(Closed) Please help. Do I confront him about what I found?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

Just an observation, do you know if he was logged in to an account? I know you cant do anything without paying for an account. When I get on some of my favorite websites to watch movies, not adult movies, just real movies or tv shows, I get tons of pop up web pages for jasmin. they take up my whole screen. The homepage just shows a random woman waiting for enough guys to pay to see her naked in a private room, every viewer has to bid. 

 

 

you need to communicate and be honest, please dont judge him for a possible misunderstanding 🙂 just my 2cents.

Post # 4
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’ll give you a little info that might make you feel a bit better…

I am totally not against porn… men will be men and they’ll watch it regardless….but I do know that there are some porn websites that when you click to watch a movie, and automatic ‘pop up’ will show up asking for live chat sessions. This will stay on the web history of the computer.

I think your Fiance was probably just checking out some porn (hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable) and that window just happened to have popped up. I don’ think he actually chatted. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because I have had that happen to me (sorry if its TMI)

Hope this helps! 🙂

 

EDIT: like posted below me said: Just ask him calmly and talk about it. Communication is key in any relationship. I’ve come A LOOOOONG way from how I was when we first started dating ( insecure and I hardly ever communicated my issues) to where I am now as a married bee (we have open convo’s about anything and everything, and I love it.)

Post # 5
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You have to talk to him, ask him what he was doing last night and then tell you you saw the web site, and let’s see what he says. Maybe it was just a pop up like the other bees said, but you will only know if you ask; when you do so you can tell him that something like that would make you unconfortable and insecure.

Anywhy I think you should address this problem and be very calm and open to discuss it with him.

Keep us posted. Hope everything goes smothly.

Post # 6
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yikes! Wow that is definitely not okay! I would be livid!!! Is there any chance he just went to the website to “check it out” but didn’t do the live cam stuff? Is there an associated fee? Can you check credit card records if so? I know some bees may disagree but I say investigate further. If you bring it up to him do you think he would come clean or just say he was “checking out the website and didn’t know what it was” even if that’s not true?

I am so angry/sad for you right now! It’s definitely a whole different ball game than porn. As you said, it’s no longer fantasy but reality.

Edit: I just read what the other bees said about how the site automatically pops up sometimes when you are watching other porn sites. In that case it seems like it may have been nothing, and I think you should non-chalantly ask him about it and see his reaction. He very may well say “oh that stupid site always pops up! So annoying!” if he has a quiet awkward reaction that might tell you something.

Post # 7
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have two websites where I stream videos from and one of them has those live chat sites, including Jasmin, pop up ALL the time.  I would give him the benefit of the doubt and just discuss it with him. 

Post # 9
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree with other Bees – I’ve had porn sites pop up when I’m streaming non-adult videos. It’s possible he was just looking at porn and it came up, but he deleted his history because he didn’t want you seeing that he’d looked at porn at all.

Post # 11
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

@Emily_Louise_C:  you should let him know what you saw. ask him straight out.dont be accusatory or upset. Make sure to listen. If this is a bigger deal (hope it isnt) but if it is, he needs to know he can be honest to you about it vs you freaking out. i’m sure you wouldn’t, but guys are sensitive about thier porn lol. it’ll be okay!

Post # 12
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Try to find out how long he was on that website. I agree with a PP, those sites won’t do anything unless you pay, often times quite a bit. I know for me they come up as popups, and if it popped up but was behind other windows and he didn’t know it, it could have registered in his history. Did he click around the site at all, like are there multiple lines for jasmin: login, jasmin: select a girl, jasmin: select a different girl, etc etc.?

If you’re a little more tech savy and really want some answers you could do something like install a keylogger. I don’t recommend it, I’ve never done it to my Fiance (I had suspisicions a roommate was using my computer and lying about it, so I installed one on mine) but you’d get some very deep insight…

Post # 13
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Emily_Louise_C:  pop ups will register in the history as a visited site whether he intentionally went there or not. My husband and I don’t clear our history (and this baffles me that people don’t just use private browsing but I digress!) so that seems a little weird. But if that is not a shared device ie that’s his laptop, you should be prepared as a party that has some explaining to do As well if you confront. 

Post # 14
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely ask him about it. If you don’t you will always wonder and you don’t want something like this to fester and then come out in some later tiff you guys get into.

Communication is key my dear. I hope everything goes well and it was just a pop-up!

Post # 16
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Emily_Louise_C:  No I wouldn’t expect you to install one; like I said I don’t recommend it at all, for anyone really, but they are out there…

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