(Closed) Please explain something to me

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 4
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wait, didn’t he already replace the stone with something 0.02 smaller? Is he talking about a third stone?

It seems to me that you have things figured out, and know what you like. You like your ring. You like your wedding plan. You like how it all fits into your relationship. You don’t have a problem. It sounds instead like you have a downer in your life. It is always tough when that person is family. Reread your post, though. If you filter through her negativity, you are getting what is right for the two of you! What else matters?

I totally understand the petty ring thing. I have a sapphire because I really didn’t want a diamond (ethical thing). All the time people say, "oh, well, you guys can just get a big diamond in a few years." That isn’t what I want, though. Still, doing anything different always comes with a little doubt. No matter how sure you are, people can needle.

I would just focus on exactly what you said: "It just feels like they were meant to be placed together and to me that represents us."

Could a stone ever be sparkly enough to replace that?

Post # 6
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Your ring should sparkle exactly the amount that would make you happy (and keep you from going broke too!)  


Your sister’s comments are all about her – and her jealously and envy and unhappiness.  You don’t need to respond except to smile and say, "I love my ring and I love my fiancee!"  Don’t let her sadness affect you and how you feel about your wedding. 

Post # 7
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Re: the ring sparkling–you mentioned you have an antique band and a family-inherited stone. When was the last time your ring was professionally cleaned? That can make a WORLD of difference in the sparkle category.

Regardless, your ring should sparkle exactly enough that you are happy with it. And it sounds like you are very happy with your ring. It has a wonderful story.

Post # 8
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

All that matters is how you feel about the man that gave you the ring and what the ring symbolizes.  After Fiance and I looked at diamonds and settings together, he ended up picking size and color over sparkle, and ended up surprising me with a beautiful ring.  It was an estate stone from a local jeweler that was put into an antique 1940’s setting I had admired one day in the store.  The only reason I know the stone doesn’t sparkle the way others do is because I had the chance to compare them side to side before he purchased it.  But now when I look at it on my hand, I don’t think of that.  All I think of is how beautiful it is and how in love I am with the man on the other end of it.

Actually, before he picked the stone, I asked the opinion of some of the self-proclaimed diamond afficianados on a diamond website forum.  I received responses that indicated we should chose another diamond.  Fiance didn’t listen to them, and I’m glad he didn’t.  Nobody else gets to wear my ring, I can’t imagine my ring with a different diamond.  I love the fact that the diamond and the setting each have history behind them (and besides, buying previously loved jewelry is a form of recycling, therefore, you’re doing something good for the environment!).

 Here’s a little trick I’ve learned with my ring:  whenever I think it’s not sparkling enough (usually about once a week), I drop it in the jewelry cleaner jar, scrub it with its own baby toothbrush, rinse it with water, and then dry it with a towel.  Voila!  Super-shiny/sparkly ring!

Oh, and next time Sis says something negative about your ring, tell her to jump in a lake.

Post # 9
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

maybe i’m just not a "girly girl" and I personally don’t NEED a "shiny sparkly" ring – but I personally think – your ring should make YOU happy. FORGET what your sisters think about YOUR ring.

I look on these boards and see MANY very GORGEOUS rings that people have – that have TONS of diamonds and look like the cost an absolute FORTUNE…yet i told my hubby, before he proposed, that I wanted the simplest solitaire, and my ring is absolutely PERFECT. All it is is a gold band with one small solitaire (not even sure of the carrot size, as i could care less). But it’s mine – it’s beautiful and PERFECT.

I think having an antique ring is an AWESOME idea. again, this is YOUR ring that YOU will be wearing on YOUR finger and YOU will look at for the rest of YOUR life. like someone else said, tell your sisters to go jump in a lake.

Just be happy with yourself and realize, too (and i hope this doesn’t sound mean) but the fact that your sister <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>did unfortunately have 20 years of an unhappy marriage – maybe she <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>is jealous that you have found true happiness at your age and it took her a much longer time.

good luck and enjoy your ring!!! 

Post # 10
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I agree with the other posters. I’m very sorry your sister is hung up on the material things that make up a ring rather than what it actually symbolizes. You said in your post that you feel as if they were "meant to be placed together." That’s the sort of thing that comes naturally and can’t be forced. Now that you found it, go with it! If your sister makes another comment, just smile and tell her that you love your ring b/c it symbolizes the love your fiance has for you. And that’s that.

As for your fiance, I think it will take a bit of work (good call in not mentioning what your sister said to him), but he’ll eventually realize you’re excited with your ring the way it is. Just keep reminding him of that every time he mentions "upgrading" it. With love, there’s nothing to upgrade to when you’re the happiest woman in the world with him!

Sparkle also depends on the cut. I had recently read a post where someone thought a brilliant cut round diamond sparkled too much for her taste, so she went with an emerald cut diamond for less sparkle. So, as long as your ring has enough sparkle for you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!

Last thing – as for the sizing, get about 1/4 or 1/2 size bigger and then use the sizing beads for the winter or when your weight fluctuates. I have the same issue and they work perfectly. You just want to keep your rings from spinning so that they don’t wear the sides down.

I hope we’re helping to comfort! It’s hard for a sister to relate when she’s gone through an unhappy marriage first. Just hearing that you’re keeping the wedding a secret from her tells me that this wasn’t the first time she’s been hurtful towards you. I wish you the best of luck, and we’re always here if you need to vent again!

