(Closed) Please Help Bachelorette Party Etiquette

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

In my circle of friends and family, everyone going to the bachelorette no matter where it is, pays for the bride to be. 

It sucks, but that’s how it goes for us.  I spent about $800 in 4 days in Ft. Lauderdale when we did this for my cousins wedding.

I will not let my bridesmaids or party attendants do this for me, it’s waaaaay out of control

 

Post # 4
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

When I’ve gone to destination bachelorette parties, the bride pays for her travel and hotel costs and the bridesmaids pick up the tab for the food, alcohol and entertainments.

Post # 5
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Typically, the bridesmaids (or whoever is planning) treat the bride-to-be.  That said, the Maid/Matron of Honor should not be planning an expensive destination bachelorette without your input unless she intends to pay for the whole thing herself.

Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m with Meowkers.  I think it’s fair for the bride to pay for her travel expenses (I would have felt uncomfortable having my girls cover this for me).. but the bridesmaids cover any costs incurred while on the trip.

Post # 7
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree that the wedding party should pay for the bride.  If the bride offers to pay then that is nice, but the Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t plan something so extravagent that no one can afford it.  Even if the bride pays for travel then the girls should still pick up the tab for food etc.

Post # 8
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

When I went to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party the bride to be paid for her air fair and we split the hotel room for her.  We treated her to one night out, but other than that she picked up her own cost for everything and was totally fine with it.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think the bride should pay her own way. Everyone else is already paying an exhorbant amount of money for her little vacation. Whenever i’ve done destination bachelorette parties, she paid her own way, including hotel. Now, it’s one thing if you want to pick up her meal or drink on occassion, but there is a line. I could never let my girls give me an entirely free trip (For me) at their expense, but I’m all for taking them up on a beer or two. I could never ever let them pick up my hotel and flight, though. I’d feel weird.

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think you need to figure out how much you would be able to spend and communicate that to the MoH.  Then whatever she plans, whether she wants you to chip in for the bride or not, she will have to keep your budget in mind.  If it turns out that you can’t afford it, remember you are not required to go.  Just tell the bride how sorry you are to miss it and maybe take her out on your own for a special day together or something instead.

Post # 11
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you can only expect the Bride to help contribute to her cost if she’s on-board with the plan and/or it was her idea.  You can’t plan some extravagant party and then ask her to pay her way, you know?

My husband just got back from a 5-day Bachelor Party to Chicago and they six guys paid for everything and the groom wasn’t expected to pay a dime.  I think he ended up contributing to food and drinks at some point, only because he wanted to.  They each spent like $500 or something.

I’m also the Maid/Matron of Honor planning a NYC weekend for a bachelorette party and I don’t expect the Bride to pay anything.  I’ve been very upfront with all the girls invited on the costs and have limited our outings to things THEY are willing to pay for and contribute to for the bride.  The bride shouldn’t have to pay a dime, especially if she’s not in on the plans.

Post # 12
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Before the Maid/Matron of Honor gets too deep into planning an extravagant event, all of the bridesmaids need to get together to discuss budget.  I was just in a wedding where a semi-destination bachelorette party was planned (no airfare but a weekend at a hotel) and everyone was on board with splitting the cost five ways until numbers were crunched.  One by one, after things were booked, girls started dropping out.  This, in turn, made costs increase for those of us who were still participating.  It was a mess.

Post # 13
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning a “destination” bachelorette (might be like AC for the weekend) and I’m planning on paying my own way. I don’t think they should have to pay for everything (although I am expecting free drinks!).

Post # 14
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I think for any bachelorette party the bride shouldnt have to pay for anything.  So that would leave you paying for your trip and the best option would be to split the cost of the bride going between all the other girls who are going.  However, is it the Brides decision or the MOH’s decision to do the destination party?  Thats REALLY expensive so if its the Brides choice I dont think she should expect people to pay for her other than to take care of a night or something.

Post # 15
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Yes you should get into contact with the Maid/Matron of Honor and see if all the bridal party can coordinate and figure out details for the bachelorette party. Since it will be pretty pricey to do this you all need to have a plan of action and budget.

Seeing that this is a destination bachelorette where costs are going to run high, I don’t think the bridal party should be responsible for paying for bride’s entire way. Personally I would not want my friends to contribute anything, just their presence and agreeing to go is enough for me. However, if you really want to contribute maybe you can chip in for one aspect of the trip. For instance, split the cost for her airfare or hotel… possibly a spa day or a really nice bachelorette dinner.. That would be something nice you all could do.

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