(Closed) Please help: about inviting/not inviting

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s kind of weird, honestly. I say if you’re keeping it small then just keep it small. You can’t flip-flop between wanting a small private dinner but having more people in the church. You can’t have it both ways I don’t think. Unless the people in question who would be invited only to the ceremony legitimately wouldn’t care, but I can’t imagine that would be true.

Post # 4
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Hmmm I honestly don’t think you should invite people to the wedding that aren’t going to a reception afterwards, but is there anyway you can have a quickie punch and cake reception in the basement or the fellowship hall and after that is over go out with your immediate family for dinner?

Post # 6
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Understandably, your mom is probably just feeling awkward, since she’s not going to know how to respond to people who are going to be asking her about the wedding. Definitely stand your position, which, frankly, I think is the way to go. Quiet, quiet, quiet, and don’t invite people to the ceremony if you’re not going to invite them to the dinner.

Post # 8
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t see any reason why people can’t be invited to the ceremony if they’e from close by.  If you’re inviting people from out of town then I would think it a bit rude not to invite them to anything else if they are putting in the effort to come see you, but for people close by, I really don’t see why anyone would be offended, though that makes the invitations kinda tricky.

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I think crebre80’s suggestion is a good one about having a quick cake and punch reception.  People are coming to celebrate with you, and I think most would be disappointed to just go to a ceremony and that’s it.

If you are having a Catholic mass, you can probably have it at 2pm (at least that is the time that most churches in my area offer) and your reception over by 5 or 6.  Then you and your immediate families can go to dinner afterwards.

My fiance made a (slightly offensive but true) statement the other day, which is hat the ceremony is the boring part that people just sit through in order to get the free food.  It may put things in perspective to know that many people feel that way 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hmmm, I really don’t see how you can invite people all the way from Florida and then not take them out to dinner.  What about doing an at home wedding so you can invite at least out of town family, and close friends and family can provide the food?

Post # 12
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@luli29: would you have a problem with them attending the dinner if they pay and then maybe having a cake or something for them? i’m not sure if you can say yeah you can come to the ceremony but no sorry not the reception. I don’t think they should be invited if they can’t do both, but i am also a prude on a lot of things. i do have a client that changed the info on the invite and removed the “reception immediately following” portion so that people could attend the ceremony. i disagreed with her choice, but in the end it was her choice.  what do you feel is proper in your situation?

Post # 13
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sorry, not wedding, but reception/small celebration.

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can see why your mom wants to invite more people. A big church with a small wedding can be kind of empty, and your mom just wants to show you off to as many people as possible! However, you really shouldn’t invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.

Can you have a compromise? If there’s a function room at the church (which there usually is), you could have a simple cake and punch reception right after the ceremony, then have the small restaurant dinner later on. If you buy the cake at Costco and make the punch yourselves, you can do this for very little money, and this way you can invite more people to the ceremony. Everybody wins!

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