Post # 11
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

I agree with everyone who said to ignore your sister. If you love your ring, that is what matters and it is ALL that matters. I know it’s hard to let things like that roll off your back, especially when the comment is from someone as close to you as family. I certainly can’t do it very easily. But it IS about you. It’s your ring. You wear it every day and you see it. If your sister thinks it should sparkle more, but you don’t care, then let her keep right on thinking that. You said her ring is very sparkly, so she can be happy staring at her own sparkly ring and leave you out of it, am I right? lol.

Now, on to your question about sparkle. It’s more about the cut and clarity than it is about the size of the stone. Did you say what cut it was? I know you said the other one was an old european cut. (That’s similar to "cushion, am I right?"). I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that cushion and emerald cut stones are actually cut with less facets than princess or round stones. This means they would sparkle less – they are designed to be that way. Clarity is how many inclusions/flaws it has. The more flaws, the less it might sparkle because it’s got little cracks or dirt bits formed right in to the diamond. And then there’s color… stones that have a slight yellow tinge to them still sparkle, but possibly not as brightly as those that are colorless or near colorless. 

 Personally, I did want a sparkly ring (with many small facets), so though I liked the shape of the emerald cut, I ended up choosing a marquise because it had both the oblong shape and lots of facets for sparkle. But still! It only really sparkles a LOT when it is CLEAN.  The things we do on a daily basis (washing our hands, lotion, cooking, and generally living) will cause the stone to get dull because it’s got dirt on it – possibly stuck under the setting. A lot of jewelers will clean your ring for free, or you can acheive similar results with some dish soap and a toothbrush. Seriously, my ring is twice as shiny after I clean it.

As for talking with your Fiance, tell him that the stone it has now is important to you, if you love it. I love my stone. It has a small inclusion in it, not visible at all now that it’s in the setting, but it was visible when it was just a loose stone. Mr. MJ was concerned that I didn’t like this – he wanted to find a stone that did not have this inclusion (it’s a white feathery type of thing).  It took some convincing to help him understand that I did want THIS stone, not some other stone. I like the feather, it makes it unique. And I want the stone that we picked out together for my ring… not some random other one just because it doesn’t have an inclusion that no one even could FIND on the stone (including the jeweler!) until I gave it a major scrutinization with my super-detail-oriented eyes.

Post # 12
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It sounds like your sister is an unhappy person.  And unhappy people have a really hard time being happy for others.  Being critical of your choices and circumstances, which reduces your happiness, somehow makes her feel better about herself – which is pretty twisted, no matter how you look at it.

It sounds to me like you have a beautiful ring, and a wonderful Fiance.  You worked together to pick out a ring that has a lot of meaning for both of you.  That is what is important. My husband and I happen to agree that my ring is perfect, and much nicer than any other that we have seen.  But I would never tell one of my friends that I think her ring is less than wonderful!  What would be the point of that?  And I"m sure that some of my friends are just puzzled by my ring, which is really different than any of theirs – but they all agree that it’s just perfect for me. 

My husband likes to remind me (one of the many reasons that I love him) that neither of us is perfect, and our relationship isn’t perfect, and that we can expect in general that life will not be perfect either.  And that makes our love that much more wonderful, that it isn’t in any way dependent on either of us, or our circumstances, being perfect.  We can be happy and love each other even when things are not ideal.  That may be something that your sister (with her new nose and boobs) has a hard time understanding, but it sounds like something that you might hold onto when she gets critical of your life.  Because how sad would it be, if any of us had to be perfect to be happy, or to be loved?

Post # 13
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m so sorry that your sister made those comments to you, its difficult to be criticized by others, especially those that are close to us like family. Just remember that you love the ring and it makes you happy, and that is all that counts. It doesn’t matter what she thinks, just try to realize that she is the one with the problem, not you.

On another note, to hopefully make you feel better, I will share my experience with my mother with you. I went to try on wedding gowns for the first time ever, this was right after I got engaged, I don’t live near my mom so I went alone. I had a really nice experience at the bridal store, the dresses were flattering to my shape (I’m plus-sized), and I was pleasantly surprised. When I excitedly shared the news with my mother and described the dress this is what she said: " Were you happy with how you looked? You didn’t think they made you look fat?" Uhhh…thanks Mom for your words of encouragement and completely managing to burst my bubble, errrrrrrrrrrr.

I’m sending hugs your way!!!!

Post # 14
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with everyone else here!  I just went and found a pic of your ring and it is Amazing!  Really Gorgeous!!  I would be so proud to wear that ring. And I wouldn’t bat and eye at my sister.

My sister and one of my brother’s were always so much more materialistic than I.  It’s something we’ve learned to deal with but when we were younger it always made things hard for us.  I thought my sister was being shallow and she thought I had no taste.  

Luckily we’ve all mellowed and met in the middle and hopefully someday your sister and you will be able to achieve the same!

Anyway, you should totally post your ring pics here so everyone an ohhh.. and ahhh.. over it!

Post # 15
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Miz- Your ring really is gorgeous.  Totally wonderful.

I know it must be hard to hear critical words from your sister… but really, if you let her get the best of you, then she’s won… and you don’t want that.

Here’s a link to Miz’s ring (hope you don’t mind!)

Showing off your engagement ring

Post # 16
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

mizunoheaven: At first I was going to post that I was sorry for your sister, because happy people don’t criticize others’ rings, and happy for you, because you got the ring you wanted.

Then I saw the picture of your ring…and I think I’m still blinded. 🙂 Seriously, what a gorgeous ring! I think you and your fiance have excellent taste.

By The Way, if you’re going to be in Houston, and you like classic/antique jewelry: You might want to check out Past Era at some point. It’s an estate jewelry store that has lots of cool stuff. I have nothing to do with them, I promise (aside from having purchased a couple of things from them), but their jewelry is lovely and distinctive.


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