Post # 1
Hi bees, My wedding is just a few weeks away and I have really been going back and forth on making a decision re: father/daughter dance.. my dad passed away in 2010. I have a tribute to him in program and there will also be a slideshow at wedding of both my fiances and my family, growing up, us, etc. My fiance is definitely doing mother/son dance but they are starting off dancing slow and then doing a coordinated dance mash up (think-the twist, twist and shout, etc.) I think part of the reason they did this is so that it wouldn’t be too sad for me to watch them have slow, emotional dance. Now… I have gone back and forth on what I wanted to do for father/daughter dance… these were my thoughts..
1. split dance between my two uncles (father’s brothers).. I have not asked them yet but I am sure they would
2. Have dj dedicate song to my father and ask everyone to go to the dancefloor and boogie to honor him (I am thinking “Runaround Sue” as it always reminds me of him)
3. Not do anything… now at first I thought completely skipping over it would be kind of cold. However, as we get closer, this seems to be the option I am leaning more toward because I am a very emotional person and can’t really predict how I will do with #1 or #2. Everyone knows the situation so it’s not like theyre going to be like hey why’d she skip the father/daughter dance? Also- my mom. My mom is still not over his death (not that she ever will be, but you know what I mean). My mom is walking me down the aisle and I know this day is going to be wonderful and extremely difficult for her at the same time. I think for sure that the dance with my uncles will devastate her.. even the dj dedication might move her to tears..
So please, bees, give me your opinion.. would it be okay to skip this part and still have fiance and his mom dance.. or do you think it is not the proper way to honor my dad?
Post # 2
First, I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be getting married without my dad there.
Unless you are very close with your uncles, I would skip #1. It’s a nice gesture, but unless they filled a father-figure role, I wouldn’t think it’s necessary.
I think #2 is a great idea, and if you ask your uncles / family members in advance to make sure they get up and boogie, I think it’d be very touching.
There is nothing wrong or cold about skipping it too!
Some bees do mother/daughter dances too if you are interested in considering that.
Post # 3
Thank you for your advice.. I definitely thought about mother/daughter dance but my mom is so anxious about walking down the aisle (she is not a fan of spotlight) that I think she would spend so much time worrying about it rather than enjoying reception. I think #1 is definitely out.. I mean I love my uncles but we are not superrr close by any means..
If I do the dj thing, I am trying to figure out a good way to have him word it.
Thank you for your kind words
Post # 4
Junebride213: I think the DJ saying something is a good choice. it gets everyone on the dance floor and it dedicates the time and dance to him. My FI’s dad passed away 9 years ago and I found a sign we are going to put up at the reception with a picture of his dad. it says ‘we know you’d be here today if heaven weren’t so far away.’ we will probably put a bottle of his favorite liquor and some disposable shot glasses so people can have shots ‘with his dad’
Post # 5
I’m in the same situation as you since my father passed away when I was in high school. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be skipping my portion of the father/daughter dance since nobody really filled the role of my dad (other than my mom of course). You’re also right that most people attending already know my situation. I don’t think it’ll be cold, I think it’s just a personal choice. By all means though, I want my fiance to have his mother/son dance! My DJ told us that since his wife’s father passed away, they skipped the whole parent/child dance altogether and now regrets that he didn’t have a mother/son dance.
Post # 6
Junebride213: Personally, I think I’d just skip the dance. I’m sorry for your loss. I think honoring him in the program is great, and maybe consider saving him a chair during ceremony seating that you can place a rose or something on after walking up the isle?
From a wedding photographer’s point of view, everytime I see someone do some sort of memorial moment during a reception it becomes a super sad thing (rightfully so!) but it never fully recovers from that, if you know what I mean? Like for example, the last wedding I had where they did something – they did a latern release outside in the middle of the reception and everyone was sobbing. Then everyone seemed to feel uncomfortable or like it was inappropriate for them to “get happy” again and go have fun the rest of the reception.
Post # 7
Junebride213: sorry for you loss. my father also passed away a few years before my wedding. and DH’s father passed away 15 years before.
DH did not slow dance with his mother as she had a stroke 2 years ago and is not comfortable on her feet.
however, i did do a fast dance with my mom and it was a hit!!!
after DH’s and I first dance, the music turned into a slow song that my mom picked. we played the chorus while my mom walked up to the dance floor and and kissed me and DH. then it turned into Pink’s Let’s Get the Party Started. We danced for maybe 90-100 seconds, not really that long. But i had choeographed a couple of dance steps that we did.
our guests really loved this. DH’s friend who in an event planner and helped us out with some aspects of our wedding, kept telling me to leave the mother/daughter dance out. i’m glad i didn’t listen, he was so surprised at how well it was received.
Post # 8
Sorry for your loss. I’m wondering why both dances can’t just be skipped?
Maybe I have a different outlook but I have no idea why there needs to be special father-daughter dances or mother-son dances. Especially when the passing of your dad is making this difficult to plan.
Were skipping both. For no other reason than we just want to party. We can dance with our respective parents while everyone else dances too, no need to make it into an ordeal that everyone has to stand around and watch.
Post # 9
Junebride213: I think any choice that you feel most comfortable with is the right choice to make! However, if you do decide to do something to honor your dad, I really, really love option 2. I think what’s nice about this is that it’s not a sad, solemn way of remembering your dad, but rather a way of celebrating his life and incorporating that into the celebration of your day. It might be a nice way to reinforce the feelings (for yourself–that’s what matters most here) that he’s with you. I’m sure you will be remembering your dad either way, so hopefully this wouldn’t pull you out of the moment too much. If you do choose this, I would have the DJ keep the wording really simple. It also could be an option to open the dance floor with this song, since then the DJ breaking in won’t be “breaking the flow” or anything. The DJ could just say somehing like “& now the bride and groom want to open the dance floor with a favorite song of [bride’s] dad”….you can add more, but honestly, that might be sufficient. You could tell some of your family/friends about it beforehand to make sure they all get out there ith you.
That said, I really do think not doing anything is absolutely 100% fine. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.
Post # 10
I love idea of having a song dedicated and everyone dancing.
Post # 11
Option 2, play his favorite song. Have the DJ incorporate it sometime during the evening as part of a set instead of as a specific part like mother/son dance or gartar toss. The DJ could simply say “this is for the late Mr.JuneBride.”
Sorry for your loss.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry for your loss. You should absolutely do what feels best and most comfortable to you and the people closest to you (e.g. your mom), and not worry what anyone else thinks.
Although if you do care what others think – I know I care more than I should sometimes – as a guest I honestly wouldn’t think twice about someone skipping that dance in your case (or in any other case!), and I don’t think anyone would find you cold at all for doing so.
Post # 13
Junebride213: Runaround Sue idea sounds perfect! I wouldn’t skip it. You’ll still be thinking about it, and this way you can think about it in a fun and positive way.
Post # 14
Junebride213: do whatever you think will work best for you on that day. There is absolutely nothing wrong w skipping it altogether. at one point, I’d thought of playing some of my grandmother’s favorite happy songs, but I still am not ready for that. Although we laugh and have good memories of her sometimes, I can’t predict when hearing those songs will make me cry and just want to sit thinking abt her and missing her. So they’re on my no-play list for my wedding because Id rather not risk it and it’ll be hard enough as it is And I want to try to have fun- that’s what she wanted most.
Post # 15
Junebride213: Honest opinion: just skip it. You’ve done enough to honour him.
Really sorry for your loss. I really can’t imgine.