(Closed) Please explain engagement rings

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 47
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
@DClare:  Yeah, I do not equate the ring with “seriousness” either. At least not in a “they go hand in hand”. I understand why others do view it this way, but it is just not how I do.

I mean, we did not have engagement ring and were married 2.5 months later. Pretty serious, no?  We already had talked about marriage. We did not take it lightly. There was a reason we had not married before in other long term relationships, because it was a big commitment. In high school we certainly did not say or hear things like “marry me!” because we did take that commitment seriously. We knew from the get go that we were looking for a life partner (via marriage or not), and if we were not it, we were not going to continue dating. We talked openly about marriage/lifelong commitment (not necessarily via marriage), what it meant for us, our expectations, hopes, fears, etc. Our commitment, our seriousness, was there long before we actually got engaged and married.

I have seen men give engagement rings to women while they were cheating on them. Or to get them off their back? Or because they had been dating for so many years and they figured it was just what was done. Pretty serious, not?

Post # 48
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

To me, an engagement ring is a gift that represents commitment to the person the ring is given to. And I don’t just think a woman should be the only one to have one, the guy should have one too! My fiance actually wanted one, and was the one who thought of the idea. So after he proposed to me, I went out and bought him an engagement ring. He  said he wanted to show off that he was engaged too… Aww 🙂 

I also think that an engagement ring shows other people that you are taken and that you plan on marrying, so it is not confused. You don’t have to ask, it is seen and your status is known. 

I don’t think that an engagement ring is required to decide to get married. But I do think the proposal is romantic and that having an engagement ring is convenient because everyone knows that you are engaged. My fiance designed my ring himself, bought the ring with his own money and proposed to me. What he spent on my ring wasn’t important but he did spend what he could afford from saving and I appreciate it so much. I would have said yes, regardless if he was able to buy me a ring. 

Post # 49
3226 posts
Sugar bee

@GelaMac: You guys are nuts! LOL

OP: I got a ringless proposal and I didn’t mind one bit.. honestly I just wanted to hurry up the process before he changed his mind haha my wedding band is the most important of my set because it symbolizes our marriage and comitement.. and the e-ring in a way I view as a promise from my husband. A promise to love and cherish forever. Corny, I know haha and the fact that it adds some bling doesn’t hurt!Cool

Post # 50
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s a status symbol pretty much. Having a ring means you have someone significant in your life and is an outward symbol that you are no longer single, and although I know people will disagree with me, the size and quality of the ring also speaks to perceived wealth. Yea this is often a misperception (people with money may chose a smaller ring, people may go into a lot of debt or buy a moissanite/cz/other white stone to get the image of a bigger ring) but it’s a social symbol nonetheless.

Post # 51
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think you need a ring to be engaged by in my (and my friends) experience, men generally think it reflects badly on them if they don’t spring for a diamond. I tried to tell me SO I didn’t need a ring if he was putting off a proposal just to save for one. This fell on deaf ears, but I did eventually convince him that I wanted a gemstone and not a diamond.

Although he has the ring we’re not engaged yet, but I look forward to wearing it as a symbol that I’m his. I actually asked if he wanted an engagement ring too!

For me the wedding band is the most important ring and it’s important to me that he wear one as well. Luckily he feels the same way. I think the engagement ring can be blingy but because the meaning of the wedding band is stronger for me I want a simple plain band to emphasis it’s not just for fashion.

Post # 52
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I never understood the point of erings as well. My parents come from a culture where they usually wear their wedding bands on the right ring finger as a symbol of engagement and it’s then switched to the left ring finger at the wedding ceremony. My dad felt the need to buy my mom a diamond ring on top of that, though. I guess it had started to become vogue in their country at the time. But my mom not once ever wore that ring. Growing up, I always told myself my husband would be the most precious stone in my life, and I never felt the need to own a big rock. But he insisted we get something. I think it’s just become culturally ingrained into us on many levels. Like if the man can’t afford to buy the ring, how can he take care of her? But it’s definitely not something that’s required. And I can understand why someone would question it, especially since there’s no equivalent for men.

Post # 53
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I think it is the wedding band that is the important one, in terms of a symbol of endless love and commitment…but I LOVE my sparklies.  SO while it does not mean that my now DH loves me anymore than someone who does not have an ering, it means I am happy because I have something pretty to distract myself with.

Post # 54
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Rings certainly mean different things to different people.  Take me and my Fiance, we are in a same sex relationship, both women.  I proposed and worked hard to save up for what I thought would be the perfect ring for her. She gave me very little input as she wanted me to pick it out.  To her the ring symbolizes my commitment to her, it shows my commitment because I took the time and effort of saving and picking out the perfect ring.

After giving her the ring I decided I wanted one too.  I picked out a very inexpensive and plain ring.  To me my ring shows the world that I have made a commitment to her.  A wedding ring means the same thing to me honestly, but I wanted that symbol now.  We are planning our wedding and I wanted a ring to show my promise to her. 

Post # 55
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Loribeth:  This.  Back in the day (so to speak). A man saved up for a ring to prove the he could provide for the woman and to show his promise to marry her and that she was “off the market”.

Personally (I live in the USA) I told Fiance I’d like an engagement ring, but it wasn’t necessary.  I also offered to get him a ring and have him take my last name but he declined :).  My personal preference is that a married couple should have the same name, I don’t care if it’s his, hers or something made up.

Post # 56
1 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am married almost 25 years and never had an engagement ring. We ran off and eloped. We were building a house and a ring and wedding seemed trivial at the time. I still wear my $39 Service Merchandise wedding band! I never regreted not having a ring although every now and then I am sad that I do not have a wedding album or wedding memories. Whenever I thought about him getting me a diamond I thought of all the other things we could get with the  money. On my 50th birthday my hubby gave me his Grandmothers engagement ring and I love it. After all, look how big and expensive Princess Dianas ring was and how unhappy she was. My biggest regret is that my mother did not get to witness my wedding.

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