(Closed) Please help!

posted 9 years ago in Military
Post # 3
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think I would still plan a wedding if it is that important to your family.  Congrats on the elopement!

Post # 4
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well first off- just brace yourself.  they might be sad at first, so you should expect that.  however, i think it would be a really nice gesture if you asked your parents if they’d like some sort of celebration to be a part of- and you could do one of those “vow renewal” thingies if you want, too, so they can see you say your vows and all that jazz.  plus, the ball is in their court in terms of contributions- if THEY want something big and fancy, it’s up to them to make it happen…ya know?

Post # 5
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

As someone who just got legally married because of a bad combination of draconian marriage license rules and a very inconveniently timed (short) deployment just before our planned formal wedding – I can say that it’s nearly impossible to keep a secret wedding a secret.  And believe me, they will be much more upset to find out if you let it slip than if you just tell them.

But a piece of advice, you WILL get people criticizing you for having two weddings.  Ignore it. I’ve had people tell me I should cancel the already planned wedding.  For us, though, as Christians, a “religious” wedding is very important to us.  And funny thing, if we’d have NOT gotten legally married first, they would have been complaining we had a religious ceremony without a marriage license!

Oh, and one last thing, it’s not impossible to plan a big wedding when he’s in the military. We’re doing it – we just had a short engagement to make sure he’d be around (you know, minus that lovely deployment smack dab in the middle of the marriage license validity period).  Seriously, though, you can do it.

Post # 6
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

why cant you get engaged now and get married in sept/oct/etc ??

Post # 7
581 posts
Busy bee

It may be easier to tell your parents that you are married and ask them their thoughts on having a reception when you can schedule a date.  Explain the official duty and deployment considerations and the reasoning behind your elopement.

Congratulations on your marriage.  I’m sure your parents will be happy for you and your husband.  Best wishes.

Post # 8
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s important to be honest with your family – otherwise you’ll be ‘hiding’ the ‘secret’ (or rather the truth) about your marriage for the rest of your lives! If it were my family, I know they’d rather I be honest with them, even if that honesty hurts. Were I in your shoes, I would present it in that way – “We know that this is hard to hear, but we’d rather be honest with everyone now and not hide it in a misguided effort to spare feelings by lying.” and be honest about why you decided to go ahead with the marriage when you did – “We got wrapped up in a fit of passion, and it seemed so much simpler to just get married right away, so we eloped. We still want to have a wedding when we can, but we know it might be awhile, and couldn’t wait for the big ceremony to be togehter!”

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 9
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be more hurt by the fact that you LIED about getting married & planned some elaborate scheme, then actually not being there. Just my two pennies…

Post # 11
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@apureflame14: let us know how it goes, okay?

Post # 12
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

so why didn’t you tell your family you were eloping? Perhaps your immediate family would have wanted to bear witness to their only child marrying. Not to sound harsh, but of course your family is going to be hurt. I think being honest is a good thing to be and respect you for that. It’s definitley a sticky situation. let us know how it goes.. 

Post # 13
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

HEY! Welcome to the great state of South Carolina! 🙂 First of all, congrats! Let your family know…sure-they will be hurt, but explain your reasons. AND-then why not get to planning your wedding for sometime between September-Feb??? if what you want is a wedding…do it! You don’t have to inform everyone-just your family that you are married already. If you don’t want a big wedding-don’t have one. If you do-go for it! If it is what you really want..if you don’t do it, you’ll regret it! You can’t consider everyone’s schedule. Of course consider your immediate family, and attendants–but JUST PICK A DATE..and go with it! If they can be there they can…if you are important to them-they’ll do all they can! Good Luck! 🙂

Post # 14
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow. We are kind of eloping before the big day. He will be back from deployment soon but got orders to pcs elsewhere. He has to move exactly 20 days after our wedding date. Everything was planned and deposits paid so… we are eloping two months prior to the big wedding. I have two kids from a previous marriage and we will really need the extra time to do paperwork, transfer schools and all that jazz prior to the BIG wedding. I just hope it doesn’t take away from the big day.

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