(Closed) Please Help!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Soon2bMrs.S:  What sort of things is she doing? Is she constantly calling/e-mailing? Or is this coming up when you are discussing the wedding with her?

You could maybe say something like, “I appreciate the suggestion but we actually already have that under control” or, if it’s something you are still working on, “We’ve got some other ideas as well but we’ll think about that one”.

Is there any job/project you could ask for her help with now so that she feels included but isn’t bugging you all the time?

 

Post # 4
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You can stop telling her the details… or if she really wants to participate, can you give her a “project” to work on?  She’ll feel involved but it will keep her busy…

When she asks you something, like “Hey, would you like to wear my old wedding dress?” politely respond with something like “Oh, that is just so sweet of you!  I appreciate it but I’ve already found my dress/my mother is really hoping I’ll wear hers/whatever”

Let her know you appreciate her help & opinions, but politely deflect any suggestions if she brings something up.

You could also try the “bean dip” method:

her “You know, you should really go with ‘xyz’ type of flower”

you “I appreciate the suggestion.  Have you tried this bean dip? It’s delicious!”

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is the DJ all she is paying for? If so, I would have your Fiance deal with her. It’s honestly not your job, it’s his. She probably won’t listen to you anyway judging from her personality. He could say something like “Mom, we want a significant part in selecting the music, so please consider our choices and make sure we are there for big decisions. It’s important to me.”

For other details, honestly, many moms are that way. They love to give advice. I would suggest you start learning how to ignore her. Expect to be cut off all the time and just learn to nod and smile and ignore. If she tries to get in your business, just tell her that you will happily consider her suggestion in your and FI’s decision making process. 

Post # 8
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Soon2bMrs.S:  I dunno, that is a really sticky situation. If your Fiance can’t stand up to her, I don’t see how you’ll be able to get through to her in a way that actually has impact. I would seriously consider sitting down and talking to your Fiance about 1) the money issue (that’s effed up if his parents were supposed to pay X amount and now are only paying for the DJ) and 2) that it’s making you stressed how Future Mother-In-Law is trying to edge into planning. At the very least, he should be giving you a supportive shoulder and should be helping you figure out a way around all of this. It sounds to me like you are battling it all on your own, and that is not what teamwork or a marriage is about. It’s your feelings he should be worried about more than his mom’s…so hopefully the both of you can deal with this together instead of JUST you.

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Soon2bMrs.S:  There are subtle ways you can take control. As for the DJ, I would ask her for the list of DJ’s she is talking to and tell her you plan on meeting with them. If she throws a fit, explain to her you have no issue finding a DJ on your own in a nice way.

When she calls asking about wedding stuff, don’t give her a lot of information. Just say “planning is going well thank you” “My mother and I are planning well” and then if she asks for a specific thing just learn to say “We are still thinking about that” or “we have that covered”. Learn to repeat it ad naseaum. I did and after a while questions will stop.

How says you have to answer her calls *grin* I would let her call and then call her back the next day and say “oops I have to go that’s my boss/mother/father/vendor on the other line”

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