(Closed) please help?

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7660 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Unfortnately it does sound like he’s pulling back, but it’s impossible to know any more than that from the info you’ve provided. You’ve only been a couple for 3-4 months if my math is correct, so it could very well be that he’s putting the brakes on because he’s realizing he’s not ready for a serious relationship (especially a long distane one). But again who knows. All I do know is that at 3-4 months things should not be hard–you should be coasting along in honeymoon bliss.

Why don’t you call him and just straight up ask what’s going on? 

Post # 3
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

wonderinggirl:  

I have to agree, it sounds like he is doing the “fade”…as the PP mentioned, you should just straight up ask him, BUT – be prepared…sometimes people aren’t totally honest about their feelings – they don’t want to cut you loose if they don’t have someone else lined up, aren’t 100% sure, etc…but usually when this starts happening early in a relationship, it is the beginning of the end…

I am sorry – heartbreak at any point is so difficult, but when you are younger, you don’t have the experience, so it is often a little harder…don’t worry, you will meet someone else who will reciprocate your feelings 🙂

Post # 4
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

I will have to agree as well. I am sure he cares about you but perhaps is not able to have a long distance relationship. You should express and be honest to him how you feel. You deserve to be happy and I am sure there are genuine guys that live near you. 

Post # 5
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Have you spoken to him?

He could be pulling back or he could be going through something (work or family) and he withdraws a little when he is going through something. You won’t know unless you talk to him. Ask him if he’s ok, you’ve noticed he’s been a bit distant.

If he is distancing himself from you then he should be man enough to tell you when you ask and if he can’t be honest then he isn’t worth the time or energy. Call him and go from there.

Post # 6
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you are putting a lot of stock into this relationship.  Which I understand, this is your first relationship ever.  Based off of what you put here though it sounds like you are a.) reading into this a LOT and b.) your expectations are that his life revolves around you.  Which again…I get it since this is your first relationship.

The thing with long distance is that you also have to have a life outside of your SO and you really can’t expect his life to revolve around you.  Say it shows he is online…maybe he is doing something else.  Maybe he is away from his computer or phone.  Maybe he is talking to a friend.  My first relationship was also long distance and I remember feeling the way you are feeling.  Wanting him to respond right then and there, not sure what to think when he just said “hi”…  Eventually we got into a groove that worked, but it did take some adjustment on my part.  I had to adjust my expectations.

The last thing: you can’t overanalyze this.  Trust is the basis of a long distance relationship and if you get freaked out at these basic things (him not calling you honey for example), it’s not going to work.  You have to adjust your expectations so they are reasonable.

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