(Closed) Please critique my invite wording!

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hi date twin! my wording is a lot like yours 🙂

For you have shared in their lives,
Your friendship and love

Mr. & Mrs. MISSJYC’s parents

Request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter,
MISSJYC
to
MRJYC
Son of Mr. & Mrs. MRJYC’s parents

On Saturday,
the eighteenth of September,
two thousand ten
Four o’clock in the evening at
xxxx
xxxx. troy, mi 48085

Reception to follow

Post # 4
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I like the wording! Are the line breaks meant as intended? I would break it like this:

Because you have shared in our lives,
with friendship and love we,

SanDiegoAli

and

SanDiegoNolan

together with our children,
invite you to share
the beginning of our new life together
when we exchange marriage vows

on Saturday, the eighteenth of September
two thousand ten
at four forty-five in the afternoon

The Marston House Gardens
Balboa Park
3525 Seventh Avenue
San Diego, California

***

In addition to fiddling with the line breaks, also added a hyphen to forty-five and put a comma after “lives” on the first line and after “children.” Also, you might include the zip code.

It’s a beautiful wording.

Post # 5
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

“the beginning of our new life

together

when we exchange marriage

vows”

This part sounds weird to me.  Not sure why, maybe it’s too redundant?  I don’t know, I just don’t think it fits.  Other than that, I love the wording!

Post # 7
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I used very similar wording on our invitation…I really like it.

Some things I learned while doing non traditional wording but following proper etiquette:

Etiquette states don’t use punctuation except after the day of the week.  Etiquette states don’t use a zip code.  Etiquette states should spell out completey the time, such as a quarter to four in the afternoon (however, my advice since people are always late is you should say at half after three but that is a personal preference).

I attached my suggestions since word is easier to show it in.

Post # 8
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I like it! Ours was simple, and because our parents weren’t together anymore we did something like this…

Chelsea & Daniel

Joyfully invite you to share

in their happiness

as they unite in marriage

with the date & time & location! 🙂 I’m happy with the way ours turned out…i like yours as well!

Post # 9
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Oh it didn’t work, I will try it here but the spacing looks funny

Because you have shared in our lives
with friendship and love

SanDiegoAli

and

SanDiegoNolan

Together with our children

Invite you to share the beginning of our new life together
As we exchange marriage vows

Saturday, the eighteenth of September
Two thousand ten
At a quarter to four in the afternoon

The Marston House Gardens
Balboa Park
3525 Seventh Avenue
San Diego, California

Do you want to add at the bottom – Reception to follow?  We did some fun wording on ours Reception, Dancing and Dinner to follow. 

Post # 11
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I love it!  and I love Balboa Park. We really wanted to get married here but too much cost since all of our family live back east.  Invite wording sounds great! 

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