I’m glad to help 🙂
I think your plan of being honest about your ongoing misgivings and directly asking about a refund is a good one. It is hard to go wrong with honesty. With my jeweler, I sent an email that read: “Thanks so much for the pictures, and everything. I don’t really know how to say this, but here goes: I am having seriously cold feet, I don’t think this is the ring that I want. I am not sure what exactly I do want right now, but it may be a lot closer to a conventional prong-set solitaire than I ever would have thought I wanted. I feel miserable, you’ve been SO helpful, and I love your work, but… I’m just wracked with indecision, and I don’t think that is a good sign. I’m so, so sorry… I feel quite terrible for doing this to you.” The jeweler was very kind, and said I could have a full credit toward anther ring from her shop, or a setting from Stuller.com. I think a lot of jewlers have access to the Stuller settings, so that could be an option that you have/could ask about.
Regarding the refund, I asked in my next email, “May I ask what the total fees you would charge me will be in the event of a refund?” I chose a refund, and paid $710 in labor and shipping fees (the ring’s wax mold was pretty much completed, and they had 4 diamonds around 3/4 carat shipped in for me to decide from). THe fees were quite a bit more than I had hoped, and, although I don’t regret changing my mind and ending up with my dream ring, I AM embarrassed at what my indecision cost.
I’m so glad that your SO is being great 🙂 Everything is better with a supportive SO! It sounds like you have a few good options; that is great for peace of mind that you know the jeweler has a “back-up” ring that you like. If I were you, I would not jump into deciding on another ring right away, but I would take pictures of rings you like (the other one from that jeweler, the one from Scott Kay, and anything else you really love) on YOUR HAND and try to figure out what their common features are. Make a list of those features and don’t settle for a ring without them. I decided I wanted a ring that was delicate, solitaire, 6 or 8 prong, low-set, with engraved details, that would have a small gap with a straight wedding band, with a shank that either tapered or flared toward the stone. The only point I ended up compromising on was the low setting I wanted (and I actually love my ring just as it is, medium-height setting and all). But, as you can see, my list was super-specific about the features that I wanted, and it helped me avoid a few rings I that I loved, but that I might not love as my “forever ring.” There are a million pretty rings, and they can’t all be mine 😉
Another thing that really helped me figure out what I wanted in a ring was trying on rings with wedding bands and taking pictures. It can be easy to forget you will be wearing a wedding band next to the ring someday, when you’re caught up in the excitement of ring shopping. (This, of course, only applies if you are heartset on wearing your engagement ring and wedding band together most of the time, as I am.) I found the look of a wedding band REALLY changes the look of an engagement ring, and the looks I prefer in a solo ring are NOT what I prefer in my engagement ring. I love my ring to pieces, but in all honesty it looks the tiniest bit “naked” without a band next to it, and that is just how I wanted it. I will be wearing this ring solo for only another handful of months, but I will be wearing it next to a wedding band for the rest of my life!
I’m sorry your custom ring didn’t turn out as you’d hoped (it sounds like your problem really stems from that, rather than simple indecision). Thank you for posting the picture… it is a pretty ring, but I would not be happy with it if it were my engagement ring. The sides do seem bulky with that extra space, and I prefer more delicate halos… The whole ring seems like it should be more delicate, to me. (Although I do have a bias for delicate rings!) I am also someone who is bothered by little irregularities like your non-matching diamond shapes in the head, and the handcarving aspect was one hesitation among many concerning my custom ring.
Anyways, do not give up hope! Your perfect ring is out there, and I believe you will find it 🙂 I hope your talk with the jeweler goes smoothly!