. One of the things I respect about poly relationships is that they require participants to be self aware and honest- with themselves and with their partners. You cannot assume that everyone is on the same page about certain things- you have to discuss and be clear.

There are a lot of people in monogamous, hetero (aka “traditional”) relationships who find out AFTER marriage that they have completely different expectations about roles and agreements. We see them posting about it often enough on these boards. The emphasis on open communication in healthy poly relationships is definitely something beneficial to incorporate elsewhere.

Post # 32
697 posts
Busy bee

I understand that open relationships are a thing, and good for you if it works for you, but IMO:


Post # 33
6353 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

For not caring, you’re caring too much.  Our opinion is irrelevant when it comes to someone else’s  relationship and choices.

Post # 34
1161 posts
Bumble bee

oliviakatherine:  it’s just like any other relationship but you have different rules and boundaries, for example:

Some people have relationships where opposite sex friends aren’t allowed

Others, opposite sex friends are allowed but only with mutual friends who you see together

Opposite sex friends that you can see separately but only in public places or groups

Opposite sex friends that you can see one on one and wherever you like

Relationships where you can have sex with other people but only if it’s just physical and a one off with each hook up and only if your partner knows about it

Relationships where you have a primary partner but can have other hook ups or relationships outside of the primary relationship

And the list goes on and obviously includes different mixes of  the above and different mixes of genders etc but as long as both (or more if it’s a relationship with more than two) people in the relationship know what the rules and boundaries are and are happy with them it just comes down to personal preference and what works for you and your relationship. it’s still a relationship as it is built on trust, love, respect and working towards the same relationship goals etc whether that be marriage, a house, a baby or other mutual goals

Post # 35
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

oliviakatherine:  As others have said, you are incorrect.

An open relationship is a non-monogomous relationship.  It can take many different forms, but the key difference between an open relatinoship and a relationship where one (or both) partners are cheating is consent

Just for your interest, here are a few forms that non-monogomous, or open relationships can take.  Negotiating the terms of the relationship is completely up to the people involved.  I’ve made up the names for these different relationships, they are not official.

 – Classic open relationship.  In this relationship you usually have one primary partner but have other boyfriends/girlfriends on the side.  In some configurations the primary couple negotiates that they can only have outside sex with no attachment.  In others people have full blown relatinships.  These type of relationships seem to be more common when one or both partners is bi and wants to be able to maintain sexual relationships with people of both genders.

 – Swingers. couples who like to find other couples to hook up with.  Typically these are hetero couples who want to switch partners for a night. 

 – Don’t ask Don’t tell.  This is when partners have agreed that they can pursue sex and partnership outside of their relationship but they do not talk about the specifics of their interactions with their partner and they do not pursue this kind of activity as a unit.

 – Socially monogomous.  This is when couples have made an agreement that they will appear monogomous to the outside world but will have freedom to pursue other sexual relationships discreetely.  Claire & Frank Underwood on House of Cards are a good example of this type of relationship. 

 – Monoga-mish.  These couples are generally monogomous, but bring a 3rd (or 4th or 5th) sexual partner into their lives from time to time.  The hallmark here is that they are usually involved in all seuxal activity involving outsiders together.  An example of this is a couple who invites a 3rd to join them for a threesome. 

 – Triads, Quads, etc.  These are groups of people who instead of having a relationship as a  “couple” instead have a relationship between three parties as a “triad” or between four parties as a “quad.”  Typically in this sort of arrnagment all parties have some level of sexual interaction.  They may all live together as one household.

 – Cuckhold.  Cuckholding is a kink related to humiliation fetish.  In this particular kink a man gets off by having his partner either have sex with another man in front of him, have sex with another man and tell him about it, or even have sex with another man and humiliate him by telling other people about it.  I used gendered language here because as I understand it, cuckhold is a term that applies specifically to men.

 – Poligamy.  In this case one person has either several wives or several husbands.  One of the key elements of Poligamy, as opposed to polyamoray, is that there is just one person with several partners.  The partners then have a “sister” or “brother” relationship to one another.  Traditionally, the group of husbands or wives have often been sisters or brothers.  The typical case of this would be the Funamentalist LDS church memebers where there is one male head of household with several wives.

There are many differnet kinds of open relationship.  And one of the things about open relationships is that it doesn’t have to fit into a box.  It is ethical as long as all partners involved are willing adults.

Post # 36
5025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

An open relationship is not cheating. Cheating would imply that there is deceit, however an open relationship is just that, it is open and honest. It is an arrangement between two people who have communicated boundaries in regards to their sexual lives.

Post # 37
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

oliviakatherine:  “I guess i have always just thought, why be in any kind of relationship open or whatever if you are going to go have sex with others.”

This is a really interesting question, and one that I think has a good answer.  Think about these questions to try to understand

  1. Would yous say that you get benefits from your relationship with your husband other than the sex?
  2. Let’s say you and your Darling Husband get to an age where sex is no longer an interest and/or possibility for either of you.  Sex is off the table but you’d still stay married, right?

I’d guess your answer to both questions would be “of course!”  Because sex is a part of your relationship, but it’s not all of your relationship.  There are many benefits to being in a relationship other than sexual access.  For example, there is companionship, economic security, emotional intimacy, and co-parenting/procreation (not that you have to be in a relationship to co-parent, but you get what I mean).  Monogomy is not required to have these other beneficial things. 

Most people want monogomy…and that’s fine!  But some want somethign different.  Maybe they’ll try it and decide it’s not for them, or maybe they’ll try it and find it’s the perfect fit. 


Post # 38
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

cbgg:  that was a really interesting read, thanks! 

Post # 39
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

oliviakatherine:  I trust my partner. 


It sounds like a non monogamous relationship isn’t for you.

Post # 40
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

oliviakatherine:  Not everyone understands polyamorous relationships, but it doesn’t mean the people in them believe that it’s cheating. It’s all about how the consenting adults feel about it.

I have a friend in an open marriage, and I don’t understand it, nor would I want one for myself, but I support her and still gossip with her when she tells me she’s dating a new guy. It’s just like… you know, she’s my friend, and I love her, and she’s happy, her husband’s happy, and no one’s getting hurt. So hell yeah I’m gonna be supportive.

Post # 41
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an open relationship if all parties are ok with it. If he considers it an open relationship but his partner thinks it’s monogamous, then that would be unfaithful and dishonest. 

Post # 42
44 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

When two people agree to this, I wouldn’t consider it cheating. I know a couple that when they travel seperately, they consider themselves in an open relationship. I see what you’re saying in regards do, how do you know if they’ve crossed the boundary/ agreement or not. Well, that comes from trust. I personally could not do it, just the idea bothers me. However, the few couples I have met in open relationship are far more open to honest to each other than several monogomous couples I know. To each their own. 

Post # 43
1243 posts
Bumble bee

oliviakatherine:  How is it cheating when all parties involved have given their consent? Please explain.

Post # 44
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

oliviakatherine:  it’s more of an Arrangement more then anything else… Not really a relationship and not cheating just someone you have an agreement with but honestly relationships take work and effort and appreciation and commitment to one. an open relationship is nothing of the above… I’m not judging anyone people are free to do what they want I just personally wouldn’t call it a relationship at all. 

Post # 45
4242 posts
Honey bee

vikingbride89:  Explain, please. How do open relationships not require work, effort, appreciation, or commitment? 

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