Please explain "being engaged" versus "planning to get married"

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

morgansmom :  imo, “engagement” = actively planning a wedding/marriage, whether there’s a ring or not. two people made an agreement to marry, and are taking steps to make that happen.

“planning to get married” could be actively planning (in which case it’s the same as being engaged), or it could just mean “we’ll get married someday“. many couples plan to get married someday before they actually take the steps to get engaged and actually start planning the wedding.

and lastly, the most confusing is those who say they are “engaged” and have put a ring on it, but aren’t actually planning anything. think, the TV show the bachelor/bachlorette. there’s a proposal, and a ring, but (in most cases) no actual planning happening (because let’s face it, they’ve only known each other for 8 weeks). they call themselves “engaged” but imo that’s a load of BS. 

Post # 17
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

We weren’t “engaged” until the ring was on my finger, even though as far as I’m concerned, once I picked out the ring and we got it resized twice, it was a given we were going to get married.  The difference?  Once that ring is on the finger, it’s public.  Then it’s fair game for everyone under the sun to want to know all the details, offer unsolicited advice, make reservations even though we repeatedly say not to because we can’t set dates until Catholic Bureaucracy gives us a go-ahead, etc.  I kind of wish we’d waited longer.  But it all ended well!

Post # 18
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

morgansmom :  Engaged vs planning to get married. Most engaged people have a engagement ring and a formal proposal. People planning to get married might talk about getting married in the future but there is no formal engagement ring or engagement and there is no time set at a venue. I think when you are engaged you have a ring a proposal and eventually a time line.

Post # 19
Member
8755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

morgansmom :  You aren’t clueless at all. By definition the two things are one and the same. A ring and a formal proposal are not necessary. Agreeing to be married is what makes a couple engaged no matter how, when or where it happens. 

But couples want the romantic, Hollywood moment and think it’s not official without those things. 

Post # 20
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I get confused by it too. Like when a couple for example buys a ring toghether but then wait 2 weeks to actually get engaged. How are you not already engaged? You already made a decision to get married! 

But the strangest thing was when I met a couple that said they weren’t engaged but they would say things like : “we will have a wedding next october or november” and they would already look at venues. I find it so confussing. 

I also don’t get being engaged without planing to get married anytime specific. I get not having a date right a way of course, or  waiting due to money or waiting for some specific reason ex. finishing college or being financialy independent etc. But getting enagaged and being like: “yeah we are getting married…someday.. next year..or in 3 years…one day, we will see, we are not making any olans anytime soon” – that just doesn’t make much sense. I always thought getting engaged should mean :  we want to get married not we think we will want to get married in the future and you actually intend to get married in a fitting time frame. 

Its so confussing nowadays 😀 

Post # 21
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Well. I think me and my SO are planning to get married. Not planning a wedding. But our relationship has went fast. He got me a promise ring at 5 months because it was unreasonably early to pop the question. Atleast we thought so. We still plan to get married. But next is the proposal. 

Post # 22
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My DH and I got engaged without a proposal or ring. I eventually got a ring, but it was 9 months into our engagement and 5 months before the wedding, long after deposits had been paid, services selected, and family and friends being informed with save the dates.

Some people make it “official” with a proposal or a ring, but as PPs have said, engagements are different for every couple these days.

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