- 4 years ago
Long story short. (I’ll try my best)
My boyfriend and I talked and agreed that we both wanted to get married last Feb (2013). But first he wanted to ask my parents for permission. We live together on the west coast, but both grew up on the east coast. He visited the east coast in April (2013) and talked to my parents then and got permission. My hopes were up, I was so excited, on cloud 9…and I waited and waited (thinking it was going to happen within a month of him returning home) I told him I was super antsy and asked how soon. He told me by his birthday (which is the end of July). Well, July came but mid July he had to go visit his Mom back east because she needed to get treatment for her lyme disease. I was understanding of course, but with all my aniticapation, and knowing he was going to be gone at least a month, asked him about the proposal. He said of course it’s still on. His visit turned into more than 2 months away…during that time a depression came over me so bad, I was isolated, and feeling so low, no confidence whatsoever and my insecurities were sky high about this proposal happening. It wasn’t just the waiting, having it on my mind everyday, being isolated and him being away…but also because the last relationship he was in was a 6 year relationship, where she actually asked Him and he said no. I basically had a nervous breakdown and major depression last summer. Major drama ensued, and I am so ashamed now that I talked about it with my cousin, friends and now have most likely this stigma of the “girl that is pressuring him” instead of being “the girl he can’t wait to marry” That alone was and is soul crushing. It was never supposed to be this way. We started out in such a fairy tale way…and now that is gone. We have both stayed knowing that we love each other and want this to work. And he swears not only to me, but my mom that it will happen. My birthday fell on Thanksgiving and we went to Vegas, I thought it would happen then…but nope. He again, said that he “wouldn’t let me go home for the holidays without a ring on my finger, and wouldn’t embarras me like that in front of my parents”. And again…no proposal. A big arugment occured the night before the flight and I told him I couldn’t do this anymore…I was hurting myself too much staying and I had to end this limbo hell that was instigating my depression. He tried to propose right then with no ring and I refused knowing that this isn’t the way it should be (I want him to do it because he wants to, not because I’m crying about it) he agreed and said he would get a ring so beautiful to pass on to our granchildren. He told my Mom when we were visiting over Chirstmas break that it was def still going to happen, but that he doesn’t like fighting over it. Since then, I have not brought it up AT ALL. Not once. And still nothing. I guess, I’m desperate at this point to hear from anyone out there who is waiting too, because I know absolutely no one who is or has had to wait. I just feel so low, and like such a loser with all this waiting and not knowing. I feel like this has damaged the realtionship and made me resentful and short with him. He once wooed me and was so romantic and excited about me. I don’t know how to bring that back. I went to a psych today, and got a prescrip for anti-depressants. So I hope that helps turn me back into the fun loving vibrant woman he once desired and wanted. Today alone, I have heard of three engagements, two wedding invitiations, and I just learned my sister is pregnant with her third. I’m not kidding you, all in one day. So, yeah, thank goodness he is away visiting his Mom now, so I can have the apartment to myself to cry as much as I need.
I am 28 and he is 38
September we will have been together 3 years
He takes care of me financially (I’m a f/t student)
We moved super fast at the start. Met through my cousin, who is his best friend, three summers ago. Flew back and forth to each other in a duration of two months after meeting. I moved to live and be with him which was a 8 hour drive away. Then we both drove cross country together after a failed housing search in his homecity and have lived on the west coast for almost all the 3 years. When we first met, I told him right from the start that I wanted to be married and have children within the next five years of my life. He said he also wanted that too.
I told my Mom the week I met him he was “the one” (yet another reason this breaks my heart). Despite all this torment, he is a good man at heart and I know he does love me, I think it may have more to do with his baggage than me, but sometimes (often) it’s very hard for my depressed self to comprehend that. I don’t want to leave him, I don’t want to do some ultimatem, but I don’t want to be in this situation…ha what other option could there even be?
Thankyou so much for reading this and for any advice, love or support you give. I greatly, greatly appreciate it. Just please don’t be mean or harsh, I am super fragile right now : /