(Closed) PLEASE HELP

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s a little difficult to give advice if we don’t know what the root of the issue was (i.e. what you initially blew up about). You had every right to be upset about seeing a sent email to his ex and you just made a mistake by not noticing the date. I would just apologize again and tell him you weren’t in a good place and had a minor (or major?) meltdown. Hopefully everything works out for you! 

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should just tell him how you feel. Let him know you’re sorry for flipping out and that you should have thought about it deeper before flipping. I really also think that if you’re feeling the need to go through his email, you have some issues that need to be dealt with, insecurity, jealousy ect. Maybe individual counselling can help you get through that. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are seeking help, so I’ll try my best: I want you to know that you are not alone. I, too, have moments of insecurity and my trust issues stem from past relationships. Just last night, I checked my husband’s text messages while he was in the shower. I knew it was wrong while I was doing it, but I guess old habits die hard.

Try not to beat yourself up about it too much as it was an honest mistake. Besides, if he was trying to tell an ex to back off, it’s simple “back off”. Not “great to hear from you!!!” or some other nicety he spouted. You can also easily block people or create a whole new email address which is what my hubby and I both did when we met. No longer did we need singles ads or ex’s from the past bothering us on email.

I love that you think so highly of your partner (as well you should because it’s not every man who says it’s ok to go through his email – we got it good – my man is the same as yours)….BUT love yourself too and tell youself that if you didn’t have some reason to worry or be scared you would NOT have freaked out.

Who did you call at 3: am? I assume you don’t live with your boyfriend? Did you call him at 3:00 am? Don’t worry about it ! I would have to.

And telling his ex he is in a relationship to me, is not the same as telling her he is engaged or about to be engaged, so again, don’t just beat yourself up.

Tell him you are sorry you freaked, but he is making you feel uncomfortable and you both need to discuss it  as you love him very much.

I usually do the “reverse question thing”. For example: (insert your boyfriend’s name here) would YOU be ok with me emailing my ex’s? See how he replies to that.

Calm down, don’t worry and remember, we all go nuts once in a while.

ETA: If he ends it, the love he feels for you is not enough to get you both through a little freak out? What happens when “thick and thin” challenges both of you in marriage?

Post # 9
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ya don’t be so hard on yourself. Hopefully my previous msg didn’t seem like I was attacking you, because like  ItalianLady said, you’re not alone. Trust me when I say I have serious insecurities. But if you do find that you are feeling like this often and it pushed you to a point to freak out, the counselling would really be something of a benefit.

Also, if he is willing to break it off over one arguement, he’s probably not the one youre meant to be with. Couples go through ups and downs all the time, so you guys should be able to work through it.

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Bumping this up for the OP. It’s unfortunate that when a fellow bee needs help and comfort, the post gets ignored or falls too low on the boards to be seen again. I know everyone is busy with thanksgiving but if anyone is on today, please offer your words.

Post # 11
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ItalianLady: I agree with that, I find some bees (not all bees) are only willing to comment on posts with drama or posts from “popular” bees.

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@tranquility: Yes, but our OP stated she is writing ingognito. She may very well be a “Popular bee”. At least we’re here for her tranquility ! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@pleasehelp: LOL ! You’re welcome and trust me, I have freaked out more than once. But I know I found my soul mate because unlike other “little boys” who run at the first freak out, my hubby takes that opportunity to grab me by the shoulders and look straight in my eyes and tell me I am the only one for him for eternity.

Please try to update us on the situation !

Post # 16
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@pleasehelp: We’re “old school Catholic” too ! But at any religion, marriage should be forever. otherwise, what the heck is the point? So yeah, No one likes fighting or freaking out, but what should happen from this is that your boyfriend should learn how to be more respectful of your feelings. Maybe I didn’t say that right: What I mean is, if the ex means nothing (and I hope she dosen’t !) block her from the email dude ! Show your current love (you) that you care only about her.

If he does make you feel small or little or stupid when he sees you today, calmly tell him that you will talk after thanksgiving. Show him you can be calm. What you are really saying is “I love you, but I love myself too and if you can’t stand by me because of what happened last night, how does that bode well for the rest of our lives?”

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