Post # 1
Here is our story..
I just moved up to South Carolina to be with my boyfriend. Everyone knows that we are going to get married at some point, but we just couldn’t wait anymore (plus he is in the NAVY and things are MUCH MUCH easier if you are married) and we eloped just a few weeks ago. Thing is, NO ONE knows…only my best friend. We haven’t told our close friends or family. We are debating whether to even have a wedding (he deploys next year but has official duty from now until September so we can’t have a wedding until then and he begins duty again in Feb until deployment..needless to say, its near impossible to plan a “big” wedding while he’s in the military) so the other option was to just tell our nearest and dearest that we eloped and send out wedding annoucements to the rest of the family.
I’m afraid my father will be hurt since I’m an only child and he never got to walk me down the aisle…but I just want all this secrecy to be over. Even if we did have a bigger wedding, it would be so hectic trying to arrange everyones schedule since we have our closest family all over the United States (EXCEPT in South Carolina).
What should we do? Should we just tell our parents…”hey we actually got married months ago” or get “engaged” come September when everyone thinks it will be happening and tell our parents we dont want to have a wedding. Ah I’m so confused and it’s so difficult to make a decision. My husband supports whatever I want to do.
Post # 3
I think I would still plan a wedding if it is that important to your family. Congrats on the elopement!
Post # 4
well first off- just brace yourself. they might be sad at first, so you should expect that. however, i think it would be a really nice gesture if you asked your parents if they’d like some sort of celebration to be a part of- and you could do one of those “vow renewal” thingies if you want, too, so they can see you say your vows and all that jazz. plus, the ball is in their court in terms of contributions- if THEY want something big and fancy, it’s up to them to make it happen…ya know?
Post # 5
As someone who just got legally married because of a bad combination of draconian marriage license rules and a very inconveniently timed (short) deployment just before our planned formal wedding – I can say that it’s nearly impossible to keep a secret wedding a secret. And believe me, they will be much more upset to find out if you let it slip than if you just tell them.
But a piece of advice, you WILL get people criticizing you for having two weddings. Ignore it. I’ve had people tell me I should cancel the already planned wedding. For us, though, as Christians, a “religious” wedding is very important to us. And funny thing, if we’d have NOT gotten legally married first, they would have been complaining we had a religious ceremony without a marriage license!
Oh, and one last thing, it’s not impossible to plan a big wedding when he’s in the military. We’re doing it – we just had a short engagement to make sure he’d be around (you know, minus that lovely deployment smack dab in the middle of the marriage license validity period). Seriously, though, you can do it.
Post # 6
why cant you get engaged now and get married in sept/oct/etc ??
Post # 7
It may be easier to tell your parents that you are married and ask them their thoughts on having a reception when you can schedule a date. Explain the official duty and deployment considerations and the reasoning behind your elopement.
Congratulations on your marriage. I’m sure your parents will be happy for you and your husband. Best wishes.
Post # 8
I think it’s important to be honest with your family – otherwise you’ll be ‘hiding’ the ‘secret’ (or rather the truth) about your marriage for the rest of your lives! If it were my family, I know they’d rather I be honest with them, even if that honesty hurts. Were I in your shoes, I would present it in that way – “We know that this is hard to hear, but we’d rather be honest with everyone now and not hide it in a misguided effort to spare feelings by lying.” and be honest about why you decided to go ahead with the marriage when you did – “We got wrapped up in a fit of passion, and it seemed so much simpler to just get married right away, so we eloped. We still want to have a wedding when we can, but we know it might be awhile, and couldn’t wait for the big ceremony to be togehter!”
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 9
I would be more hurt by the fact that you LIED about getting married & planned some elaborate scheme, then actually not being there. Just my two pennies…
Post # 10
Thank you everyone for all of your comments, I really appreciate it 🙂
Post # 11
@apureflame14: let us know how it goes, okay?
Post # 12
so why didn’t you tell your family you were eloping? Perhaps your immediate family would have wanted to bear witness to their only child marrying. Not to sound harsh, but of course your family is going to be hurt. I think being honest is a good thing to be and respect you for that. It’s definitley a sticky situation. let us know how it goes..
Post # 13
HEY! Welcome to the great state of South Carolina! 🙂 First of all, congrats! Let your family know…sure-they will be hurt, but explain your reasons. AND-then why not get to planning your wedding for sometime between September-Feb??? if what you want is a wedding…do it! You don’t have to inform everyone-just your family that you are married already. If you don’t want a big wedding-don’t have one. If you do-go for it! If it is what you really want..if you don’t do it, you’ll regret it! You can’t consider everyone’s schedule. Of course consider your immediate family, and attendants–but JUST PICK A DATE..and go with it! If they can be there they can…if you are important to them-they’ll do all they can! Good Luck! 🙂
Post # 14
Wow. We are kind of eloping before the big day. He will be back from deployment soon but got orders to pcs elsewhere. He has to move exactly 20 days after our wedding date. Everything was planned and deposits paid so… we are eloping two months prior to the big wedding. I have two kids from a previous marriage and we will really need the extra time to do paperwork, transfer schools and all that jazz prior to the BIG wedding. I just hope it doesn’t take away from the big day.