Please don't judge me, Im just hurting and in so much pain

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You should be able to get into counseling with your school. Tell them you need to see someone right away. You could also go to your primary care physician or the school health clinic. 

I’ve been in your position. I was young, in college, and devastated when I found out that my then Boyfriend or Best Friend and gone away with another woman for the weekend. I went to the student health clinic and to the counseling department through school. So, you have no judgements from me!! 

Post # 3
3730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t think I read your previous thread, but stay strong! It’s easy to fall back into bad habits when they’re all you’ve known for a while. As far as seeing him one more time, is there anyway you can have someone go on your behalf or go with you to keep you strong? No contact is definitely the best in the long run. You will hurt for a while and every day will seem like a challenge. Eventually though you’ll think about him less and less until one day you’ve realized it’s been an entire day where you didn’t think about him..and then It will have been a week..and then months at a time. You will get through this and you’ll find someone who loves you and treats you with respect. You deserve nothing but happiness! 

Post # 4
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your exams and your interviews are WAY more important than this guy and you will literally kick yourself later on if you don’t pull yourself up and do your best. Throw yourself into your exams and focus on that until you can see the counselor.

And don’t meet up with him! Have a friend or family member get the money and apt pass.

Post # 5
216 posts
Helper bee

I second lulubelle2017 – school’s mental health clinics might be your best bet.    

This is a phase you need to live through – everyone had their own share of hell, you can do this. Cry if it helps, and try to focus on exams and interviews, you have the whole life ahead of you.

What helped me in my previous breakups was running. Are you physically active? Try to fit in some workouts, they might help. 

Post # 6
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I highly recommend Talk Space, an online therapy service.  They will first do an online consult to determine what type of therapist with best suit your needs.  You have a choice of different subscriptions/payments plans, insurance not required.  It’s super convenient and effective and you won’t have to wait another week to begin.

Post # 8
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

tattoosislife :  sending you so many hugs. I know you can’t see it right now, but I promise promise promise you will get through this! I know it hurts and you’re panicking, but with no contact and some time, little by little you will heal. 

3 years ago I had a breakup that at the time I thought I would never get over. I would wake in the night heart pounding feeling like I was having a panic attack, and during the day I was shaking with anxiety. At that moment, no matter what my mum or friends said, I couldn’t imagine feeling any different if HE wasn’t in my life. I spent hours googling how to get him back, ways I could chanģe- how I wish I could go back in time and shake (and then hug) myself! 

Allow yourself to cry. You’re really hurt! Allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and the future you thought you’d have. Don’t try and over analyse what or why you’re feeling this way.

3 years later I am engaged, getting married next summer to my absolute soul mate. He is the best, kindest, most loving man I have ever met. He does so many little kind things that my ex would never even think to do. I cannot believe I was so desperate to continue in my previous (very unhealthy, with hindsight) relationship. 

What I mean to say is that though it feels awful now, you WILL get through this. This too shall pass, and things can change and come into your life so quickly once you’re healed! I wish I could go back to 2014 me, give myself a cuddle and say “he is coming. I promise he is coming.” New Year’s Eve 2014 I was upstairs at a house party sobbing, with my sister helping me to block my ex online. (We’d been broken up for 3 months. I was devastated that I was starting a new year without him, she was adamant I make a clean start). That June I met my future husband. I wish I could have told myself “just hang on for 6 months!” We got engaged October 2016, nearly 2 years after the break up.  I would never have believed it possible if you’d told me that in 2014! 

Chin up my lovely bee and be kind to yourself. Believe that you are meant for better things, and by healing and taking baby steps forwards you can be open to them. 

Post # 9
236 posts
Helper bee

All of the above. An ended relationship can hurt so much, not only to your head and heart, but your body too. It feels devastating. It’s OK to cry for now. We’ve all most likely been there at some point, and can tell you it really does get better. Please believe us. I know it’s hard to believe when you are going through it, but it is true. So much pain can come from the expectations / relationships that do not pan out the way we hoped. When we work through and release those expectations, it helps the pain to diminish until it goes away completely. And it will.

If you have to have someone meet up with him to get back your stuff instead of you doing it, then please don’t feel bad or weak about that. It’s totally OK with what you can and want to do. You don’t need to put yourself back in a situation that has become hurtful. Let the person get your stuff and nothing else, and as much as you’ll probably be curious and want to ask this person how he behaved, what he said, how he looked, etc. please refrain from doing that because it only gets you caught back up in these emotions where he can toy with them. If you really, really must ask and can’t stop yourself, then just get your answer and try to forget it. Otherwise he is getting you wrapped up in him without him even being in the room with you, and you will dwell on it. It is always the dwelling part that keeps pain and/or false hope alive, because it makes the way your life is heading dependent on someone else. Don’t give that power to him.

Kudos to you for taking the steps to care for yourself and your own well-being. Focus on you now, do things that make yourself happy, and get your self-esteem back up. Just remember you deserve a good, strong and healthy relationship, and it first starts with you feeling good about yourself. The best relationships come when you’ve reached the point where you don’t need one, and are happy with yourself…and that is what you are now heading toward. 

All the best to you, sweetheart. Hugs. 🙂

Post # 10
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I didn’t read your previous post, but I would just say as a band-aid to get you through your interviews and exams, you might want to consider trying like an intense workout class. I occasionally have anxiety issues– usually around specific events at work– and I’ve found that if I can get in a really good workout (like pushed to my limit) I’m tired enough to actually sleep soundly despite my anxiety which would otherwise keep me up. Between the endorphines and a good nights rest, I usually get a short respite from the anxiety and I can get through the next day feeling relatively normal. 

This isn’t to replace seeing a professional; it sounds like you could use some help navigating this breakup. But as far as getting through important professional events like exams and interviews before you can get that help, this might get you through. 

Also- please don’t see him. Have him mail you your things or give it to a friend. Or just throw it out. Your emotional wellbeing isn’t worth the cost of replacing a parking pass. 

Post # 11
3674 posts
Sugar bee

What kind of things make you happy? Like silly, easily attainable things? For example, when I’m in a bad mood I like to go to starbucks and get a treat or get a pedicure. Do some nice things for yourself to pick up your spirits and get to work on those exams! Get out of your head and do things just for you. You are far more important than him. Far. More. When I went through a bad breakup I had people to talk to about it, but honestly, it almost made it worse because then it was constantly on my mind. I didn’t truly feel better until I created some structure in my life. I did all the cliche things, but it really helped to establish my own routine. I went to the gym, made myself delicious breakfasts every morning, worked, found my own new shows to watch, etc. Create that new routine for youself and soon it will feel good and you will realize you do not need him. Hugs.

Post # 12
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tattoosislife :  Can someone you trust collect the $$ and the parking pass?  

Post # 13
97 posts
Worker bee

Here’s something I do when I’m having a hard time focusing. Get a timer and set it for 15 minutes. Then decide that just for that 15 minutes you will focus on studying, or outlining you interview, or something else you need to to. When you are done take a break if you need to, or set the timer again. It’s amazing what you can get through 15 minutes at a time. I know this is so hard, but you will come out stronger, I promise. Hang in there!

Post # 15
1000 posts
Bumble bee

100% agree with PPs – do NOT meet up with him! Clean breaks make for less heartache! Get a mediator for this. 

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