Please gut-check me !

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

If he’s said ‘within’ this year, then he has plenty of time to organise things like ring size and talking to your father.

Also, does he know that you expect him to ask your father’s permission first and to propose with a ring?  Not everyone does this, so unless you’ve been very clear that this is what you expect, he may not even plan to do these things.

If you are happy with the end of year deadline, then wait.  If not, then have another conversation and lay out what you are happy to accept.

Over here, engagement tends to happen pretty much immediately the couple decide they want to marry.  I can’t help thinking it’s a better way of doing it, since there isn’t all this uncertainty about ‘he’s going to propose sometime in the next 12 months but when?’!  But I guess if you’re going to do it that way, then you have to live with a little frustration during the waiting time.

Post # 4
Member
39 posts
Newbee

When he said he’d propose by the end of this year, was that 2020 (which already ended) or 2021? Has he missed your deadline yet or not? 1 year is fairly early in the relationship; if you plan is to leave at 2 years if he doesn’t propose, that’s a good plan.

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Have you told him how you feel? As it could be a good idea to have a sit down and discuss how you’re feeling and any thought or areas where you’d like a bit more clarity. I think sometimes the thought of “when” makes the whole process and experience stressful.

I can only go by my experience. I got engaged last year and I told my other half that I had anxiety about certain aspects of getting engaged (mainly that I hate surprises, and that I wanted to be a part of choosing the ring etc.) I think he was relieved as it took some of the pressure off as he knew I didn’t want anything theatrical and I was more happy with the fact that he wanted to marry me and could see a long term future with me.

x

Post # 7
Member
1693 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@honestjar456:  You told him you expected him to know within a year. Why are you giving him a 2nd year? You need to have an honest conversation with him about if and when you want to be married, and then work backward from there with respect to booking the venue (if relevant) and the proposal.

Post # 8
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

When I was waiting for my husband to propose I felt excitement and impatience but I always felt certain he’d do it. If you’re not certain then it’s either 1) because you have reason to be nervous or 2) you’re not over past heartbreak/ disappointment. 

If you can honestly say this man has never lied to you and that he treats you with love and respect then I’d say your problem is the latter. 

Post # 10
Member
1693 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@honestjar456:  Why does he need a year to propose? Actions speak louder than words. If he wants to have children soon, it would be in his best interest to propose and plan a wedding early.

Post # 13
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The logistics you state (ie ring size and asking your father) aren’t really that huge, in my opinion. He doesn’t need to know your ring size to propose with a ring. My husband bought a ring in secret and proposed to me with it. It was too small so I took it back to the jeweler to get resized. It’s not really a big deal.

also does he know you want him to ask your father ? Would it matter if he didn’t ?

if he’s usually pretty honest about his decisions and you trust him to follow through, then congrats you’ll probably be engaged this year ! If you’ve set a deadline of end of 2021 for proposal and he doesn’t do it, then make sure you follow through and end the relationship. And make sure he knows this, which it sounds like he does. 

 

Post # 14
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2022

My now fiancé gave me “a year from today” last June… he said he had an idea when he wanted to do it but gave ME the whole year to expect it so I would be surprised! Yours may be doing the same. He ended up proposing 6 months later in December. It took him 2+ months to get the ring supposedly also, since the diamond was cut custom and the setting was made custom. And yeah, he needed a few months to save (we have kids, are renovating our home, and there is no fast way to come up with money under those circumstances!!) COVID also thwarted his plan as businesses had reopened, he made plans, and then they closed on a three day notice so he had to come up with plan B! So… many things could make him say “within a year”, and I would trust him. It’s hard if you’ve had prior trust issues ever in your life, but this is the man you want to marry. Definitely trust him, and think of ways to distract yourself. I started a half marathon training plan to stay busy (as if momming and working doesn’t keep me busy enough). It helped keep my mind off engagement. And… just tell him your ring size since you know it’s within the year!

Post # 15
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t see any issue here. It sounds like he’s been open and communicative, and you have a timeline. If anything, I personally would be a little uncomfortable basically agreeing to get married after just a year of dating, since you’re still in the honeymoon period. But I do understand about age and fertility. I got divorced at 32 and remarried and pregnant (first kid) at 36, so been there done that. 

Just because some men can be scumbags doesn’t mean they all are. It sounds like he’s a good guy who wants to marry you and you have agreed on a timeline. I wouldn’t go looking for trouble when you don’t have a reason to 🙂 

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