- Ms. Cutie Pie
- 5 years ago
I’m posting under a semi-new account because I don’t want to be recognized. I recently got engaged, and I think it’s just made me realize that our relationship is not good enough for me to see myself being happily married to my man forever. We’ve been dating for a couple years and are living together, so breaking up will be tough. However, this is the only way I see out. For the past year I’ve wanted to leave on multiple occasions and even researched apartments a couple times. But he loves me with all of his heart and I love him with all of mine. We’ve given each other everything and fought so hard for our relationship. It’s just that we’re too mismatched. Sex is great but our drive is at opposite ends of the spectrum. We have different intimacy needs. We have different levels of activity, and most importantly, different religious views and opinions about childrearing.
I have provided more info on what made me realize this below. But if you don’t feel like reading the whole novel (which I completely understand, believe me), here are the questions I’m asking:
1. I feel like I owe him a couple more weeks of being together and trying to make it work. I just love him so much and it pains me that we don’t work out together. I just want to try to stay and make it work, at least evaluate the relationship more objectively. My good friends are leaving for a couple of weeks so I probably won’t do it until they come back because I will need some support, but how long do you think I should wait?
2. I absolutely dread the day I’m going to tell him. For those of you who have made such a big decision, how did you make it? How did you get through it? What helped ease the transition, and how did you not break his heart in the process? I feel so bad, his family loves me too and I love them, I don’t want to break away from them, but I just feel like this is the best thing for myself. Was it better in the end? What advice and encouragement can you give me?
So far I thought we could just work hard to make it work. I thought I wasn’t communicating well. But I recently met a strange person. The moment I saw this guy I thought “oh my god, this is the guy i’m going to marry”. Nothing was there to give me that indication, I just felt it. We were in a group of friends, but proceeded to get along great throughout the night, and found out we have the same view on all of the above-mentioned important things like family life, children, where we like to live, how warm or cold we like it, etc. We just seem like we see the world in the same way.
To make it clear, I will not jump into another relationship. I jumped into my current one because of pure attraction without evaluating it objectively. That was a mistake, but I thought I could just work hard at it and make it work. This time I want to live alone for a while, and I want to make sure that I’m friends with this person for a few months so that I get to know their true character and they get to know mine. Getting engaged has just given me such a jolt of “holy shit, this stuff is for life, you better make sure you’ve made the right choice”, when I met this guy I just realized that there are people out there who get me. I didn’t need to explain my idea a million times and argue about it, he just got it. We could have a great conversation where we just understood each other naturally. I never thought I could meet someone like that and be attracted to him as well, but meeting this guy made me realize that there are other options out there and that I may be making a mistake. I may or may not end up with him, I don’t know and at this point it’s too early to tell. It’s clear that we like each other but I’m past the point of jumping into a relationship just because of attraction. I just can’t believe that I have to do this…