Post # 1
I do not quite have a dilemma yet but I can just sense one coming…and I KNOW it will come. SO, as unfortunate as it may be, I am coming here before that actually happens for a little advice. I am 22 years old and am a senior in college. I am not engaged yet but my boyfriend and I are very committed and very much on the same page and have talked future together. I am now beginning to get a sense (aka I can pretty much tell he is going to pop the question before we graduate this spring) While people know we are very serious, I don’t think anybody has any clue it is going to come now–I think most of my friends think “one day down the road” we will but would never imagine that we would get engaged so soon.
So the problem is that my friends and I are in very different places. I feel like I am more mature than them and am just completely in a different spot in my life. I will hear my roommates even talk about people who have got engaged and say “that is so dumb to get engaged now” “ugh why would you ever want to get married” “we are so young” (this is all in reaction to engagements they hear about of other people they may know” and I kind of sit there holding my breath because I just know that I am going to be next and here they are judging all these other people who they have no right to do so! Knowing how my friends are I know they will have 101 things to say about it when it happens to me and I just dont get it, and why they have to be so concerned about other people’s lives. If a couple is happy thats all that matters…not what they think is right or what they would do…or blah blah blah.
I guess I am just holding my breath because I know the types of reactions my friends are going to have whenever this engagement happens because they think they know everything. Its just a bit disheartening to know this is how people are going to react and look at me like im crazy when in reality this should be a joyous and exciting time. So has anyone else had problems with this age stigma? I wish people could just get over this already and focus on the important part: the couple, the love they share, and that each individual relationship is different. When will people realize that just because you are 30 doesnt mean you will have a lasting and meaningful relationship
Post # 3
Haha there are a number of threads about this. My favorite reaction to “Yeah, we’re getting married,” “No you’re not.” *disbelieving look*
Just ignore their reactions. There are a lot of early 20-year-olds who are really mature and at that stage where we are ready to “settle down” (although my fiancé and I really don’t consider it settling). There are also a lot of people in their 30’s who don’t want marriage or aren’t ready for it.
Just ignore their negativity and focus on the positives, like your soon-to-be fiancé 🙂
Post # 4
@caseybop1: I know how you feel, although from a different situation. I had my daughter when I was 22, and it made me feel like I lived on a different planet from the rest of my friends. I felt more mature, more responsible, and more capable than they seemed to be. And I got a lot of, “Uh, are you crazy, you can”t be a mom now!” when I first told them I was pregnant. And I just said, “Well, yeah, I can.” Not that my daughter was planned, but as soon as I knew I was preggers I realized I had to step up and change my life so I could be a good parent. And it just felt like my friends were years behind me maturity-wise.
The cool thing was, my friends eventually came around and got excited – especially when they got to go shopping for baby things, ha.
So, if your friends have a negative reaction to your engagement, just remember that both you and your SO know that you’re ready for this and can make it work. And hopefully, once your friends see how well you two are doing, they’ll come around and realize that an early engagement wasn’t a mistake. 🙂
Post # 5
Hubs and I got together when I was 20, engaged at 23, married at 25. We were the first in our group to get married, and we heard it all. But you know, until they have the same thing, they will never understand. So just laugh it off and continue on with your life, and come here to vent about it of course 🙂
Post # 6
I’m 24 and had similar comments, not from friends but from my sisters. Yeah it sucks that they’re negative on the subject but at the end of the day you know what you two have and that’s all that really matters. Eventually they’ll be on board and if not, they aren’t really your friends 🙂 Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 7
You guys are exactly right. I think I will just need to learn to laugh and off and think to myself “you guys have no idea so why should I care” and go about my merry way. I just cannot see putting a timeline on a relationship just because society has set limits on what an appropriate age is. Not to sound morbid, but I always think about how life isn’t guaranteed and how nobody knows what will tomorrow bring. What you have could always be unexpectedly taken away;thats why you cant sit around waiting just because people don’t’ agree or think you’re too young. When you find the person you are meant to be with and you know that with uncertainty you have to go with that and enjoy what is in your life because you never know when it may be gone.
Post # 8
I got engaged a few weeks before I turned 20, and I’ll be 21 when we get married. I guess I honestly don’t care what other people think, I know we’re ready and so does my Fiance. Some people think we’re crazy, but a lot of people are really supportive. For the few people who say anything rude and don’t keep it to themselves, we just make it clear we aren’t going to sit around and listen to insults, and they either stop or we don’t hang out with them anymore. I think confidence is key- if you don’t let it get to you, people will take you seriously and won’t say anything.
I’m in college too by the way, technically a junior but I skipped a year for financial reasons so I still have two to go. We’re getting married before I graduate. When you do get engaged make sure to share the story and ring pics! 🙂